Overcoming HyperVigilance

In the morning, I generally meditate for 15-20 minutes. I use guided meditations, they just seem to help me keep my mind clear of the noise, or at least, bring me back to mindfulness when I stray. I have noticed that I am often leaning toward the sounds, either from my computer or my phone. I can’t remember the name for this, EET? Electronic Energy Transfer? Maybe.

I remember when I was attuned for my level 3 Reiki. The teacher had me sitting in a chair and was playing a crystal bowl in front of me, and another in back of me. This is possible, because the circular sound continues, even after your stop playing the bowl, so she’d move from one to the other. I was in a pretty deep meditative state, and I remember finding myself leaning forward and then back, kind of in a circle with the sound, as she moved from one to the other, and each became dominant in turn. My eyes were closed, I was not paying attention to her movements. But I remember leaning into the energy.

Same thing with my meditation out of an electronic source. However….the crystal bowl is simply vibration, created from a human effort on pure crystal. The electronic energy is a man-made phenomena, and I wonder if it is good for me, actually.  Whenever I went to a gong bath, they asked us to shut our phones off, so that the phones would not be searching for an electronic vibration.

I guess it’s ok because I always feel more centered and grounded after it. But certainly not as I did back in the days when I used to get to the gong baths regularly, or a meditation group, where a person led us. I think I need to find that again.

It’s always a better, deeper meditation if I can sit outside. I haven’t been able to ngo outside in the early morning lately, because it’s been cold in Florida the last few days. Hopefully I’ll be able to get outside again by the end of the week. Nature always allows me to get to a deep space that calms and frees me.

I am beginning to let go of the hypervigilance that has been a part of my life for so long. I had to be hypervigilant in my marriage, to stay safe, and keep my son safe. I needed to stay a step ahead of his father, if I could. And with S, I was also hypervigilant, constantly trying to discern what was truth and what was a lie.

None of it matters now. I met a man who I don’t think is capable of a lie, any more than I am. And I have no need to be hypervigilant of those who are in my past any more. It’s a very peaceful, wonderful feeling. Not to be searching for that which can hurt you, because none of it can.

Still, I find it interesting how the energy vibrations can physically move me. I have found myself at times in the last few weeks, moved to hypervigilance unconsciously. Not realizing it until I was there. And then having to make my way back to my happy place. It became a habit.

I do trust my gut. I do think that if I find myself somehow becoming hypervigilant that there is probably an energy extending toward me, causing it. But I believe now, I can just send it back. It’s a vibration, temporary, and will dissipate, once I recognize it. Because I’m a reiki practitioner, I am very aware of the ability of energy to cover miles, 1000’s of miles, instantaneously. Because with some people I’m an empath, that energy can get amplified. But I’m beginning to understand. I don’t need to get caught up in it, or stressed out over it. Just recognize it, honor it, and let it go.

Life continues to be rich and full here. I am excited to spend time with Tim again, next weekend. I’m very excited to see my girlfriends from high school. I am so happy that my life has turned out this way. The lessons learned have not been in vain.

Love and light, all.

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Sleeping Under My Own Power

Before-I-Sleep

I have discovered a secret to sleeping well, I think.  I suppose it’s not a secret, and well-known by people more enlightened than me.  I’m not, historically a good sleeper.  I used to be, when I was much younger, until I spent years in an abusive marriage.  Being hypervigilant every minute is not good for sleep.

The last few nights I’ve had trouble getting to sleep, or staying asleep.  I’ve resorted to a low dose Ambien a couple times, because I have to have at least 5 hours of sleep to be functional at work for 9 hours.  6 or 7 is better, but 5 is the minimum.  I don’t like doing that, though, and don’t want it to be the habit it was for 6 months, when I had carpal tunnel, and after, when S did his thing to blow my world apart.

Last night, when I shut my light off, I snuggled under my comforter, and began to recite a list of things I was grateful for.  Actually saying, thank you thank you for things like, my warm bed.  My warm house.  Food in my pantry.  My son in his space.  My upcoming trip to Florida.  My sweet cat.  The ability to pay for the muffler that I just had put on the car.  My friends.  That I have two wonderful sisters.  That I had such loving parents.

On and on.

And I slept well, and easily. When I woke at 12:45, I did the same thing, and fell back to sleep easily.  Same when I woke around 3:30

Another benefit was that I woke this morning in a good mood.  I actually woke in a state of happiness, and that’s been a long time coming.  It’s so lovely to wake up and look forward to the day, not to wish I could just stay under the covers for 3 more hours.

Tonight I have gongs again.  Gongs and crystal bowls and drums and bells, I am looking so forward to it.  Always.  It always seems like perfect timing.  Such a good place, a good way, to let go of anything that no longer serves.  If you follow my blog, you know I have plenty of that!

So here’s to letting go of the stuff that keeps us up, and being grateful for the things that make our lives beautiful!  Love and light, all.