Dating? Maybe?

Posted on by learning to live like water

I’ve been communicating with a guy from a dating site. I told him I’m going to be moving and not looking for any serious kind of relationship. He seems to be a really nice man, but I just spoke to him in the phone and when I hung up all I could think was 

BORING. 

lol. He wants to take me out to a place down by the shore when I get back from Florida.  Idk. He’s nice, definitely not my type though. No connection. So idk if i should bother persuing this convo. It’s a dinner, he knows I have no desire for a relationship, but it feels like using someone to go out just for a free dinner. 

Now if the other guy I’ve talked to asked me, Carlo, yeah. Maybe. He’s got a motorcycle. So I don’t think he’s boring anyway. lol. 

Crazy.  

But then, that’s life. I still think he’s in Florida. Waiting for me. 😊

Manifesto

Posted on by learning to live like water

I love Brene Brown, as anyone who follows my blog knows.  She is brilliant, and can explain things in very human terms which are easy for us to relate to.  This manifesto is from her book Rising Strong, which has been instrumental in getting me from the weepy, sad, rejected woman I was 6 months ago, to the strong, self assured woman I am, who knows her worth. I’m worth more than I was getting. And I am still not afraid to be vulnerable.

Rising-Strong-Manifesto

 

Sunday

Posted on by learning to live like water

White wine and a bath

Glass of white wine.
Lavender scented hot hot bath.
Relax, stretch out.
Lean back.
Close eyes,
Breathe in
the lavender
Essential oil.

Essential, at the moment.

Shopping.
Bought a dress.
A fun dress, to wear out.
For Florida, with my friends.
Above the knee. 
(My Florida friend swears she knows hot musicians.)
Bought some flip flops.
Trying on clothes
in the stall next to my BFF.
“Help me with the zipper…”
“How does this sweater look?”
Both of us tried on the same dress.
Neither of us liked it.
I tried on another
I liked it. She approved.

Bought a new pocket book.
That’s what I went for. LOL.

Came home.
Pot roast in the crock pot
Smelled good.
Even my son said so.

I cleaned the bathroom,
son’s bathroom.
He tried to stop me,
He said he’d do it. But
I wanted to take a bath.
I cleaned it.
It wasn’t that bad.

There I lay
in a lavender
Essential Oil Scented
very hot
Bathtub
With a glass of white wine
Garlic stuffed huge green olives.
A good book
My iPhone playing
Pavarotti.

Life is good. Sigh……

On Having My Heart Back

Posted on by learning to live like water

happy heart

My heart
Closed for so long
Is cracking open again.

The beating had slowed,
As my heart contracted.
Feeling small,
The outer edges became thick
And hard,
Impervious.
It only wanted safety.

It wept quietly inside of me,
Begging me not to expose it again
To
The lies
The deceptions
The rewriting of history
The duplicity.

And so I didn’t.
I won’t.

There is nothing left to say or do.
Lies exposed, deceptions revealed.
I breathed, in relief.
And walked away.

My heart is happy, today.
It opened one eye,
and began to soften again
In preparation
For living
No longer fearing dying
At my hand.
No longer having to fear
Another onslaught of
Lies
Deceptions

An Evening with the Opera

Posted on by learning to live like water

Tonight I’m home, and watching TV and on the computer.  Bored with FB, I went on YouTube.  I just perused the home page, and clicked on Luciano Pavarotti.  The first video was Pavarotti singing Nessum Dorma in Central Park.  And I thought….God, to listen to him, imagine in person!, is to be in the presence of true true greatness.

Then something he sang with Celine Dion, I Hate you then I love you, which was nice but not as impressive as Nessum Dorma.  Then singing Miserere with Zucchero.  I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t know who Zucchero was, but I googled him.  So now I know that he is well known in Italy, but is not an opera singer.  I watched Pavarotti sing  Ave Maria with Bono at an anti Iraq war concert in Italy.  That was amazing.

I never liked Opera as a kid.  I have grown to love it as an adult, but still don’t have any of it to listen to.  I think I need to put some on my iPhone though.  It is so beautiful, something you feel, not just hear.  None of it is in English, yet…you can feel the emotion.  It’s enough to make me cry, but because it just delights the senses, with it’s richness, and fullness, and it’s sheer beauty.  It has the ability to transport us to a higher place.

S once told me he would take me to the opera.  One more of those things he said that was just idle talk, never meant to be taken seriously, and had to be let go.  Well…..someone will.  Or I’ll take myself.  That’s for another day.  Right now, I think I’ll go to iTunes and see if I can’t find some Pavarotti to put on my phone, for those days when I am numbed by all the callousness in this world.

I leave you with this.  In the words of David Crosby, “Music Is Love”.

What to Do If You’ve Been Betrayed

Posted on by learning to live like water

Marianne Williamson is one of the great spiritual teachers of our time.  I have written so much about betrayal, and forgiveness, and how to deal with the whole situation that I recently experienced.  She is brilliant.  Just brilliant.  Love is truly the greatest, and I believe only real, power in the universe.  Watch this, if you’ve been betrayed.  (And I know there are a bunch of us out there.)

 

Rising, Rising Strong

Posted on by learning to live like water

Woke up happy today! Even though it was my cat Maggie who woke me at 5:30, snuffing and purring around my head. I don’t know why she did, it’s not her normal MO. But whatever. I laid in bed for about 15 minutes, luxuriating in the fact that I did not have to get out of bed and get ready for work. I slept well, again.

Feeling more centered and grounded, and myself than I have in a long time. There are no unresolved issues in my head. I have a lot going on, like, a real life. No illusions, it is all real at the moment, and not something I have to roll around in my head constantly wondering what is really going on. I have vacation, plans with friends, a house to get ready for sale, things to do.

There is no drama. I can’t believe what a difference it makes, to have the drama out of my life. I sleep, for one thing. I am smiling a lot more. Thinking clearly. God, it’s so good to feel like maybe all that stuff really is in the past, and I only have good things to look forward to at the moment.

I guess some people, just love the drama. I like it in a movie, or a play. But in my life? Uh uh. No. Not at all. To live it? Nope. I leave those who love it, to live it on their own. I remove myself….

Real life, real truthful, honest life is so much more interesting. Knowing who you are, and what you want is so much more fulfilling than the wondering what is going on, or the creating a situation where no one knows what’s going on. I have extracted myself from that situation.

The sun is out today, bright, beautiful. It is cold but warming. I intend to take a long walk today, hopefully I’ll find a friend to go with me. Life is also bright and beautiful at the moment.

In the words of Rumi…

You have seen my descent

You Cannot –

Posted on by learning to live like water

This is a poem from one of my favorite blogs, No Talent for Certainty, written by Owen, “Beleaguered” Servant. I think he’s on to something!

Beleaguered Servant's avatarNo Talent for Certainty

You cannot bring the dream alive
By dreaming it again

You cannot change the past
Into the things it might have been

You cannot oust reality
For phantasms instead

You cannot live life looking back
When there’s still life
Ahead

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