Monthly Archives: August 2016

Money With Wings

Posted on by learning to live like water

I swear, money is flying out of my hands. $500 car taxes, $275 for taxes on my slip, $300 for medicare, $300 to the town I live in in FL for water, garbage for 6 months. Not to mention the $5K I had to give the buyers, and the $2500 on the hot water heater. Plus electric bills, and gas bills…..I have to pay this, and get my son to Denver, and get myself moved. Yikes. Well, I’ll figure it out. I only planned to work 25 hours a week or so in Florida but may have to go for full time for awhile, and make back up all this expense. Someone told me I could Uber and make some decent money, probably true in season down there.

It will be nice there though, no taxes on my cars, tiny taxes on my house. No state income tax. People say the insurance on the cars is higher there, but there’s no state income tax on them, so in the end I’ll save money.

Money, I swear, it’s the bane of existence. Wish I could figure out how to live without it, lol.

I booked the movers last night. There went another $350 deposit on the move. (Shakes head…) I have to finish my throw away piles this week, and call someone to come take it all to the dump. I haven’t found anyone who wants my old washer and dryer, so I guess that will be hauled away by someone, and maybe my couch in the basement. Geezus.

Meanwhile, I packed up some of my artwork last night, but it’s hard to do too much at night after working 9 hours. And work has been hectic, and the people I’m training are kind of going into panic mode, realizing I’ll be gone soon. Especially, the one I’m training for my job. She seems to be hesitant to go to my boss and ask questions, fearing looking stupid or something. I ask him all the time, and it’s why we have a good relationship, because I find out how he wants things handled, and do them correctly. So I hope I can help her over that hurdle of asking him. It helps that I have run my own company. I don’t have any ego tied into my job, I just want to do it the way he wants it done.  I used to get so pissed at employees who wouldn’t ask and then screwed things up.  Or left them undone for the not knowing how to do them.

So here I am just muddling through this stuff, again. It will be nice when I’m on my way, and all this stuff is done. Just need to remember to breathe. Just breathe.

Love and light.

Working Through a Little Angst

Posted on by learning to live like water

I’m a little anxious this morning. It’s around my son’s move. I suppose, around my move too, if I’m honest. So much to do between now and me sitting on the deck of Avalon with a glass of wine and my family and friends around me.

The drive out west is making me a little nervous. So far to go, in my son’s little car. So many days on the road, 3 ½ at the least. Driving 8 hours a day. IDK. It’s just a wave, I guess. Just a wave of anxiety, of anticipating the separation from this child of mine.

My girlfriends asked me how I was going to do it the other night. And I looked at them and said, “I have no idea. I’m going to be crying the whole way back to Connecticut.” To hug my son goodbye and leave him in a strange place……God I wish he was coming with me instead.

But he’s not. So, I suppose it’s another lesson I need to learn. Non-attachment. How to let him go, and fly. Which I’m doing. I have not objected to his plan, I have encouraged him, I have helped him as much as I can, and will always support him. But God, I will miss him.

Maybe it triggers me back to when I couldn’t communicate with him when he was living with his father. His father bought him a new cell phone, no one would give me the number, they turned off the ringers on the house phones. But even then, I was only a mile away and I could just go knock at the door and beg him to come out and just give me a hug.

Well, now I’ll be able to talk to him. I just won’t be able get a hug. Until he comes to see me. Which he will. He has already told me that a ton of his peeps from here are heading out to see him around Christmas. Which is fine, I’m glad, it’s giving him something to look forward to. He’ll come see me probably in March, when the weather in FL is so perfect and it’s still winter in Denver. I’ll spend Christmas with my sister, which will be wonderful.

I guess I’m just writing this out, trying to make my way through it, and relieve the angst I have for today anyway. I know it will all be wonderful in the end. He will have a new life he loves, I will have a new life I love. We will include each other as we always have.

Connections stretch across miles, and some don’t weaken. I know that the bond he and I have will always be strong, we have just endured too much together, we have grown so much together. I know I am blessed to have this relationship with him. In the end, there’s only love.

Love and light…..

Circle of Friends

Posted on by learning to live like water

They are having a retirement party for me at work. It’s like a break in the day, in the lunchroom, usually ice cream cake and cookies. The pres of the company give a little speech, and they usually present you with a gift of some kind. It’s a nice thing to do. They are usually a surprise, but my boss told me his brother, the pres, won’t be here next week, so they want to do it this week.

Then there was a note on my desk, asking where to get the cake and cookies, lol. Because I have either planned or been a big part of the planning of these things up until my own. I definitely appreciate it though, it will be nice.

Then the friend who is going with me to FL is having Paint Nite at her house that night. That will be so much fun. If my painting turns out ok, I’ll put up a picture. It will be another good chance to see more of my friends before I leave.

I guess I just have to not think about what I’m doing, saying goodbye to everyone. Just like, I’m going away for a vacation or something and I’ll be back. Because I’m afraid I’m going to be crying for like a month between now and when I leave. When I think of all the things I’ve gone through with this bunch, how they’ve been there for me, keeping me close, helping keep my head on straight. And loving me even when I didn’t listen to them, because they could see what I preferred to be blind to.  When my family fell apart, and I couldn’t see my son, they invited me into their homes for family dinners, and included me, treated me as a family member.

I will miss them, friends of a life time. But I won’t lose them. They’ll come see me, I’ll come up here and see them. We’ll talk on the phone, and FB messenger. We will stay part of each others lives.

I’ll see more of the friends I grew up with, many of whom already are in FL, and the ones that aren’t come down often and visit, and will be relocating there within a few years. It’s like full circle.

I’m really really blessed. I’ve known quite a few people whose circle is small, very small. 1 or 2 people. My ex hasn’t got anyone, but that’s the way he wants it. To have friends, you have to be a friend. Be willing to go out on that limb, not knowing what the outcome will be, and not worrying about it. I’m just so grateful for the people in my life.

Love and light

Born on the Wind (A Poem)

Posted on by learning to live like water

born on the wind

She was born on the wind
It carried her to the stars
When her reach exceeded her grasp.
It carried her back to earth
When she longed for the safety
Of her mother’s arms.

She sang harmonies
That the wind carried to distant lands
She cried tears
And watered the trees below.

She smiled
And lit the dark places
She laughed
And soothed the suffering
With her joy.

Her name was Love.
Always and all ways.