I don’t drink for medicinal purposes much. Almost never. Because, because it’s just not a good idea.

But it’s New Year’s Eve. I’m alone for a number of reasons. All mostly mine. Choices that are the result of circumstances that I found myself in that are untenable. Some relating to my physical health, which, while it’s better, is still not good enough to celebrate the New Year. Some are personal, emotional issues, things I just have had too much time to think about, while I’ve convalesced. I couldn’t brush them off, sweep them under the carpet and pretend they weren’t there, and I wasn’t afforded the opportunity to resolve them. So, I’m sipping on a cup of chamomile tea and a shot of rum. Weird combination, but it’s settling my stomach, and for that I’m grateful that I figured something out, since I wasn’t able to eat much dinner and my stomach was in knots. I’d smoke some pot, but I still have a cough and the idea of inhaling anything isn’t possible. The pot would be medicinal too, it’s wonderful for an upset stomach.

So here I sit with my odd combination. I have friends, lots of them, who I could call but have no desire to put a damper on their celebrations. A bar down on the beach is having bagpipes playing, a friend told me and I almost went. It won’t be all night, just to open their NYE celebration. But then I thought about trying to find a parking place, and having to walk, and cough my way to the bar, for a soda or a glass of water, and a headache. Because when the bagpipes are done, the music at this bar is so loud. We don’t frequent it much for just that reason. I suppose it’s a fun place for the younger crowd, which always spills onto the sidewalks and the street.

I’ve spent my New Year’s Eve giving my kitchen a good cleaning. Then I moved into the guest room and began sorting out some of the stuff I took off the boat, still parked in my front yard. A huge disappointment, that boat. But that’s a discussion for another day. I threw away a lot of stuff, which I needed to do. I have a friend coming to stay in about 2 ½ weeks and need to turn the guest room back into a guest room, from a storage space for stuff I don’t know what to do with. Thinning down, and simplifying. I’ve been meaning to start this project for a long while, and today, I found myself able to start it. It feels good to pare down.

So, this New Year’s Eve, in my solitude, I guess I would have to say that 2020 will be about getting the extraneous, and meaningless stuff out of my life. Some things that I have, have given me pleasure but I have no real attachment to them. There will be plenty left, that actually mean something to me. And this may leave me room to collect a few new things along the road of life, but new things will get weighed as I collect them as to what they actually mean to me, what their place in my life is.

I made brownies today too, the result of wanting something decadently chocolate to eat. They were….

It’s gotten cold today. Down to about 52 right now, which isn’t abnormal for this time of year. My son is coming in February and he asked me today, will it be 75° – 80°? Oh, I hope so, but the weather from now til March is iffy. I mean, yeah, it’s way warmer than Denver or CT but the good weather really hits full force in March and April. Still, it will be a welcome break for him and his family.

Happy New Year to all. May 2020 bring you joy, and peace and love.

Don’t really know why, but this song seems to be rolling around my head tonight. Maybe because it’s Day 8 of what I’m thinking of as solitary confinement with my cold. It’s not really accurate because Dan was here for dinner last night, and spent the night. I was going to go with him to his place, but couldn’t get myself together. It was exhausting just trying to get clothes packed up, worsened by the fact that I haven’t been there in a couple weeks due to said cold and the cruise from hell, so I couldn’t remember what clothes I had there and didn’t. As I was packing, I found myself hunched over my bed, head on my bed, winded, gasping as if I was on my last breath.

Let me say, I am ok, I am feeling much better I just tried to go the day without any meds, no Mucinex, no Robitussin, no allegy med, no tylenol or ibuprofen. Why? Idk, I wasn’t coughing much and I am so sick of taking meds. But alas, it was too soon. I finally broke down, when my head was on the bed, and took two Mucinex, and within the hour felt better.

So back to the song. When I sat down to write this, I felt “Busted flat in Baton Rouge and waitin’ for the train. Feelin’ nearly faded as my jeans.” But no one was there to flag the diesel down that would take me “all the way to New Orleans.”

Just let me say that just writing this out has been the diesel which has carried me away from that kind of dark place where I was busted flat. Writing has, in all honesty, been my saving grace for many years. But it’s still a great song, so I’m still gonna post it. Enjoy!

I slept! I really slept last night. With the help of Robitussin, Mucinex, my Z-pak, and a bottle of Ambien I’d forgotten I had. But I slept well, for about 8 or 9 hours, only waking up once or twice during the night. I feel myself slowly climbing out of the pit of self-UNawareness that I’ve been in since I got home from The Cruise. God, what a difference it makes it makes to sleep.

I still can’t say I feel good, but I can say I feel functional. I’m considering going to the grocery store to get more in my fridge than soup, leftovers from my friends house down the street, and fruit. Not that I don’t appreciate that my friends brought me all this stuff. The fact that so many people were checking in and bringing me food just warmed my heart. But now I’m ready for a good meal at some point today.

So enough about me. Some people have it worse. Like….my son was awakened at 1 AM by his 7 year old step-daughter projectile vomiting. I think I’d rather be sick than deal with that.

Ok so I’m still on the being sick subject. I’ll stop. Promise. What a nasty boring subject.

Now that I’m feeling better, I need to straighten up this house! OMG! This is not how I live. There is a hand-pan steel drum (gift from Dan’s brother) on my coffee table, along with the box it came in. The end table is full of meds which I now need to put away. They were not meant to be knick-knacks. I imagine someone coming over (which happens) and saying “Oh Deb, I love your multiple tussin bottles.” Um, no. There is also a box of macaroons on the table, to-die-for macaroons that came from the cruise ship. We had them at a wine tasting, but couldn’t figure out where to buy them. However, our friend Joe, found them, unbeknownst to the rest of us, and gave them to us the last night. MMMM. But I digress.

There is a house jacket I had on when my temp was running high. An ashtray with a half-smoked joint in it, and I am loathe to admit it’s been there since before the cruise. Nail clippers, a bag of dried-apple crisps, cough drops, books, cards, yada, yada, yada. Floor needs vacuuming, bathroom needs cleaning, and I need a showe, lol. You get the idea.

Well first things first. Tub and toilet first, then me. Then some rest. That feels like enough. I’m still somewhat wiped out, but at least on the upswing, not wondering when the upswing will come.

Hope everyone’s Christmas was full of fun, of love and peace. Love and light to everyone.

Bah humbug.

I am totally, maybe for the first time in my life, not in the Christmas spirit. I suppose that is normal, considering that I am still pretty sick. I mean, I’m better than yesterday. I’m not running a fever, though I can’t be sure because I still can’t find the thermometer. I can only guess that it’s in the place that socks go in the laundry. Or perhaps where the dozen small bottles of hand sanitizer I accumulated over the years have disappeared to.

I’m trying, really. I got dressed this morning (a major accomplishment considering how shitty I feel) in a bright red Christmas-y shirt. I styled my hair, another major accomplishment. I had plans to eventually go to Walgreens to pick up the antibiotic script the dr gave me.

I got involved in a group text with my writer’s group about holiday plans. Someone is making lasagna and invited everyone to her house. When I said thanks but you probably don’t want someone around who is as sick as me, I got a private text from one of them (my BFF here) who asked if I needed her to pick anything up for me. I was about to call her and ask her to pick up my meds. She lives about a mile from me, so I knew it wouldn’t be a big deal.

Just as I was about to call her, Daniel walked in my door. He had a bag with two orders of chicken soup from Chick Fil A. And, since all the dirty laundry from the cruise was in his suitcase, he brought me some clean clothes from that pile. Then he went to Walgreens for me. He stayed with me for a bit, but I didn’t encourage him to stay longer, because obviously, I didn’t want to get him sick.

But really, how blessed am I to have this man in my life? He is such a thoughtful, good man.

On top of all the stuff he did for me, now, since I’m sick, he will have to do Christmas dinner for his mother and brother by himself. (Don’t even ask why his brother doesn’t help.) He’s not complaining, because his mother is 93 and someone has to make a Christmas dinner for her. So enough about that.

So, I was sitting here this afternoon, typing this, and fell asleep, as I’m prone to do. I was awakened by a call from my son, which we quickly converted to a Facetime call. We talked for an hour and a half, and boy, did that ever give me a lift. He is such a good kid, taking care of his family, working hard and being successful, and he did this on his own. I’m so proud of him, and so grateful for him.

So I have two wonderful men in my life.

So, here I am, physically feeling crappy (but slightly better!). My ribs and back ache from all the coughing I have done. My head is pounding and my stomach is not happy about the antibiotics. But I am feeling so blessed right now, so utterly grateful for the people in my life. Grateful that a few people still read this blog on a regular basis, considering I write so irregularly and infrequently.

I guess I’m not so Bah Humbug as I thought.

Merry Christmas Eve to all.

We went on a cruise with our good friends from CT. The Western Caribbean, for a week. Costa Maya Mexico, Belize, Honduras and Cozumel. We were excited. But the best laid plans and all that…..

We had a great ride from Tampa to Costa Maya, where we learned to make salsa and guacamole, tasted about 5 kinds of Tequila, and learned to dance the salsa. (Well, kind of, lol) Then it was down to the beach where there were massage tables set up and got a half-hour massage for $25, under the palms. It was nice. It was also where we bought handmade trinkets, etc, and the guys bought really good cigars for cheap too. Costa Maya is a resort under construction, really, where beautiful buildings, apartments, condos are being built next to shacks of people who live in abject poverty.

Then it was on to Belize, where we were going to go snorkeling. Belize has the 2^nd largest barrier reef in the world, and I’ve always wanted to snorkel there. We had a nice easy ride overnight to Belize, and then a nice excursion ride out to the reef. The minute the excursion boat dropped the hook the wind began to blow, kicking up about 3 foot waves we were trying to snorkel in. The bottom was all kicked up with sand, and even though there were beautiful corals, etc, we could barely see them. The waves began breaking over the snorkels, causing us to swallow way more seawater than we ever wanted to. I was very glad to get back into the excursion boat and get a free rum runner to get rid of the taste of the water.

The wind kept blowing, and the sky kept getting darker. That night we headed to Honduras in 40 knot winds, with the boat rocking and rolling in 10-15’ seas. When we got there in the morning, it was pouring rain. During a break in the rain, we walked down to the “welcome center” and shopped a little, a very little, until the sky just began pouring rain, and with the wind, it was unreal. As we got back on the cruise boat the crew met us with dry towels and warmed up cloths. It poured the rest of the day, so not too much was accomplished in Honduras.

The next and last stop was supposed to be Cozumel. It was the one stop it seemed everyone was excited about, since it’s not a made for tourists trap. However, we never got to see it. The wind, by the time we got there was blowing at over 50 knots, which is about 57 mph, basically tropical storm force winds. The captain of our ship chose not to try to dock the boat in those conditions, which turned out to be a wise choice. A short time later two Carnival Cruise lines ships, attempting to dock there, collided.

The captain headed back to Tampa at a slow speed, taking 2 days to get there. The wind stayed at over 50 knots the whole time, with seas of 15-20’. It blew hard enough that they closed the decks due to wind, so everyone had to remain inside. We were ok with that, all 4 of us being boaters and none of us susceptible to seasickness, though apparently many people were. They had barf bags outside the restaurants. One woman said to Dan, “Why are there doggie bags here?” He replied that they were actually barf bags, and the poor woman got the most horrified look on her face.

We still had a great time. There is so much to do on the ship, we were never bored, and the drinks kept flowing, and the food. But I think the fact that we were all confined inside the ship probably helped me to come down with the worst cold, well, the only cold, I’ve had in a decade. We got back Sunday morning, and I was at the dr this morning at 9:45. Not a good thing 2 days before Christmas. So, here I sit, by myself because I kept Dan up all night coughing last night, so I told him to bring me home so he could get some sleep tonight. My temp was about 101° but has gone down now I think. I can only guess because I dropped the thermometer down the cracks between the cushions of my sectional and can’t seem to find it.

So ends the adventure of the western Caribbean. I just hope I’m well enough on Wednesday to join Dan’s mom and brother for Christmas dinner. I’ve included some pictures of the seas, taken from the 9^th deck balcony of our friend’s cabin, probably 70’ above the water. The pictures don’t really convey the size of the seas because they were taken from so high up, but it was crazy.  Everyone was walking around the ship like a drunken sailor.

We held our 2^nd free soundbath at the beach last night. It was a perfect night,around 70°, light breezes off the water, heron and egrets walking along the sand. The sunset was beautiful. I coulden’t have asked for more. I took a couple pics of some of our attendees getting settled in, while the sun was setting over the Gulf of Mexico.

We had 35-40 people at the soundbath tonight. I love how people stop and talk to us, and ask questions as we set up, and tune up the gongs and bowls. I love how playing the gongs et al with Dan becomes an amazing, intimate experience, where we are connected, feeling each others vibes and feel the level elevate as the flow between us spreads out into those who are participating. I love how people are doing Tai Chi, and Yoga as they bathe in the vibrations.

We had a new drum tonight. It was an early Christmas present for Dan, a 16” buffalo drum. It has an amazingly deep resonant tone, and the vibration you feel standing next to it as he plays it is extremely strong. At one point he walked through the crowd playing it, and played it over each persons head.

When it was over, person after person whom I didn’t even know, came up and hugged me, and Dan, and told us how amazing an experience it was, and wanted to know where and when we will do it again. A few people were asking if we had a venue where we do it regularly, because they want it more than once a month. That’s what we hoped would happen, the formation of a sound healing community of like-minded people.

It’s a real thrill, and honor, to facilitate this gathering of people who are focused on their own healing, be it emotional, or spiritual, or sometimes even physical. I will leave you with a comment I got on a post I put up last night, thanking everyone for coming and making it so special. The fact that this person is a stranger to me, meaning I wouldn’t know them if I passed them on the street, is just heart-warming.  Though, I have a feeling that the many people there I didn’t know will not remain strangers to me for long.

“What a profound and transformative experience for me. Thank you for providing the space and presence for spiritual alchemy to occur.” – Jill Rice

SoCS (Stream of Consciousness Saturday) prompt:  Shade

Shadows in the shade
Hid the lone soul lurking there
Lost in his self-hate.

Pulling the shades down and darkening the room even more, she shaded everything she said to him with shade until the misdeeds were finally acknowledged. Then she opened the shades once again, and let the light in. The light was so bright, it dispelled the shade, and looking around she saw that the shade, upon leaving had dispelled him as well. He was nowhere to be seen in what had been a shaded room where he thought he could hide.

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Shading her vision
She saw his beautiful soul
The blessing of love.

She pulled the shades and turned on her warm Tibetan salt lamp. She turned from the nightstand and saw him, cast in the rose glow of the lamp. He leaned into her, the shadows cast by the lamp laying across his warm and loving face, as he held her head in his hands, gently kissing her. While the darkness was shaded by the shades, there was no shade between them. Their passion lit the night, as their shadows danced on the ceiling, the shades shutting out the world.

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Please visit Linda G. Hill’s site for all the rules if you’d like to participate in the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt:  https://lindaghill.com/2019/11/29/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-30-19/

We had our first outdoor full moon sound healing at the beach on Wednesday. It was a cold, for Florida, and windy evening. Temps in the low 60’s with wind blowing steady at about 20 mph. The wind blew hard enough to blow the gongs over as we were setting up.

Just before we went Dan asked me how many people I thought would come. Based on the number of people who responded to our FB event, 273 I think it was, I said about 25. Thinking maybe 10% of them would show. Based on the cold and wind, Dan guessed 5.

We had somewhere around 25. (Can you see the smile breaking out on my face?)

We headed down to the beach early, because we didn’t know if we might have to move our set-up a few times to get the most sound out of it, with the wind blowing the way it was. As it turned out we set up and didn’t have to move. Then we set about “tuning” up the gongs. Which means, playing them, getting the vibration going. Plus we were checking to see how far the sound would travel on the beach. Anyway, there were many people walking by, since we were set up on the beach beside the “casino” which is not a casino but a dance hall right on the water in the middle of the commercial district. The casino has a dance night every Wednesday night so as people were waiting for that to start they came over and listened. A whole bunch of them wanted to sign up for our mailing list, so they could come to the next one.

At about 6 I told Dan I was nervous. No one was there, and we were supposed to start playing at 6:30. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “You can get nervous at 6:20. But not yet….” Then at 6:20 he said, “ok…you can get nervous.” As he said it, 2 of our musician friends showed up. And about 20 more people. All at once. Then a few more straggled in in the next few minutes. All were dressed in their winter coats, hold-overs we all have in our closet for the rare cold day or night down here. It was 80° on Tues, no wind. Perfectly beautiful sunny Florida day. It’s been pretty chilly since then.

We started right on time. At first everyone was sitting up, on their blankets or in chairs. A half hour later as I walked through the crowd playing the rain stick and ocean drum, I noticed everyone was now laying down, except for the few in chairs. All were deep into a meditation it seemed, even the 90+ woman in a wheel chair whose daughter, appearing to be about 70 or so, had brought her down.

A few of the people left after about 40 min, I am pretty sure because of the cold. But the majority of them stayed for the whole thing. So many of them came up and left tips in the jar, and thanked us profusely. Some of them wanted to stay and tell us about their experience, one person originally from NY offered to help us anyway she could. She was quite familiar with sound baths, though not like ours, not with the gongs dominating. She loved it. So many people conveyed that they were thrilled to have us doing this in our little town. Some people left comments on our FB posts. One guy said., in a comment, that it was his first night in his new house in our town, that he was walking on the beach and stumbled on our gongbath. It was “magical” he said.

It turned out exactly as I’d hoped it would, that we would begin to create a community of like-minded people. I will say I had a clear picture in my head of what I wanted to have happen, and what I hoped to bring to those who came. When it was all said and done, I thought about all the things I have successfully manifested with attention and intention. The outcome of my divorce, my home in CT, my home in Fl, the amazing man in my life, the circle of friends I have here….

Attention and intention. It works.

We’ve decided to hold sound healings on the beach for every full moon, at least until it’s too hot and rainy, maybe 5-6 months or so. So many people asked if we would do that. And honestly, I don’t care that it’s for free. We made a little through love donations, but the joy we got out of playing was worth it. Totally. We are hoping that by the time the rainy season comes we will have a following enough that we can find a venue to play indoors, and that people might be willing to pay $10 or so then.

Life is good, amazing really. We are taking the weekend off…meaning we are not going out to see any of our friends play at the local venues, we are staying home and read, and do laundry and rest. Make some of our favorite meals. Start planning our cruise in detail. It’s all good.

A few more things to focus our attention and intentions on. Love and light to all.

Looking through the slats of my partially closed venetian blinds, I see the sunrise begin. The sky turns golden in the east. The only clouds in the sky this morning are over Tampa Bay, off to the east, and in a matter of moments, they change from bright golden white to a rosy gold, as the sun begins to make its way above the earth here. It’s a peaceful, soothing way to begin the day, watching the spectacle that is a Florida sunrise.

Next week we will be doing our sound healing at the beach, in the full moon on Wednesday. The full moon is really Tuesday, but we chose to do it Wednesday, when it will still be 99.45% full, because a local yoga instructor is doing a yoga class on the beach in the full moon on Tuesday, and because there is an open mic that we and most of our friends like to go to on Tuesday night.

I made a FB event for our sound bath.  I always make one for our sessions at the yoga studio, but generally with very little response. This one, a free sound healing at the beach, has had a lot of response, over 200 people! So I am very excited that we might have a good crowd. Last time we did the sound bath, the crowd was not a crowd, is was just a couple people. However, we did a really great job performing. We all walked out just feeling good about it. Since we generally just used those sessions as practice, that’s all we could ask of it. I felt so good, not at our performance per se, but because of the effects, the good, happy, fulfilled way I felt that I told Dan and my friend Lynn who plays with us that I would be happy to do it for free just to feel like that. We’ve been practicing a lot, practicing playing off of each other, etc. Got a few new instruments and tools. I’m really looking forward to playing at the beach for more than a few people.

In other news, Dan and I are going on a cruise in December from Tampa to the Western Caribbean. We are very excited! Dan’s never been on one, and I have only been on one, and it was 10 years ago. 7 nights, and 4 stops. We’re going with our bff’s from CT. They’re flying down here and we’ll all drive over to the port. I expect it to really be fun. Two days at sea, and a day each in Costa Maya, Roatan Honduras, Belize, and Cozumel. I’ve wanted to snorkel in Belize since I was certified in scuba 42 years ago, lol. Not scuba diving any longer, but the snorkeling is supposed to be some of the best in the world. Other than that, we haven’t made a lot of plans except to relax in the sun and enjoy ourselves. I’m really looking forward to the days at sea.

We hosted our first real get together at my house a couple weeks back. We had 6 or 7 people over for pulled pork and baked beans. One of my besties here brought her home-made mac and cheese. The women were part of our writers group, and all the men are musicians. It turned out well, I think everyone had a good time. We laughed a lot, like “My face/stomach hurts from laughing” kind of stuff. It was good! We’ve made so many good friends here. The vibe is so laid back, and accepting. I am so happy this is where I landed for retirement.

My writer’s group is coming on Sunday, so I need to get the house picked up a little. Today I’m going to sit for an artists guild over on Treasure Island, which is one of the St. Pete beaches. I will get paid $40 to sit for 2 hours so they can practice their portraiture. I guess every 20 min I will get a 10 minute break.

My sis just got back down here for the winter, so we made a lunch date for a couple weeks from now. Looking forward to seeing her.

So, it’s been busy. I have a feeling that after the holidays, I will just want to collapse, but it’s nice to be busy. It helps to keep my mind sharp. I get a little mushy when I don’t have a focus. Kind of how when I worked I was “on” all the time, because I had to be. Don’t have to do it for work, now I do it for the things I have passion for.

Seems like nice way to live.

Love and light to all.