Dancing Through the Insanity


I am starting to find out exactly what’s involved with putting a house on the market. It’s not like there’s a choice, if I want top dollar for the house I have to do it. Today I spent a little time getting stuff together for Easter…some of the traditional Polish treats. My son is half-Polish, his father was 3rd generation 100% Polish, so I like to keep up some of the holiday traditions for him.

Started clearing out the stuff that needs to be out of sight when the house goes on the market, especially for the pictures. Up and down the stairs. Biggest problem is all my jewelry making stuff. Trying to put it in some semblance of order, out of the way. It’s not a neat hobby, lol.

I sat down on the couch to rest around 2. I was so exhausted, and I slept a good 7 hours last night. Why so tired? It occurred to me as I sat, on the computer, with my music from my phone playing on the stereo, that I hadn’t eaten but a protein bar at 7 AM and some coffee. So I got a yogurt, and a tall glass of water, and ate it while I perused WP and FB. Felt much better after about 10 minutes, I think my sugar had crashed.

I decided to brave the basement storage area. It’s attached to my son’s space, and his mess is like water, seeking it’s own level, spreading across the floor. I worked down there for awhile, just cleaning up, straightening up, throwing stuff away, emptying junk out of cabinets…. Maybe a couple hours. Changed the furnace filter while I was at it.

About 4:30 or so I sat down again in the TV room on the couch, opened the computer and next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes and it was about an hour later. I had fallen so dead asleep, I was disoriented waking up. And I was hungry! I made a little dinner, and then got some estimates on moving stuff to Florida. That will require some thought. A mover would be nice, but would cost about $800 more than a POD. Which is expensive enough, but how to get the furniture from upstairs down into the POD? I have no idea….. My move into this house was about 2 miles, from a small condo, and cost me $300. Will have to work on that issue.

Tomorrow, no time to rest. I have to get to the grocery store, hopefully before the rest of the town. Make a carrot cake, traditional for Easter. Why? Idk…Bunnies like carrots? No idea, but it wouldn’t seem like Easter without it. I usually give most of it away, take it to work, whatever. Then start on the garage. I have a ton of stuff that needs to go to the dump, so I looked up how that works on line. I have to get a permit from the town for $10 and can only take stuff there on Saturday. It looks like at least 2 or 3 trips. UGH.

I talked to my BFF’s husband today, who is like a brother to me, and asked him if he would look at my fireplace and just tell me what I need to replace, because for the life of me I can’t figure it out. He said he’d come over this week sometime. He is truly one of the good guys.

If I weren’t moving to a house a mile from the beach, I’d say I was gonna need a vacation when this is all done. But I will be on a permanent one, lol. I guess it’s just getting the house ready now that seems the big job. Once it’s done and on the market, I only need to keep it that way, not get it that way.

This must be the most boring blog ever, but I’m trying to document what has been done, what has to be done, and this helps me to organize my thoughts. I think I’m going to need at least 2 more weekends before pictures, but no longer. I need the house on the market by the middle of April.

The realtor texted me today that the seller has decided to get the gas hooked up in her name, so we can test the stove (and I’m so excited to have a gas stove, I’ve always had electric) and hot water heater. It was really a small thing, but I’m glad about that. The stove is brand new but not the hot water heater, so will be glad to have it checked out. We had the mold test done today, will get the results back Tuesday or Wednesday and then go in for the final negotiating. So, I have from now til then to kind of relax and let it be.

Tonight, all the emotional kind of angst I’ve had for days seems to have subsided, really disappeared for the time being. I know it’s a huge part of why I’m so tired. When the medium told me I needed to nurture myself, she said, that’s why you’re so tired all the time. I didn’t think I was tired all the time then, but it was like a prophesy! Because man, am I tired now that I’ve let it go. It’s not completely gone I’m sure, but I’m in a way better place. Probably because I wrote so much about it, and then because I spent the day working toward my new dream.

It’s quite a journey, from unconditional love and forgiveness, to betrayal yet again, to understanding, to anger over people trying to involve themselves in something that was none of their business, and then trying to let it all go again. Egos are so destructive. I think I’m pretty much back to the place of unconditional love from an unattached place. Back to the knowing I will always love the man, and also that I can never let him into my life again. I would say, we could be friends only, but really, even that….would be hard. We’ve never been in the same place and been able to keep our hands off one another. So how could we be friends only? Just let it go. I’ll soon be 1500 miles away, and creating a new life. He’ll have his old life, maybe. IDK. Maybe not, maybe she will realize she can never trust him, even if she loves him. Same as I did. It doesn’t matter to me any more. Moving forward. Rising strong.

Going to bed, lol. Love and light.

13 responses to “Dancing Through the Insanity

  1. You can join a local Facebook buy and sell, post your date and offer pizza and beer to x number of people to help you pack the pod. It’s a good pay it forward, it’s cheap, it often brings out yummy college co eds

  2. Busy, busy, busy. You’ll feel so much better for it – there’s something cathartic about having a good clear out and sort through of stuff.

    I love what you say about unconditional love from an unattached place. Liz Gilbert was spot on when she says that once the karma of a relationship is done only love remains. There’s something so calm, peaceful and downright healing about that!

    Have faith that once you’ve got your house ship shape the Universe will step in with a perfect buyer šŸ˜€

    Thinking of you and sending love ā¤ x

    • There really is something so calming. Keep the good, let go of the bad, move in the direction of your dreams. Actually, I think interpreting those dreams was about as much closure as I’ll ever get. Which is ok. Don’t need more, just need to understand myself, my own journey. I will never feel bad that I loved with out limit. It was a learning experience, a very tough class, but a good lesson.

      My mantra now is “May house sell quickly and easily.” And now…off to work toward making that happen!

      Love back atcha, Megan. I think without our friendship this journey would have been so much harder.

  3. After reading your blog yesterday….I dreamed about cars…Loser crying….and having one of my friends tell me that he used to say “I am loved….I am loved.” I remember thinking I’d make him cry when I told him that I never loved him.
    Creative has a good idea with the college students….I thought about that when I was moving, but they want money instead of pizza and beer. You might try Craigslist. That’s who the mover hired to unload my things….and I think he paid them $9.00 an hour.
    Oh….do you have the St. Joseph (I think) buried in your yard? Supposedly, he never fails to help sell your house.

    • No! I should try that! Though I do trust the universe to assist me, lol. I’m just so afraid I would pay 3 or 4 kids a couple hundred bucks and one of them would get hurt, or damage the furniture. I’ll keep looking for more reasonable rates. My son wants to take his stuff to CO. Don’t think that’s gonna happen with these costs.

      I’m listening to opera this morning! Right now Caruso by Pavarotti. Soothing.

      • I did the St. Joseph thing….although everybody who looked at my house wanted it, it was always contingent on the sale of their house so I wouldn’t take the offer. I buried him in the front yard and my house was sold three days later, with no contingencies.
        DON’T FORGET to take him with you when you leave.
        I understand the liability issue.Here’s an idea….call the local fire department. They were going to help me (of course, I had an “in” with them.) A lot of them work odd jobs on the side when they’re off duty.

  4. Oh, you’ve been working really hard!! Wow, I can’t wait for this house business to be done for you, you deserve some rest, lol. šŸ™‚
    There was some comment you made on one of my posts, and I think I must have touched some button, so the comment disappeared! And I couldn’t find it again. Just so you know… didn’t mean to do that!! Dunno if that means you saw my answer or not..
    Anyway, Thanks again so much for caring!! šŸ˜€ It warms my heart more than I can say. All is well with me, I made some new post just to write about how it played out. Hope you are having a good Easter! xo

    • I’ve done that too, made a post disappear. Makes me crazy. Lol. I’m feeling a lot of emotional relief, from Getting to the place I am today with all the Scott stuff. I feel like the pioneer, I was the first of us to go back there, and it was so good for me. Then Megan, now you. It’s good to hold our own with them. It’s good to be unattached to their drama. It’s good to be free to create the life we want and deserve. Big hugs to you. Yes Easter is going fine. It will be very low key here. Too much work to do. Lol. But I am going out tonight. That will be a nice break. šŸ˜Š

      • Yes, I have no idea how the hell that happened, with the comment disappearing. Oh well. šŸ™‚

        I am so glad you are feeling relief, too. We deserve that, after all the shit we went through! Lol.
        “Unattached to their drama”, is an expression that exactly nails what I have been feeling and thinking, lately. I truly feel unattached to all his drama. I feel I have given him truth, and he continues to live in darkness, using people, and so on. That is not a part of who I am, so that door needs to stay closed… šŸ™‚

        It is so strange how it went, that you and I and Megan had the same sort of experiences, with some variations.. it makes me feel connected to you guys! šŸ™‚ In a good way.
        Have fun going out tonight!! xo

        • Yes!!! I could speak the truth and even discuss it with him. It was easy, he talked to me about it too, in a real way. So even with the stupid drama that came back as soon as B got “hurt” (jealous is much more accurate here) I still got that time with him where it was all in the table. There was love of some kind and care and passion. His need to negate that for her ego didn’t make it so. šŸ˜„ we had what we had. I still call him the “child who steers that riverboat, but lately he’s crazy for the deep.” (From the song Delta, by Crosby Stills and Nash) He always has been attracted to the edge. Once he told me, when he was being rescued off s sinking fishing boat that that is when he feels most alive. Well… He’s created plenty of that emotionally. That life is not for me. Give me love and truth and passion, intensely. Not up for hanging my toes off the cliff and seeing how long before I lose my balance, lol.


          • Yes… we can keep our good memories even while we stay safely away – on the shore! While they are off seeing if they drown or not.. lol. šŸ™‚ I believe that most people with these traits or even disorder, have that “thrill-seeking” impulse, etc. Brrrr… just dangerous, and not fun at all, in my eyes… šŸ˜‰ xo

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.