The Mermaid in the Net

mermaid in a net

It was you who drug me
Out of the doldrums of my life
Wind would not carry me
Nor the tide

Stagnant, I moved in endless circles
Washed over 1000 times
By storms of the past
Til one day
You caught me in your net
And hauled me in.

A mermaid,
Without a tale
I was a sorry mess.
I was sinking to the bottom
Twenty fathoms below

Drooling seawater
As my heart began to beat again
You touched my brow,
I found I could feel again.

All my flailing had been for naught
Until the net you cast,
Brought an end to my wandering.
I would lay in the hold of your boat forever
As you brought me back to land.

There to dry out
To feel the wind blow
To feel the sunlight on my face
Peel the seaweed from my face
And rinse the salt from my hair

I was safe there
With you.
Forevermore would be.
Because you saved me
From being lost at sea.

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Cured

It seems odd to have written so many posts, for so long, with really no drama, outside of the moving me and my son stuff. It’s lovely, really, to just go about life and deal with the settling in of my house, with no additional emotional drama. Geez, I hate that stuff, really. I’ve had more than enough in my lifetime.

I guess the sign I saw down here was right.

the-cure

My son has been working a ton of hours. He’s been upset that he’s scheduled open to close 4 days in a row, 12 hour days. He’s on salary, because he’s management. He’s also been upset because he’s been at this job just over 2 weeks, and had to step in for a manager who left with no notice. My son had to figure out how to do things he’d not been trained to do. As he said, “They haven’t given me the tools to do what I have to do. It’s been trial by fire.” It’s a busy retail cellular service store.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon he called me and told me that the CEO of the franchise called him and thanked him for all his work, for stepping up and doing the job, acknowledged their problems, and would like to give him 2 tickets to Denver’s major league soccer team’s play-off game last night! They are worth $75 each, so it’s like a $150 bonus! He was so delighted! I said, “Bet you don’t feel so bad about all the hours now!” So he and his bff out there went to the game last night. I also told him that I bet he’d have a lot of friends back home who would be jealous! My son played soccer goalie when he quit hockey, he loves the game. Happy for him.

Hoping my friends want to go to the brunch (at which I’ll just get coffee) and listen to some music. Then maybe I can get them to take me to the thrift stores to look for a kitchen table, and a TV stand and some deck furniture.

I missed the sunrise this morning. Got up a little later than normal, didn’t feel like rushing off. Maybe I’ll catch the sunset, maybe I can get my friends to go over to one of the St. Pete barrier beaches and watch it with me. I just stepped outside and the humidity seems way less this morning. It’s a nice break.

I guess its time for me to get to living this easy laid-back life. Love and light everyone. Hope your day is wonderful.

The Gift (A Poem)

sun and moon

Dogs barking,
A plane hums overhead,
Crickets chirping,
The smell of fresh cut grass,
Children laughing,
And screen doors slamming.

And then,
The stillness takes over.
Not even a hint of a breeze,
Not a single dark cloud in the blue.
Momentarily,
Not a sound.

Summer.
A peaceful summer’s eve.
She sits in her sacred place
And listens to the sounds of the earth.
This earth,
This planet.
This body.
This heart.

She’s grateful,
Because, what else is there?
Day and night,
The sun, and the moon.
The breeze and the stillness.
The green trees and the blue sky.
The ocean and the stars.
Life, the gift.

To The Shore, Or Not….

Sleep did not evade me last night!  I got about 8 hours, albeit broken by waking up every couple of hours.  But I got back to sleep pretty easily without Ambien.  Yay!

My energy is my own this morning, and that feels good.  No angst, except about how I’m going to do everything I want to do and still maybe get to the shoreline, lol.  Grocery shopping first, my fridge is so bare! And putting the outside lights up, which shouldn’t take all that long.  I promised my son I’d make cookies too.

The shore is about 45 minutes from me, which means an hour and a half drive time.  Maybe an hour there.  Maybe take a pad of paper and my kindle, read and write.  Or just use my phone to write.  I think I need to go.  Need those negative ions that blow off the water and connect to my soul.  The endless sky and water, and the islands, the places of my dreams that are also places I have some warm memories of.

I have some memories of S at the place I would go.  (That’s a pic of it at the top of the page.)  Our first date, which ended because the park closed.  We spent the whole day together there by the water, just walking and talking.  It is also the place where he first told me he wanted to be alone, it was last spring, and figure out what he needed to do with his life. He said, “I think I’m gonna break your heart again.”  I answered with a smile, “Again?” We walked on the beach, we sat at a picnic table, we walked around the park and talked.  I didn’t get upset, at all.  I remember he was turned around as to where he was in relation to the water and the islands, and insisted that one island was another.  These were the waters I lived on, on my boat, for 30 years, so I told him when we walked up on a ridge he’d see I was right.  And of course I was.  I laughed and said, “See….here you have a woman who knows the waters around here like the back of her hand and you don’t want her…”  He looked at me and said, “It’s never been a question of not wanting you.”

I asked if it was a temporary or a permanent break, he said “I didn’t think temporary  was an option.”  I told him that I think he probably needs to do it, and if he wanted he could just check in with me when he felt like it, let me know how he’s doing.

Obviously, that was all because Betty was back in his life, I know now.  Why he didn’t want to tell me the truth I don’t know.  But at any rate, when I didn’t get upset and just was a friend to him, he asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner (which never meant just dinner).  So much for not seeing me anymore.  I said to him, “you just said you wanted to be alone….” He said, “but I like you so much when you’re like this….”  Lol.

I do think he had a soft spot for me, and in some warped way wanted to keep me in his life, while he kept her.  It’s just too bad that he couldn’t own the truth with me.  He could have kept me in his life if he had, as a friend.  If he could own what he’s done now, we might be friends again.  I never could hold a serious grudge.  Even for this, if he’s learned his lesson and can stop lying to me. I would never be intimate with him again, but we could at least talk, he could still make me laugh.  Maybe.  If he could own his story, and stand up and be counted.

Of course, he may be holding a grudge with me, for making him tell her, for bringing the truth out.  But I think, really, he knows that it’s his own actions that caused the situation.  Not the fact that I insisted the truth be on the table.

At any rate, I don’t feel like I’d be triggered into anything if I go there.  I feel like it’s all a story of my past now.  Distance and time have given me back my own life.

Time for me to get my day underway, if I really want to get everything done today.