The Gift (A Poem)

sun and moon

Dogs barking,
A plane hums overhead,
Crickets chirping,
The smell of fresh cut grass,
Children laughing,
And screen doors slamming.

And then,
The stillness takes over.
Not even a hint of a breeze,
Not a single dark cloud in the blue.
Momentarily,
Not a sound.

Summer.
A peaceful summer’s eve.
She sits in her sacred place
And listens to the sounds of the earth.
This earth,
This planet.
This body.
This heart.

She’s grateful,
Because, what else is there?
Day and night,
The sun, and the moon.
The breeze and the stillness.
The green trees and the blue sky.
The ocean and the stars.
Life, the gift.

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A Good Place

a good place.jpg

Feeling a little passively content this morning.  Not so angry at S, as I have been for 24 hours, which followed reading my blogs from last summer.  I had a hard time with them.  I was in so much pain, all summer.  Trying to make sense of what was happening to our relationship, nothing fitting together. I know he read every one of them, and knew the pain he was causing with his lies, and didn’t care….as long as he was getting what he wanted.

But that’s who he is.  He is who he is, I’m just glad to know now, and be out of it.  I accept him as he is, I don’t invite him into my life though.

I’m sure that the loving attention I get from A has soothed the anger.  It reminds me how insignificant S’s behavior is, in the face of someone loving you.  Sometimes I want to be with A, but I’m so fickle right now, I know sometimes I won’t. Or, I’m afraid I won’t.  Right now, he is not rushing, or pushing me in any direction, he’s just loving me, and I’m just loving him, from a distance, and it is very healing.  Just the right amount of relationship for me, while I continue to put the one with S in it’s proper place, and gain perspective on it.

I’ve learned that I caused so much of the pain I experienced, by trusting S with out his having earned my trust.  I’ve learned that I have to love myself first, and demand what I need.  Over the summer, I thought what I needed was him, but when he refused, what I needed and demanded was that he let me go.  I realize now, that I should have just gone, I didn’t need his permission, or release, because he wasn’t going to give it.  He wanted me to continue to adore him, to desire him…..no matter the cost to me.

I’m stronger now, and wiser.  Whoever I love next, will get a balanced, more mature love, and all the passion I lavished on S…I will have more for the next one.  Because I will make wiser choices, I will love myself more and know my own worth and therefore, attract someone who also feels that way about himself and me. No more high school drama.

It’s all good.  I’m in a good place this morning.  Content again.

Hot Summer Day

This song has been in my head this morning, because it’s late summer and going to hit 90°F today.  I saw this band, It’ A Beautiful Day, back in 1970 when I was in college.  They blew me away.  They made one album, then had issues with royalties or song rights or something.  Now they have re-recorded a lot of their music under David LaFlamme, the leader and incredible violin player. The recording is from Tanglewood in 1970, so is not real hi-tech but still is awesome. These are the lyrics.  ENJOY!

Hot summer day (Hot summer day)
Carry me along
Oh, hot summer day (Hot summer day)
Please carry me along
Hot summer day
Carry me along
To its end
Where I begin

Long summer dream (Long summer dream)
Sliding round my mind
Those long summer dreams (Long summer dream)
Are leaving me behind
Hot summer day
Carry me along
To its end
Where I begin

Circling like a river
Over brightly colored stones
Breaking up my soul
And taking part of me home
Leaving the other half
To tumble all alone
Love, love, where did you go?

Hot summer day (Hot summer day)
Carry me along
To its end where I begin
Those long summer dreams (Long summer dream)
Still spinning round my mind
And they end where they begin

And I want to grab that river
And stop the love that’s dying
Because I know that somewhere
Deep inside my soul you’re still lying
Waiting to awaken
And shake that river’s flow
Love, love, where did you go?

They told me that the sun turned green
I said I didn’t know
And they told me that the moon turned blue
I said it didn’t show
And they told me that I looked a fool
And I said I’d let that go
But when they told me that our love was dead
I had to turn and go

Oh love
Love
Love
Love
Love
Where did you go?

Hot summer day (Hot summer day)
Carry me along
To its end
Where I begin
Long summer dreams (Long summer dream)
Sliding round my mind
And they end
Where they begin

Circling like a river
Over brightly colored stones
Breaking up my soul
And taking part of me home
Leaving the other half
To tumble all alone
Love, love, where did you go?