And So It Goes

It snowed again yesterday, pretty much all day. And it was cold. So……I stayed in most of the day. My back was killing me, I don’t know why really. I mean it’s leftover from my spinal surgery 18 months ago, but I’m not sure what triggered it this time. But this morning it’s much better, thank goodness.

What’s not better today is that a lower molar broke on me last night as I was going to bed. Big chunk of it. But there is no pain associated with it, for which I’m grateful! There are dentists in Littleton (where son lives) in my network. I plan to call them this morning and see if I can get an appt for a temporary crown or something to get me by til I get home. Bruce is going to stop at a drugstore and get me a temporary filler in case I can use one.

Little Lucian is settling into his own rhythm of nursing, sleeping, pooping and being awake. He looks so much like his big sister its uncanny. But I see signs of my son, like his nose and perhaps cheekbones, but it’s way too early to say who he looks like. He’s just so tiny. My son was never that little, though I think a lot of babies are. I just adore him. He fits between my son’s hand and elbow, resulting in us calling him a football.

Bruce and I watched hockey last night, the Lightning vs the NJ Devils, and Dan watched it from St. Pete so we were texting during the game too. Lightning won, only by one goal. It was a really good game. Fun to watch it with my son. It’s been awhile. I bought dinner by Doordash for us all. I had planned to make some chicken fingers but after sitting out on the counter all day, the chicken still wasn’t thawed. So I bought dinner, and saved the chicken for tonight.

Today I’m going to try to get the house somewhat picked up, maybe do some baking. I slept really well, despite the tooth. Thank goodness.

I have found myself occasionally getting homesick for my life back home. But honestly, since I hadn’t seen son or his family in about 2 years, it’s really nice to have a long stay with them. I know what they have now, and understand their lifestyle better, and will be able to buy them things they need when the occasion arises. So it’s all good, and I know the next 3 ½ weeks will fly by, faster than I want them to.

I’m very proud of my son, to put together buying this house, getting a job that can support him and Dez while she’s on maternity leave, and for being such a good father, and partner. His family comes first and that’s such a pleasure to see.

And so it goes…all is well. Except the tooth, lol. But no matter. Love and light to all.

He’s Here!!!

He’s here. My grandson made his debut on January 21 at 6:21 in the morning. He weighed 6 lbs 6 oz, 19.5” long, and a ton of gorgeous dark hair. I am so in love with him. His name is Lucian It’s been an experience to be around a baby that is so tiny. My son, his father, was one ounce short of 11 lbs, he was never this small. So my experience was very different with a newborn. Lucian looks just like his older sister. I couldn’t be with him for the birth, nor could his big sister, due to Covid.

They went to the dr on Thursday morning. They had a team of midwives, not an OBGYN. Her blood pressure was elevated, so they ran a couple tests and diagnosed her with preeclampsia, though it was fairly mild. They came home as they waited for test results but when they got them, were told to come back to the hospital to be induced.

Happily, when they got there, they found she was already in labor, and skipped the pitocin, which is a nightmare to deal with. They gave her something to help her dilate when she got there since she was only at 2 cm, and an epidural at 3 am. Both she and my son got a slight nap then. A couple hours later they checked her again, and she was at 10. They brought the midwife in (hijacked from her spinning class, lol). After pushing for only 25 min Lucian was born.

This tiny adorable little person, He is perfect, this little angel. Love just flooded through me. So much joy and hope came with him. When I told Dan, he just kept saying how much of those 2 things, joy and hope, came with him. Dan is not an overly emotional person, and I was so happy to hear and see that his sentiments were really sincere.

I loved waking his sister, and not saying anything, just showing her the picture of him laying on his mother’s chest. Her eyes were as big as saucers, being awakened from a sound sleep to see her beautiful baby brother. I’ll always remember that moment.

Yesterday, both Bruce and Dez (the mom) needed naps, as they had probably slept about 6-8 hours total in a couple of days. Bruce put on the Bucs football game and sat on the couch talking to me til he fell asleep. I sat in the recliner I bought them, with Lucian in my lap, and he slept through the whole game. Both his parents got the nice naps they sorely needed, and I got some wonderful alone time with the baby. I love watching a baby sleep, especially this one. Easy to think back to my own son’s birth, and all the joy I had then, and have now.

It all went perfectly, at least as well as it could with the shadow of Covid hanging over us. I would have loved to be able to take Ellena to the hospital so we could have met him right when he was born. But Covid. Grrr.

Oh and by the way, I hope I never hear someone tell me they can’t breathe with a mask on. Dez had one on from the moment they walked in the hospital, until she left. She delivered and labored through the mask for 15 hours, only taking it off when she and Bruce were alone. I’m very proud of her.

I’ve been cleaning, vacuuming, cooking, etc. With them all having had the C-word right after Christmas, and Dez being almost 9 months pregnant during that time, they pretty obviously hadn’t been able to do much cleaning and organizing, so I’ve been trying to help out with all that.

I was so sorry to hear that Thich Nhat Hanh died. Then I realized that he died on the day Lucian was born, and all I kept seeing on FB was words from him about there being no death, that spirit just changes form, and I want to think that could be what happened. An amazing man in another form, and a beautiful baby boy. How blessed am I???

Love, light and blessings to all!!

First Week In Colorado

I’m in Colorado at my son’s house, where we are all anxiously awaiting the arrival of my grandson. I got here Tuesday. There is baby stuff all over. Pack and Play, bouncy seat, changing table, etc…It’s been 30 years since I’ve seen all this stuff.

They have a dog and a cat, Obsidian and Onyx respectively. They seem to get along, though Obsidian, the dog, wants to play a lot more than Onyx the cat does. They are so cute, both are a brindle black and brown. The pup is small, only about 20-25 lbs. She never barks unless someone comes to the door. She didn’t bark at me at all, but warmed right up to me. She knows my name, and knew it by the 2nd day. My son or Dez (the girlfriend) will say “Go see Gramma” and she runs right to me. I told Dan that, and he declared that she was really smart to know my name already.

If I wasn’t so old, lol, someone might think I was the one pregnant, because I have been “nesting”. Every day cleaning like a madwoman, because the baby will be here any minute, and the house got way behind them because they all had Covid after the holidays, and Dez in particular is pretty much tired all the time. Considering she is 38 weeks pregnant, and just had Covid, it’s understandable. But she’s made some good food and is taking good care of the baby.

It’s cold here. Not like New England’s weather this month, but it’s definitely colder than I’m used to. And it’s not that warm in FL, highs in the low 60’s for a couple of days now. But hey, can’t complain. My old friends in CT are really in the deep freeze with wind chills well below freezing. We had one morning that it started out at 9° but warmed up to the mid-40’s. Today it was 60° for an hour or so. But, but, but I don’t like this climate very much. It’s so dry my lips are chapped, my fingertips are cracked and I’m itchy. I’ll take some humidity, which the AC deals with when it’s bad, over having my skin dry and cracked.

I watched the Buccaneers game on Sunday and could see the palm trees waving behind the stadium in the end zone, and got a little homesick. But there’s so much happening here, I wouldn’t miss it for anything. I miss having a car though, because I’m basically stuck in the house all day, which makes me want to do more cleaning. Bruce promised to take me to Trader Joes and a couple other places tomorrow, so I’m looking forward to getting out of the house. It was also Dez’s last day at work today, so we’ll be able to run some errands. Still need a better handle on how to get my granddaughter to school, even though it’s only a couple of miles from here.

It’s really been nice to spend time with all of them, particularly my son, because I hadn’t seen him in 2 years due to Covid. I missed him and his great sense of humor. This will be the longest I’ve seen him for since he moved here and I moved to FL.

So life is awesome. Pretty soon I will have a wonderful new grandson to love (well, I already love him!) Ellena, my awesome granddaughter, is the sweetest 9 year old. She is very artsy, and today she and I colored pictures of mandalas from an adult coloring book. It was just she and I all day, since it was MLK day. I’m really enjoying getting to know her better.

I’m very lucky, and blessed. Love and light to all.

Working Through Some Stress

I have a headache. So far in the last few days I’ve had 2 killer headaches, pulled a muscle in my right SI joint, which was, is, my good leg, and for good measure, I had lower GI issues.

Lord.

Before you tell me I better get my butt to the doctor, I will tell you I was just there last week, to discuss with her if there’s an alternative to insulin for me, and to get myself off of a diabetes med which I just found out has a black box warning. And to get some additional physical therapy for my back, which is the lingering issue I have with the whole spinal thing that resulted in surgery 18 months ago. Of course, I didn’t have a headache when I saw my dr., or lower GI stuff, or a pulled muscle. But I digress.

I think all these physical issues are primarily caused by COVID. My son and his family are better, just some lingering stuff like a cough, and exhaustion. And even that wouldn’t be such a big deal except that my grandson is about to join us in a few weeks. So yeah, I’ve been preoccupied with worry. But it’s not just him, it’s flying to CO while we hatch over 1,000,000 new cases a day. I haven’t seen my son for 2 years because I didn’t want to walk through an airport, but now I HAVE to go. I am, somewhere under all this worry, so excited to be there. I wouldn’t miss his birth for anything, which is obvious because I’m going.

But that brings a bunch of other minor stuff to obsess over. Like, I don’t own a winter coat. And I can’t seem to buy one in FL unless I’m willing to pay full price, which I’m not because I will not wear it again after I get home. Unless my son can convince me to go to CO again in the winter. But he might, so I’m leaving the coat I end up with in CO. Then there’s the slight problem I have walking through airports because I can’t really walk very far. However, I’ve been told that I can get on one of those golf car thingys and hitch a ride to baggage claim. My son will meet me there and I’ll be fine.

I also don’t have much in the way of warm clothes. But I bought enough layerable sweaters from Goodwill and from Amazon to get by. Like boots, and a warm robe, and some warm pj’s. And warm slippers.

Now add to this, I am going to be gone more than a month, and that makes me uncomfortable. After 2 years of staying home or at Dan’s, breaking isolation for a very occasional meal out when the Covid numbers were down. Once all my friends were vaccinated and boosted, we kind of thought we were safe and resumed our book club and writers group meetings. Now that we are somewhere around 80,000 cases a day here, we canceled them all again and will have them on Zoom again. Which is kinda nice, I’ll be able to attend if anyone can host the meetings.

Plus one of the lenses in my new glasses is loose, so I need to go get that fixed. Minor, but a hassle.

Then there’s Dan’s 95-year-old mother, whose newest obsession is that when she gets hot or chilly she’s sure she has Covid. Like 5 times a day, she’s calling him telling him in her weakest most frail voice to come over because she has Covid. He walks 80’ to her condo and adjusts the thermostat and Covid amazingly disappears. Please understand that she NEVER goes anywhere, and she’s told all her friends they can’t come over. It’s minor for me, but it’s really hard on Dan. It’s a constant undercurrent of our life together.

So, tonight I am sitting with my headache and realizing that I have let my worries spiral out of control. I’m feeling the physical manifestations of stressing myself out over this amazing gift of a grandson I am about to be given. I need to spend some time in grateful meditation. I need to breathe, in through the nose, out through the mouth. I need to eat good, nourishing food. I need to take a walk or ride the bike at the gym and work up a sweat and get my head into a better place.

If you made it this far as I work through this stuff, I thank you so much. My head already feels better. And I’m breathing.

Love and light everyone.

Happy New Year?? I’m Trying…..

New Year’s Eve, 2021

Covid is rampant, far beyond what anyone expected. My son’s family all came down with it Tuesday morning, from a small Christmas gathering. They are improving daily, and I’m hoping soon they’ll be fine.

But Covid is only one terrible story on this New Year’s Eve. Fires destroying hundreds of homes in Colorado. Winds packing gusts sometimes up to 100 mph. My son took his dog for a walk yesterday and a small kitten, he said about 6-8 months old, followed him home, thankfully with a collar and contact info with the phone number of the owner of the car. He said it was sitting under a tree (small tree) and shaking, because the wind was so wild. He kept it in the house with his family. The owner told him the cat was an outdoor cat, and she’d be home that afternoon. I don’t understand why someone would have a kitten, and leave it outside all the time. Cats are not safe by themselves outside (I’ve had a bunch of them over my lifetime), let alone a small kitten.

Then, again, Putin and Biden are posturing for problems. Sick of that shit.

Now that we have enough vaccines for everyone who wants one, we don’t have enough tests. The company my son works for sent his store about 25 rapid tests to keep there, for anyone on staff who felt symptoms coming on. I’m very grateful that he works for a forward thinking company. He’s been afraid they won’t be able to open for a few days, there are so many people out with Covid. He drove in on Tuesday just to take the test which was overwhelmingly positive, and went home, along with another employee who was exhibiting symptoms. So he’s home til he tests negative, which he thinks will be Monday.

I am just trying to avoid everyone, so I don’t sabotage my trip out to CO. I am supposed to host my book club and go to a writer’s group meeting next week, but I am bowing out of both. Too afraid. When I am safely to CO, I won’t be so paranoid. Florida is once again the hottest spot in the country this morning, with over 77,000 cases yesterday. And Omicron is so contagious, I feel if there’s one person out of 5 or 6 that was exposed, almost everyone in that group will get it. They went to the girlfriend’s best friends parents home, where they go every Christmas. It was him, his girlfriend and their daughter, then the friend, her parents, her sister and brother-in-law. One of them had the virus, not yet symptomatic, and by Sunday night they began falling one by one. The OBGYN told my daughter-in-law not to worry, that the baby is pretty much fully developed by now (she’s 36 weeks). And she is vaccinated, so she feels pretty safe.

So, I am wary, even of my friends, all of whom are vaccinated and boosted. We have lost a number of people who were fully vaccinated. No one knows who might have bumped into someone who was infected. So….I’ll stay home until it’s time to go.

My friends don’t seem to be very worried. Some have encouraged me to attend, but I am just apologizing and saying sorry, I just can’t.

We have a nice quiet evening planned. Good food, watch some movies, talk, then watch the Lightning play the Rangers. I came to Dan’s last night so I could watch the Lightning, who are in first place in the NHL, get creamed by the Florida Panthers, who are in Third place. But I can’t blame the Bolts. They have 6 players out on Covid protocols, including both goalies. So we had 2 goalies who were playing in their first NHL game. It wasn’t pretty. They also have 3 players out with injuries.

So I guess my biggest worry is the damn virus. I mean, we are all so sick of it. I just want to get to CO in time to see my grandson born. But I think I will. And I am sure my son and family will be healthy again sometime next week.

So, what started out with me being so depressed by bad news has turned into a reminder that I have much to be grateful for. I do have worries, but I have more blessings. So, I go into 2022 hopeful. I mean, what’s more hopeful than a brand new life being born? I can’t wait to meet him.

Love and light to all. And Happy New Year to everyone. May 2022 be a year of less trauma and worry.

New Glasses, New Book for Book Club, and a Little Supernatural Thrown in For Good Measure.

I had a book club meeting today. We were supposed to be reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, but only some of us had started it. There’s been a lot of chaos among the members of the group in the last month, some of us had read the book already, some not, but today, instead of discussing it (although we did do that on the edges of our conversation) we just caught up with each other. One member has had to take custody of her grandchildren ages 2 and 4, while her daughter tries to figure her life out. Another one, who survived breast cancer, had her implants removed, because they were making her sick. She didn’t make the meeting, her surgery was only about a week ago.

So we decided on reading the new Brene Brown book, Atlas of the Heart. When I got home, I ordered it for my kindle and have only read not even the whole introduction but it seems to be vintage Brene, and I know I will love the book.

I got my new glasses today, and it’s SO INCREDIBLY AWESOME to be able to see clearly again. To read street signs and see the leaves in the trees. I’m most excited to be able to read the print on the TV without having to walk up to it to read it! I honestly forgot what it was like to see clearly, not to see everything as a smudge of color or something. I almost cried when I walked out into the daylight and could see EVERYTHING.

Getting old can suck. You know, really. I never considered the idea I might not be able to see well when I turned 70! Of course, not being able to walk was a bigger deal and really dwarfed my inability to see well as a problem. But at least I won’t be driving off the road again because I can’t see the side of the road (which I did at Dan’s house after the Super Bowl.)

I have a friend here who makes these adorable gnomes, by hand, and is selling them all over the place, in NY, PA, FL, and many others. She has a website, check it out! They are so adorable! https://www.seashellsandlemons.com/gulfportgnome.html#/

Last but not least I have some weird stuff happening. About a month ago, a friend was here, at my house. We were just talking, sitting on the couch and there was a really loud banging on my door. Obviously someone knocking, 4 times, loud. I got up within a couple seconds to answer it and there was no one there. No car parked in front of the house, no one walking down the street. No deliveries left by the door. I have a welcome sign hanging on my door, but it only bangs when it’s windy which it wasn’t. We kind of blew it off, and kept visiting. Today, it happened again. 2 knocks, not 4, but I got right up and went to the door, thinking it was an Amazon delivery. But nothing, again. No car in the street, in fact no cars at all in the street. No one walking. No one outside my house in the back, side or front. Nothing. Altogether weird, I know it was not my welcome sign because I’ve heard that too many times and in fact, take it down on a windy day. But the wind today was 0. So twice now, I’ve had phantom knocking at my door. I keep thinking I want a video, like Ring or something, to take a video when it happens so I can see what it is. So very strange.

So big excitement. Book club and new book, new glasses, phantoms…and going to see family this weekend too! I guess I need the supernatural in my life too?? So strange, but I’m so happy I can see that I’m not going to worry too much about it. Til it happens again.

Life is good. Love and light to all.

A Clear View Out My Window, and Getting Ready To Go to Colorado

We sold our boat a few weeks ago. I’m almost gleeful about it, because it’s been parked in my front yard for 2+ years as we spent a lot of time wondering if we’d ever be able to use it again. The decision to sell it came about from the realization that I won’t be able to maybe ever step onto it from the dock. My hip/leg/back issue needs a stable platform to stand on. Getting onto the boat when it’s 2 ft. below the finger dock and the wind is blowing is just out of the question. So the boat was sold to the first response to the ad, a guy who brought a mechanic with him to look at it, and who confirmed to the buy that it was a really good deal.

One of the best things about selling it is that I can see out my front windows again. No boat blocking my view of what’s going on in the neighborhood. I still have not stopped expecting to see it when I look out there. Even gone so far as to walk over to the window just to confirm that it’s gone.

I’m going over to my sisters on the island this weekend. I have not seen her in so long, nor have I been over there, for almost 2 years, because of Covid and my leg/hip thing, and then, she goes back to VA for the summer. But now that she’s back here we want to get together before I head to my son’s for the birth of my grandson. And I told her I want to say goodbye to the island, because they are selling their house there and moving slightly inland. We’ll be closer to each other with the move, but her house on the island is just so full of good memories for me. When I worked, I lived all year for my week at her house in March. 3 blocks from a never-crowded beach, 500’ from the town dock. She had great friends for most of the time she lived there, it was a real small old Florida kind of place. Her new house will be lovely, and she and her hubby won’t have the fear of hurricanes they did being 6’ above sea level. It’s the end of a chapter in my life though, for sure.

I made my flight plan for Colorado. I’m going 1-11-22. Such a cool date, lol. All 1’s and 2’s. Baby is due 1/27/22, and this way I’ll be there if he’s early, and have a little time to get settled into a routine with the family, learn the way to Ellena’s school, the grocery store and stuff. I’ll be gone awhile, probably towards the end of February. Dan will check on my house, and I’m sure my two good friends down the street will keep an eye on it. I’m so excited, I have not seen my son in almost 2 years, and that’s due to Covid. Now we are all vaccinated, even 9 yr old Elena, and feel safe enough to travel. Way too long a period of time not to see your kid. Dez, his girlfriend, is about 8 months and is big as a house. At least according to her. She’s 5’2” and about 100 lbs soaking wet, but she’s so small that she looks huge! The pregnancy has brought she and I closer, and I love that. I’m going to enjoy actually living at their house, being part of their daily lives. They’ve always been such quick visits, a week. 4-6 weeks will be wonderful, even though I’ll miss Dan.

It’s been a beautiful fall here, with days in the 70’s, nights in the 50’s, sometimes low 60’s. Doesn’t rain much, which is probably not a good thing, but in the moment it seems so nice to have bright sunlight every day. I got my cataracts done, and will hopefully have a new pair of glasses sometime this week. And boy is the world a more beautiful place without them.

Hope everyone is well, and enjoying this holiday season. Love and light to all.

11-11-21

Yesterday was 11-11. Some of you know, and maybe some don’t, the significance of this date. 1, and 11, are master numbers. 11-11 resonates with new beginnings, moving forward, taking inspired action, among other things. It is a portal that comes once a year, opening up a pathway to your higher consciousness. If you feel stuck, options to move out of that stuckness might present themselves to you on 11-11, if you’re open to the energy it brings.

It’s an important day in spiritual circles. Yesterday, I went to a friend’s house for a circle of like-minded community. It was the birthday of one of my good friends, a member of the book club. For those who dabble in numerology, her actual birthdate is 11-11-56. 56 also reduces to 11, and this year she is 65, which of course reduces to 11. High energy birthday! As it turned out we had 11 people in the circle as well. One of the people brought a very heavy granite stone which she claimed was from Stonehenge. It was about 2’ wide, 15” tall, and maybe 10” at its widest point, with a rounded-o center kind of like a seat. She said she was given it by someone she used to care for. I was skeptical but then realized that this isn’t a crowd who makes things up. Usually, the egos are left at the door. So I chose to believe her. I held it for a bit, trying to get feel the energy. It stayed in the center of the circle as we gathered. We began at 11:11 on the nose, with a brief meditation. Then we all spoke, telling where we lived, and what our strengths are, and kind of what’s going on in our lives. So naturally, I mentioned reiki, sound healing, and of course (!) the upcoming birth of my grandson. Afterward, we sat around her kitchen and ate all the goodies people had brought with them, and got to know some of the people we didn’t know as well, expanding all of our circles.

The woman who hosted it is a medium/psychic, as well as teaches all things about spirituality. She is full of in-depth knowledge. She had just rented this house, which was lovely, not really even moved in yet. But she knew she wanted to rent it when the address was 1333 Stonehenge Drive, in a town not too far from here. 1333 also reduces to 10, which is a 1, in concert with the date. And the location…it’s one reason I chose to believe the large stone was really from Stonehenge.

Next, we went to a holistic wellness center, where she held her first group on “Inner Alchemy”. It was very interesting, and I learned some things I didn’t know. We ended that with a meditation of about 30 minutes, which turned out to be a very deep meditation for me. I was definitely in another space.

Then the people I was with wanted to go to a store that sells crystals, candles, herbs, and other assorted things that support the spiritual community. I was actually getting tired, and my back hurt from sitting in a folding chair for too long. When we left there I thought we were headed home. There were 4 of us in one car. But our 4, as well as 4 or 5 others from the group I had just met, wanted to get something to eat. I was hungry as well, so we went to a micro-brewery and got some decent bar food before we headed home. Even though I’d been anxious to get home because I was exhausted, I was glad we stopped because I’d hardly eaten all day and the ride home took a long time because the traffic was horrendous. In the last 2 weeks, a lot of snowbirds have returned to Florida, and the roads are choked and will be til about May.

When I got home I called my son who had his first day in his new store yesterday, although he’s only prepping it to get it ready for next Thursday when they will actually open to the public. I called Dan and told him about my day. He is always supportive of what I do, even if it’s a lot of woo-woo to him. He listens and understands me, which means the world to me. Then I tried to watch TV and gave up when I kept falling asleep, so I went to bed at 9! And woke up at 6! 9 hours of sleep!

We sold our boat earlier this week, and the buyer is coming today to take it. I am so excited to have it out of my front yard, and have a little money back in my account. I can start to plant things in the yard. I have so much I want to do around here. Now that I have no cataracts I can actually see how dingy some places in my house are, so I have a lot of stuff I want to get done inside and outside the house.

Thinking that I will use the 11-11 energy to propel myself forward to get some of this stuff done. Starting now. Hope you all had a great 11-11 yesterday. Love and light to all.