I had a very hard time getting to sleep last night. I was up at midnight, writing. I have heard wakefulness is a curse of many writers. It seems to be mine lately, for sure. I wrote, some things that I won’t ever publish, just trying to express whatever it was that was stuck inside and trying to get out.  Leaning in, as Brene Brown advises, to the discomfort. Often that helps, just to write out whatever comes to mind, without a whole lot of worry about the mechanics. But still, as I sat on the couch, I was wide awake.

Saved on my computer is a short meditation, “The Great Bell Chant (The End to Suffering)”. ( ) . It has always given me some peace to watch this video, or simply to listen to it. I put it on, and after the first minute, closed my eyes. It isn’t too long, about 7 or 8 minutes. It is the first thing that helped me to begin to relax, and center myself.

When it ended I clicked on another suggestion on Youtube, for an Om Chant. It said it was 3 hours, but I thought, just let me listen for a few minutes, maybe it will clear my mind, remembering years ago a meditation group in which we listened to chanting for at least an hour, in the dark, and how I was always able to somehow shut down the monkey mind in my head. This video was simply a recording of Buddhist monks chanting OM, over and over again. Deep resonant voices. Listening to them, focusing in on them, my eyes finally began to close, and restfulness finally came to me. I found the same video on my phone, went to bed, and put it on. It was supposed to play for 3 hours. I don’t know if it did, lol, because finally I fell asleep, and slept until about 6:30. Only about 5 hours of sleep, but enough, especially for someone who’s retired, lol.

A few times in the last couple of days I’ve seen the term “metta” associated with Buddhism. Not because I was in particular reading or looking for information on Buddhism. The word just showed up, on FB, in my email newsletters. So this morning I googled it, and found a fascinating (to me) article on what it is, and how it’s practiced. ( ) It’s one of the 4 sublime states of Buddhism that leads to enlightenment. It kind of goes along with my post about unconditional love, but extends that love to oneself equally with extending it to others. You have to make yourself happy first, basically. And in serving others, you will find you make yourself happy. But, you can’t defer to others wishes if doing so makes you unhappy.

I slept well at my sisters, because I was helping her, and her friends, and it made me very happy to be there. I came home, to my little house that I love, but it was empty, devoid of that human connection, or so I thought. But connections remain, there is no space or time in regards to a connection. In focusing in on the OM meditation, I reconnected to myself, which reconnected me to all in a loving way. And I went to sleep.

And so the journey continues. Love and light.

Dreaming the Night Away


I had a couple of weird dreams last night. I think more than a couple, but two are all I can remember enough to look them up on dreammoods.

Both about driving.

The first, I was driving down what I think was the road Scott lives on. I was looking for a cross street, to get to his house, even though he lives in reality right on the road, and I don’t need a cross street to get there. At any rate, I couldn’t find the cross street, and kept driving and driving. Here’s what dreammoods says:

Driving: To dream that you are driving a vehicle signifies your life’s journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life.

Road: To see a road in your dream refers to your sense of direction and how you are pursuing your goals. If the road is winding, curvy, or  bumpy in your dream, then it suggests that  you will encounter many obstacles and setbacks toward achieving your goals. You may be met with unexpected difficulties. If the road is dark, then it reflects the controversial or more frightening choices which you have made or are making.

If the road is smooth and bordered by trees or flowers, then it denotes a steady progress and steady climb up the social ladder. If the road is straight and narrow, then it means that your path to success is going as planned.

Search: To dream that you are searching for something signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. The dream may be analogous to your search for love, spiritual enlightenment, peace or even a solution to a problem. 

The road was smooth, a typical New England road, really his road, bordered by trees, woodlands, rural homes, farms, some large gentle curves, but not windy, a few easy hills, but you can’t find a road here that has no hills. It wasn’t narrow either. It was his road which is a state highway, one lane in each direction.

Since I was searching for his cross street, his intersection, I would guess I was looking for him in my life. Since I couldn’t find it, I think it must say that our lives are not intersecting at this point. I continued to look, for that intersection of our energies, our life paths. I knew where to look, but it wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t give up. Right now, I don’t think that to keep looking is a healthy thing to do. However, considering my belief that we are so connected at the soul level, I have a feeling part of me will always be looking for the guy I knew and loved, which is completely not the guy he is manifesting right now. So, I couldn’t find him, or his intersection in my dream.

It would behoove me to just stop looking now, and focus on my own path. To just keep rising. Never say never, but for the time being, we won’t intersect. I guess it’s good that I just kept driving, down the typical easy road.

The second dream was driving also. I was driving my regular route to work. The highway became a single lane tunnel. As I approached the end of the tunnel a police car with the lights on came driving toward me, and blocked the lane out of the tunnel. The officer motioned for me to back up. Not to turn around and go back, but for me and those behind me, to back up the length of the tunnel. I woke up, with the car stopped, I remember thinking in the dream “Is this guy crazy? He wants me to back up, in reverse, all the length of this tunnel?” Which is exactly how I would react in life, I would have gotten out of the car and said, “how about you let me turn around?” I didn’t do it, in the dream.

So we already know what driving means.

Tunnel: To see a tunnel in your dream represents the vagina, womb, and birth. Thus it may refer to a need for security and nurturance.

To dream that you are going through a tunnel suggests that you are exploring aspects of your subconscious. You are opening yourself to a brand new awareness. Alternatively, it indicates your limited perspective as in the phrase “tunnel vision”. Are you being close minded or narrow minded in some issue?

To see the light at the end of a tunnel symbolizes hope. You will navigate through life and all its difficulties with great success. Alternatively, it also indicates the end of your journey and the realization of your goals.

Police car: To see a police car in your dream indicates that help is on the way for you. You are experiencing some inner turmoil and need intervention.

Police: To see the police in your dream symbolizes structure, rules, power, authority and control.

Driving backwards: To dream that you are driving a car in reverse suggests that you are experiencing major setbacks in your goals. In particular, if you drive in reverse into a pool of water, then it means that you emotions are literally holding you back.

So, again, it’s about my life’s path. I think I can buy that I’m seeking and opening to a new awareness of many things in my life. And, at the same time, have had some tunnel vision in regards to him. The tunnel ended, there was light, and I had hope. The need for nurturing ties in exactly to what the medium told me, about my grief. Security? Idk, I don’t really feel insecure. Yes the move is a big overwhelming thing to do, but I don’t feel insecure about it, or myself. So I’d say it’s the nurturing thing, for sure.

Then the power and authority and control represented by the police in the dream, tried to stop me, from getting to the light. What’s interesting is that whatever force or energy was represented by the police stopping me, and I can pretty easily guess what energy that was, wanted me to go backward, to experience a major setback, to not get to the light. Honestly, I was wondering earlier this week about that, he was on my mind so much. However, rather than allow it myself to go backward, I woke up. I hate to do things twice, lol.

I was almost out of the tunnel. Which says to me, I was making, have been making real progress. Maybe I just need to be very vigilant I don’t allow myself to go backward, to the place I was. Maybe the police officer was a warning to me. Because the police car itself, symbolizes help is on the way.

Which must be my friends here, lol. Helping me through the strong pull of the energetic connection this week.

Thank you my sweet friends. Would love to hear any additional thoughts. I do have a little “tunnel vision.” Lol.

Love and light.