How I Spent the Day

I did say I had some cooking to do, didn’t I? So, I went into the kitchen at about 3:30. I decided it might be a good idea to get the house cooled down, since I was about to turn on the oven. I shut all the windows and flipped the switch to on, and turned the temp inside down a few degrees.

Let me say that I have been lax as a mom lately. All that stupid drama, but I’ve reset my focus on things that are important to me. Like making balanced good meals. I was a good cook at one time. I feel like I’ve forgotten more than I remember. I intend to change that, and get my screwed up priorities straightened out.

Then, I turned the oven on. Got out a box of Snickerdoodle cookie mix and made some for my son. His favorite cookie. Last night I had made one of my favorite snacks for the party. You take a toothpick and put on a piece of mozzarella cheese, a leaf of basil, and a grape tomato. Then you drizzle it with balsamic vinegar dressing. My son got none of those, except one. He tasted them and said, “Those are FIRE, Mom.” Meaning, they are really good. So I had some tomatoes left, some mozzarella left, and a bit more basil in my herb garden. So I put some more of those together.

Then I took a rack of spareribs and put them in the oven at really low with a little bit of water, after rubbing them with some BBQ rub. They need to cook like that for about 3 hours. But they will be goooooood. If you like ribs.

Then, I remembered that I had to make a dish to take to my friend Susan’s house Wednesday night. Her son is getting married. It is a quick and quiet wedding. The bride is not pregnant, but they met on FB, he is in the service. He is on leave from Japan and dying to marry this girl. So despite the fact that they have only spent one week together in real life, no one could talk them out of it. I think it will be a kind of weird wedding, not a lot of people. But Susan is one of my best friends, and her son and my son were very close for many years. I love him dearly, though am terribly worried about this.

I had boiled a dozen eggs yesterday. Today I fried a bunch of bacon nice and crisp and crunched it up into little pieces, mixed it with the hard boiled yolks, and made deviled eggs.

I’m all done cooking now, for the time being. I will put some corn on the cob on when my son gets home. But for now, I am sitting on the deck, once again, with a glass of wine and a bunch of stuffed olives. Yum. And writing again. Like an obsessed woman, lol.

I actually did a couple other good things today. I got a couple more pieces up on my Etsy site, www.sundogsdesigns.etsy.com. I posted some stuff on my Living Like Water FB page. I read. I chatted with a friend. I napped. But all in all, I had a good, relaxing but fairly productive day. Here are a couple pics of the necklaces I put up on Etsy today.

Love and light, all.

Going to Clean House

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I was going to do house cleaning anyway, it’s the first day I have been able to since my surgery.  But I am going to empty it of any vestige of him, there will be nothing around to remind me of him.  Except…you know the furniture.  The places we spent time together, the deck, the family room, the bedroom, the kitchen.  Those memories will have to just fade away.

I have some white sage smudge sticks.  I will set one up in every room we spent time in, and clean the energy.  It will help me to forget him.  It will help my anger.  It will help my hurt.  Thank God I have some knowledge of how to deal with energy.

I will ask a friend to send me reiki.  She helped me after the prison whore, when I thought I was gonna die.  She will help me again this time.  I can do self-reiki too.

I can get productive.  I can make plans with friends for tonight.  Hopefully for tomorrow.  and Monday.  But I’m gonna get my house spotless, clean out my garage, if my hand can take it. Gonna sit out on the deck and try to get into a deep meditation, on releasing the past.  Releasing the pain.

I texted with S a little this morning,  I wanted to know how long…he has only talked to her, and for 3 days.  But he stopped answering me, I was a bit to caustic I guess.  But in the same way I wear my heart on my sleeve, I also wear my anger and my pain.  And the truth.  He disappeared.  I don’t care.

That was cool to write.   I DON’T CARE.  It just came out of me with real ease.  Without any thought.  I don’t care.

At least not right now.

I’m so glad my son is gone for the weekend.  I’m so glad he will never have to know about this.  He hates S for the amount he’s hurt me.  Just seriously can’t stand him.  My son has seen me get so hurt in his lifetime, he can’t understand why I would continue to see someone who continues to hurt me, and use me for his own benefit.  And the kid is right.  I’m just glad he’s gone.  I won’t ever tell him, S has not been around in weeks, so he will just leave it be and be glad he isn’t around now.

I’m going to be fine.