Tonight. Well, tonight we went to my favorite restaurant called The Beach House and sat at a table in the sand, watching the sun set over the Gulf. It’s was spectacular. 

A slight sea breeze, a pod of dolphin playing offshore, an incredible sky, great food and awesome margaritas.  So relaxed and happy.  I miss my peeps back home and I know I will miss them more tomorrow when my friend leaves to had up north. But I’ll be fine. I have a lot to do this week. 

I met my neighbors this morning and they seem really nice. When I got here there was a note on my door from someone who said they loved my house and wanted to buy it. Would I contact them and left his phone number.  That’s a good sign I think. 

I’ve met a few people already through my friend who lives here. She knows so many people, and never fails to introduce me. I feel like shortly I’ll know a lot of people and who knows what may happen!  

It’s time for bed, end of another busy day. I’m sorry I’m so behind in blogs, I need to get internet set up this week, it’s too cumbersome to use the phone.  Hopefully by the end of the week I’ll be all set.  If not I’ll head for the library or a wifi hotspot. 

Love and light..

We walked the 1000 feet from my sisters house to the town dock this morning to see the sunrise. There were a few people there, a couple dogs. It’s my favorite way to start the day.  I think we’re going to walk over to the beach, then come back and jump in the pool.  Then go get brunch at the Mangia Cafe and sit outdoors listening to music.  Tonight we want to make sure we see the sun set over the Gukf of Mexico.  Maybe have dinner at a restaurant on the beach. 

It’s a rough life but someone has to live it. 😄 Feeling so utterly blessed I can’t express it. 

Lovr and light. ❤

I drank a couple glasses of wine last night, just 2. But it distrupted my sleep and I’m exhausted this morning. Thank God Susan, my friend, likes to drive, because I may need to sleep on the road. It’s early morning now, and I would pay money to be able to sleep another hour, but sleep is going to evade me for awhile I think.

It’s so good to be at my sisters. Just to feel wrapped in her care. I have to write a check to her today for the loan for my house. 🙂 So happy to do that, she and her husband are such blessings in my life.

We had a blast on the drive yesterday. We are such good old friends. Our first leg was on the Merritt Parkway in Connecticut, which is known for horrible traffic. It’s an alternative route to I-95, but not much better We meant to miss it, and leave very early, but we didn’t get off until about 6 am. So we hit the rush hour toward NYC. We moved about 10 miles in an hour, if that much. I kept apologizing to Susan, because she was driving.

So, the GPS comes on and says, in it’s sweet, kind voice, after an hour of stop and go and mostly stop, “Traffic is getting worse, but you are still on the fastest route.” We both went hysterical, like “ok, bitches, there’s no way out of this but it’s still the fastest route.” Like GPS thought it would wait an hour to tell us this. WTF. We were wondering if we’d be stuck there all morning, and really kind of bummed out. But then a minute later there was no traffic. Thanks GPS.

Later in the day, we thought we smelled something nasty. Susan was obsessed apparently with identifying the smell, and rolled down the window. And filled the car with the smell of cow manure. LMAO. I was like Good job, Susan, I guess you identified it.

We listened to an audible book for awhile, and music. But mostly we talked, we just never run out of things to talk about. So we got to my sisters before we knew it.

Today we are going to try to get to Jacksonville. Not sure if we’ll get quite that far, it’s about 600 miles I think. But if we can get that far, we’ll get to my house in Fl by late morning on Saturday. I am so psyched to get there. And have most of this journey finished.

It’s been a long road, from last March when I bought this house, to selling my house and packing it up, getting my son to Denver, and finishing the house and now driving another 1500 miles. I’m ready for it to be over. So tired or not, I’m pushing onward today.

I won’t have internet when I’m down there for awhile, so I’ll have to be posting from my phone, which means, they will probably be short posts, lol. But eventually, I’ll get back up to speed. Can’t wait to be sitting on a warm tropical beach listening to the waves. Two more days.

Love and light.

I am at my sisters in VA. It’s the first time in weeks I have felt like I could take a breath. All the emotional overload for the last few weeks is dissipating. 

Exhausted, I woke at 4:15 this morning, when I intended to wake at 5. We drive 400 miles and got here about 4 pm.  Susan, my friend, is so much fun to travel with. Laid back, loves to drive.  I have a few stories about today but I’m too tired to write them now. So think I’ll just turn out the light and go to sleep. 

Love and light. 

Well, I’m about to head for bed. My house is no longer mine. I’m ok with that. I went to my bff’s to say goodbye and barely cried. I know I will miss her. I left a HUMONGOUS pile of trash for the garbage man tomorrow, lol. I hope they take it all. If they don’t….well, I’ll be on my way to Florida so I don’t know what would happen in that case, lol.

I’m sitting in my friends spare bedroom, and really really tired. So many errands today, but at the end of the day, it’s all done. All the documents signed, the money squared away, all the odds and ends tied up. Tomorrow I start the last portion of this journey and I’m excited to be underway. I am feeling a little homeless, lol, So it will be good to be in my own place soon, fixing it up to be mine. Unpacking my stuff. It’s all happy stuff now. I told my friend tonight, “I know I have some emotional stuff headed at me. I’m just going to lean into it, and get through it.” And I did.

Hopefully I’ll be back to writing in a few days, when my schedule loosens up some. Til then, I’ll post when I can.

Love and light, all.

It’s so weird. To look at your house where you lived, and laughed, and loved, and played, and see it completely empty.  Like the day you moved in. 

So busy today, I’ve had no time to reflect, and probably won’t really, until we’re on the road before dawn tomorrow.  Right now I’m running to my BFF’s and then to my other BFF, who is going with me. Then back to my house for the cooler and snacks I bought for us for the road. Then back to her house for the night.  It’s crazy. 

I got to my friends last night and said, Don’t EVER move. Ever!”  They laughed…  I was so beat by then. I probably looked like a homeless person. Which in fact I feel kind of like. Lol. 

I signed all the closing docs today. Found out I’m getting a nice rebate on the property taxes, YAY!!!  That will help me. I’m getting anxious to be underway.  I have some emotional stuff to deal with and I know I have to actually deal with it.  But then, it’s on to a new adventure.  

Still feeling blessed.  Very blessed. 

More later. Love and light all. 

The movers are here. I’m watching my life go out the door into a truck.  My dresser just came down the stairs all wrapped in blankets and plastic. 

It’s weird. But I oddly feel better, forward motion, than I did this morning waiting. I don’t wait well. I grow impatient easily. 

This move seems like it’s been going on forever. Like it started months ago and now is happening. I will miss this place and people so much. But I’m on the last leg now.  Or almost anyway. Over half way.  

Just an update. Passing time while my life passed in front of my face. 

Love and light. 

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

I went to bed last night, in my bed, but my room is empty. Everything that made it mine is packed away. Still, it felt safe, and reassuring, and then I realized it was the last time I will go to sleep in that bed in that room. Which brought on a flood of tears, just a flood.

I WANT to go to Florida. I am not second guessing this decision in any way. But, my God, I have loved this place, this house, this town, and I love so many people.

I took a bag of cassette tapes to my ex yesterday. I had about 25 of them. I was driving around with them in my car for the whole summer almost, intending to drop them off, but never being able to pull it together to go to his house. But I don’t have room in the car for a bag of cassettes that I can’t listen to because I have no cassette player. So, I sucked it up and drove over. His cars were all there, so he was home. But I didn’t knock on the door, I just set them down beside the door to his tiny cottage, and left them. As I set them down, all I could smell was the must, and mold, and memories of a life that should not have turned out that way.

He lives next door to the scene of the crime, our old house, where for at least the last 10 years of our life together he emotionally tortured me and my son. The house is in such disrepair, the people who bought it have left it as is. I have no idea what their plan is. I would suppose that at some point they will tear it down and rebuild. But in the meantime, the acre of grass on the lake front has not been mowed all summer. Nothing, absolutely nothing, has changed since my ex lived there.

I drove away in such sadness, for the loss of what was our dream, for the wretchedness of my ex’s life now. For all that never was, but could have been, and all that was, and shouldn’t have been.

I called him to tell them I left them there. He said, “You should have knocked on the door, I could have said hi.” He doesn’t have even a clue how I feel about it all. I just said that I have so much to do, the movers are coming tomorrow.

I have told him 3 times now what the plan for myself and our son is. And still, he asks again, and can’t remember. His mother died from Parkinson’s an Alzheimer’s. I fear it’s setting in with him, and he is alone and far too secretive to tell anyone. I asked him for his email, and he began to go into an epiphany about why he doesn’t have email, but is on the computer all the time. And nothing he says makes any sense. i.e. that he didn’t have the right equipment for email.  That he had set it up many times but it was always hacked.  That he explained all this to our son, and started going into detail about a conversation that never took place.  I asked him if he talked to my son.  And he kind of stopped, dead in his tracks and said, oh I don’t remember when I told him this.  I haven’t talked to him in a long time.

Yeah, like 6 years.  This is what I mean when I say, he just makes up stories and believes them, or assumes everyone does, stories that have absolutely no basis in reality.  Stories that rewrite history in the way he’d like it to be.

Luckily the movers called, and I had a reason to cut the conversation short.

He wears me out, emotionally. Not good emotions either. Triggers, and sadness, and incredulity at the life he’s chosen to live. Yet, I feel I do him some good, talking to him, that somehow it offers him some kind of consolation that I can still care enough to do the right thing.  But it takes so much out of me.

It will be so good for me to leave all of it 1500 miles away. I would be so much happier if I was leaving a situation knowing he would be ok, but I am pretty sure his life will end as a tragedy. He will die in that cottage, and no one will know for days. Or he’ll be found wandering the streets, non-sensical. Or trying to get into the house next door, thinking it’s still his. There is no indication from him that it will not be that way, and every indication it will.

The day was tough, between that, and the Salvation Army not taking my couches, and finishing up all the packing, running up and down stairs many many times.

Then one of my oldest friends came over with my old next door neighbor, (she lives on the other side of my old house from my ex) to say goodbye, and we visited for about an hour on my couch in my boxed up house. It was nice.

This morning, though, I woke up as I went to sleep, weeping again, knowing it was the last time I would wake up in that room that has been my sanctuary for these last 5 years.

I can’t wait til I’m in Florida, and settled in, and can have that feeling again. I just need to get through these last 2 days in tact.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, because I’m not. I am so blessed in this life, to be able to do what I’m doing, and have friends and family who totally support me in every way possible. But there’s always a ying to the yang and I guess I’m finding it in these last days.

Time for a nice long meditation, and then onward, toward my new life.

Love and light, everyone.