This picture describes how many of us felt today.  Now, as Hillary said, “let’s let him lead.  Let’s see how he does.”  I’d rather not….but it is what it is.  He won.  So….onward.   Let’s each take care of our own corners of the world and hope all the dots connect.

How did this happen? How did people become so fearful, so full of hate, that they could support this man? This is not the country I thought it was. I am now afraid for the future, for my son’s future. It won’t make me hateful. It won’t make me fearful of my neighbors, of those who are different from me. It will make me hyper-vigilant once again in my life, as lies, hate, egos, and deception are the order of the day with this man.

I just want to cry, at what looks like a very dark 4 years. I suppose, as I try to wrap my head around this, that love is the only thing that can destroy the darkness, still. And so….I’ll continue to spread the light if I can, and pray that there are enough sane men and women in congress that the damage he wants to do to us will be minimized.

Most of you know I was in a long-term, extremely emotionally abusive marriage. It took years to get out of it, but I did, and I recovered, and healed and created a wonderful life for my son and myself. Trump’s election makes me feel like I’ve been thrown back in to that darkness. Into the place where I have to figure out the truth based on the lies he tells, have to deal with the fear and misogyny and huge oversized ego and somehow maintain my equilibrium. It throws me into hyper-vigilance again. Just watching the debates was trigger enough, as he stalked Hillary, and talked over her, and called her names. I know that MO. I know that man, and I want to be as far away from him as possible. Now, sadly, it’s 4 years of a man for whom it’s all about power and control, once again.

And isn’t it sad, that Hillary now has the popular vote, by about 100,000 votes. But lost the election. Our election process is so f’d up. Really. That should not happen.

Canada’s immigration site crashed last night, they think in reaction to Trump’s win. That says a lot.

I’ve always trusted the Universe to direct things for the highest good of all. I can’t see how the election of Trump is good for anyone, but I guess that when it’s hardest to trust the Universe, is when we most need to.

My heart aches this morning. But still, love and light everyone.

I was planning to go out tonight. Mostly as a distraction from watching the election returns. I guess, seriously, I’m as scared as anyone else, about the prospect of Hillary losing. Let’s hope it’s not a reality, and she pulls a win out of it.

Florida is the state they seem to be focused on. Trump has to win Florida, they keep saying to win the election. The returns that have come in are very very early, so you can’t really tell yet. Scary, scary.

My day was quite ordinary. I got my dryer vent installed, I can buy the washer/dryer now. I got the paint to paint my chairs, I went to the store. I saw a friend this afternoon, we split a salad which didn’t agree with my stomach, but it tasted so good.

A while ago I wrote about my friend here who I believe is getting scammed by some guy online. It just gets worse, he is still hitting her up for money, telling her he’s going to get sent to Kabul if she doesn’t send it, and he’ll get beat up by his superiors, and sent out to the dangerous missions, and she actually believes this. Among other equally unbelievable things. I can barely stand to hear her talk about it. She has a notebook full of usernames and passwords for shit they are trying to do, and it’s all shady. My prayer is she does not do anything illegal, and does not somehow come into some money to send to him.

It’s starting to affect my friendship with her. I have said to her, “Do you REALLY think that if someone put a contract out on this guy (her “boyfriend”) that they’d announce it to you on Yahoo Messenger?” Come on….. And if you believe that, screen shot it and send it to the police…..

My other good friend here, who I met through the first one, also can’t stand to even hear about it any more. We both love her, she’s got a good, big heart, but why she would allow herself to be sucked into this stupid stuff which is so obviously a scam, I have no idea. And she’s a little angry that we can’t back her up.

Geezus.

I miss my peeps back home tonight. They all live in the real world.

Back to election returns. Hope the world doesn’t tilt on its axis tonight.

Love and light.

We’re all a little fearful today, I think. Fearful of the direction our country could take by tonight. While we will all probably be very glad it’s over, there will be new issues to deal with no matter who wins. And I’m praying it’s not the man who incites hate, and anger, and racism and every low basal emotion known to man.

But regardless, we will have to heal from this horrible election season. It is not unlike healing from a long abusive marriage, where one person seeks power and control through emotional intimidation. We have to, when it’s over, sit back and remember who we are, in our center. Somehow we have to trust in the Universe to bring this election to a conclusion that serves everyone’s highest good.

Healing will begin with ourselves, to heal the almost visceral reactions we have had to the things that have been said, and done. And then to spread only love to others, even those who we think least deserve it. They generally are the ones who need it the most.

Marianne Williamson says when someone betrays us, and this election feels like that on so many levels, what we should do is pray for them. Pray for them for 5 minutes every day, for 30 days. Then, she says, the alchemy will happen. Either they will change, or we won’t care. Or, perhaps we will change. Perhaps we will gain some compassion for the person who was so down, that he was taken in by a charlatan, just to feel some self worth.

Just like the Beatles said, Love is all there is. Love is the answer.

So at the end of the day, lets dig down past the fear, and find the love that’s at our center, and begin to heal the terrible schism our country has been thrown into.

Love and light, everyone. Really….love and light.

“You can’t cross the sea by staring at the water.” – Rabindranath Tagore

I just tried to write a blog about what that quote means to me. It is embroidered on a pillow I have on my bed. Rabindranath Tagore is a brilliant poet, and so wise. The blog I was writing turned into me realizing that I didn’t get here, to this life in Florida by staring at the task in front of me, but by going after it step by step. By not waiting until I had everything I wanted, but to just keep moving in a forward direction.

When I used to go boating, we’d often make a crossing that took hours, sometimes out of sight of land. We were always somewhat nervous starting the trip. And as the day went on, we became one with the rhythm of the sea, gliding up and down the swells. We’d get to our intended harbor, usually throw out the anchor and feel like we were far away from our regular life. Even if we were only 50 miles away. Maybe all that boating prepared me for the crossing or the ocean to get to Florida.

Sometimes, when you’re crossing that ocean, you look back longingly at the shore you left behind. The people, the places, the memories. You might pause. Then you have to remember, you can take most of it with you. At least, the friendships and the memories.

Another person said to me, when I was trying to decide if I was going to give my home buyers from hell another $5000 to keep them from backing out on the deal…. “You can always get more money, Deb, but you can’t get more time.”  Which reall y, was what I needed to hear to just let the house go.  I wanted the time, more than the money.

Too many of us stay frozen in time, fearful of moving forward, fearful of staying where we are. Dream the dream, is all I can say. It will manifest, as long as what you’re dreaming is reliant on you, and not the actions of other people. Trust in the universe to make it all work out in your behalf, in everyone’s highest good. The universe wants us to be happy, I truly believe that.

Just…..stop staring at the water, as if the other shore is unattainable. It’s not. Just point your bow in the direction of your dreams, and let the wind and water and the universe carry you.

Sunday afternoon, waiting for my friend from Daytona to come. We are all supposed to go to a poetry reading at this really old-style hippie place this afternoon. A friend, who has a masters in writing, teaches writing, and is a published author, who has taken up poetry lately, is doing the reading. I told him a few weeks ago that I was going, so we kinda have to show up at least.

I had a bad night last night. I fell right to sleep, fairly early, and then woke up around midnight and couldn’t get back to sleep. I forgot to bring my Ambien, and wasn’t going to wake my sister up at 2 AM to give me one. My stomach started acting up again around 4. I fell asleep finally around 6, but then a friggin Amber Alert went off on my phone at 7:30. How irritating. So I guess I wasn’t supposed to sleep.

My sis and I found a kitchen table, perfect size with 4 chairs and a leaf, if I want it to be bigger, for $120. It’s made of bamboo, and very solid. We painted the table black yesterday. It looks so good, and will look perfect in my kitchen. I brought the chairs home to paint them, and I have to recover the seats. But I’m very excited. Then all I need is a rug that goes with it. Next is a TV stand, and I think it’s going to be Ikea for that. Getting excite about having my house more together.

It was lovely to spend the day with my sis and brother-in-law yesterday, despite not sleeping well. We got the table home, put a coat of paint on it, and then got into the pool for about a half hour, then the hot tub for another half hour. She keeps it so nice and warm, the pool was around 90°. We had stopped for lunch at a little outdoor restaurant in the fishing village of Cortez, and had an awesome lunch. We all took half our lunches back to the house, and had the rest for dinner.

Their house has been my vacation destination for so many years. I would be counting the days until I could take the time off and come down here and stay with them, and now I can do it whenever I want!

And, I have a darling little bungalow of my own to come home to. So happy about all this.

So despite the lousy night’s sleep, I am having a great weekend. I will be glad to climb into my bed tonight though, and see if I can’t sleep a whole bunch. Until then, love and light everyone.

The weather forecast here on my phone keeps saying it’s cooling. The phone will say it’s 72°. My car says it’s 78°. It says the high will be 82 for the day, I got in my car at 6:30 it was 87°. It seems like, per everyone, it is supposed to be cooling down, and, ok it is. It was close to 100 all of September and well into October. But how can they call it cooling down, in the 80’s?

I’m not complaining, mind you. I love wearing shorts, short skirts, cami’s, t-shirts in November. Just cracks me up, how 5° is perceived as cooling off.

I stopped taking the med I have been taking for arthritis when I got the stomach bug. But I started it up again tonight because my ankles and feet are killing me. It’s difficult to walk. I will meet next week with my new PCP. I’m hoping he can help me out with all this.

Tonight I went to the towns First Friday Artwalk. It was a lovely night, there were lots of great vendors, and lots of music at different restaurants. A lot of the restaurants have no walls, or half walls, and are just open. Just lends itself to that laid-back atmosphere. I found out that all the work has to be judged prior to being allowed into this show, so that’s why the artists/crafters are so good. I met a woman who runs a gallery. Her husband paints, and she does mosaics. She has been awarded, and showed us some of the work she’s been commissioned to do, by corporations. Really really talented. She also teaches classes in doing mosaics, and I’ve always been interested. I may take her classes when I get settled.

I also met a couple of published authors from town, so I will check their work out on Amazon. Something I might be interested in doing, self-publishing at some point. I keep meeting poets and authors who have done it, successfully.

Tomorrow I’m going thrift store shopping in my sister’s neighborhood, and then spending the night there. That will be so nice. We figured if we shopped for 3 or 4 hours, we’d be ready to go back to her house and get into the pool and the hot tub, have a nice dinner, watch a movie. I’ll have to leave fairly early Sunday because my friend is coming into town from Daytona Beach. Should be a fun day.

So life is good. Really looking forward to spending the day with my sister and brother-in-law tomorrow. Love and light, all.