Too Old??

Posted on by learning to live like water

love heals

I’m getting too old for this.  Really…..

Too old to go to work at 8:15 every day, and and get home at 7 PM.  I’m so exhausted when I get home.  Thankfully, I usually think ahead and have some decent food left over in the fridge from the weekend.  Grateful for that.

I had a glass of wine while it heated up tonight. It tasted good. I just wanted to get in the fast lane to get to the slow lane. It worked, lol.

I’m too old for the energetic thing too. It’s over, whatever it was. I’ve been through it 100 times. Even the main sign that was plaguing me since Monday has disappeared. Thankfully. It was so weird. But I followed my instincts to get rid of it, and I did. I know this is cryptic, and I apologize. Just trust me, it was weird. But I also knew where it was coming from.

It seems that the only way to deal with that kind of energetic spike is with unconditional love. I’m calling it spike because it’s not really an attack, though that sounds more dramatic. It’s just a matter of feeling someone else’s energy, their emotions, or just feeling like they are trying on some level to make contact with you. To get your energy focused on them. In this case, I don’t want the contact. I know what will happen, I know it will cord me to this person yet again and that’s not something that I want to have happen.

When we were talking, I would just call him, or text him and find out what was going on. It’s easier to deal with, but then, if we were talking he already had my energy focused on him, and was just strengthening it.

I’ve been angry, upset, tried to ignore it. Nothing works, except the things I did today. I sent reiki this morning. I recited the Ho-oponopono (I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you) and the Meditation I put up in an earlier post. Plus, I’ve been praying for him, for his happiness, and his health.

It’s the unconditional love, present in all of those things, that can turn the negative energy around, and send it back to do some good. The good thing is, you heal yourself when you do any of it. You are the conduit, so the positive energy comes from the universe and passes through you, as it goes wherever you send it.

Tonight I’m free of it, until the next time, lol.

I made plans to go out with a friend tomorrow after work. A nice local place, with a band. Older crowd. Decent food, small. We want to meet some local men, lol. We’ll have fun, we always do.

Less than a week til I go until Florida! Yay! I have a lot to do this weekend in preparation to be gone for a week.

Maybe I’m not so old as I felt when I got home tonight.

Gonna get a good night’s sleep tonight, see if I can wake up laughing again.

Love and light all.

 

Relief 

Posted on by learning to live like water

Well ok. I sent this person reiki. I did the ho’oponopono. I did the meditation for loving kindness.  I’ve also been doings what Marianne Williamson said to do, praying for him 5 minutes a day. Just for his health and happiness.  

It all helped. I am not feeling the energy so intensely now. Thank God. 

It all has to be turned back with love and light. Hate and anger just don’t work. And so, that’s what I did and it’s working. It doesn’t work permanently usually but at least it’s a reprieve. I can go in about my business unfettered by concerns that are not mine. 

Relief. 😊

Energetic Discomfort This Morning

Posted on by learning to live like water

 

energy cordsI am feeling an attempt to energetically cord me again this morning, despite my deleting the song, despite my determination to stay on the road I’m on.  It’s irritating.

I find myself feeling negative emotions for no reason.  Unsettledness in my solar plexus and sacral chakras, which is always where I feel it.  I am determined to send it back where it came from.

I’m not sure it’s intentional.  It’s probably not. In fact, I doubt the sender is even cognizant of the fact that it’s being sent. But it doesn’t matter, it’s here this morning, and it disrupted my sleep last night.  Time to do reiki, I think.  Time to do a gratitude meditation. Time to cut the cords, once more. Time to make space for the positive emotions to take over and crowd this crap out.

I have no idea what’s happening at the source of this energetic cord.  Nor do I want to know.  I think the whole point of it is to encourage me to find out.  But I don’t want to know.  It’s of no purpose, it brings nothing to my life but magnification of negativity that manages to stretch across the miles to me.

I hold no grudge about it, I have no anger. I wish no ill on this person.  I wish for them all good things.  I understand that the person at the other end of this energetic cord that is trying to wrap around me is doing the best they can from the level of consciousness.  I forgive, because of that.  I am done with that chapter of my life.  I just want to be left alone by this person, on every level.

So much nicer to have my son’s laughing energy when I wake up.  I’m going to get back to that place, and send this energy on it’s way, back to the source, out to the Universe to atone for everyone’s highest good.

Love and light, everyone.

Don’t Hide

Posted on by learning to live like water

Don't hide your scars

I’m too tired to write tonight.  I was up late with book club last night, and worked a long busy day. But I found this, and thought, yes, it’s a good thought to share tonight.  We all have them, wounds and stitched up places.  Don’t hide them, don’t be embarrassed.  They make you more beautiful.  Those are the things that make you glow, because they let the light in.

No Longer “comfortably numb”. Ever. 😀

Posted on by learning to live like water

I have resolved the issue of Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd playing at will on my iPhone even though I removed it from my playlists. 

You may recall, (or may not!) that this song I bought last summer when S disappeared for  4 days. He said because his mother died. I said maybe, but he could have maybe told me? But then I think B was with him, and he couldn’t be bothered with me. He says she wasn’t, but then, he lies.  If she wasn’t it makes him an even bigger ass, to ignore frantic messages and texts and emails.  4 days after he’d just begged me not to break up with him. 

Anyway, he proceeded a month later to tell me I stole the song from him. 😱🤔. Anyway, now it still plays, unwanted, every once in awhile. It shouldn’t, since it’s not in the playlist I use all the time. Since it does though, today I just deleted it from my phone.  Coughed up the $1.29 I paid for it and now it won’t start playing and remind me of that sordid chapter of my life.  It’s too dark, just like he is. Ugh. 

A few other things I’d like to delete too!  Lol. But one by one they are going. 

Life is good. Deleting the crap that no longer serves.

Love and light, all. 

No internet, but I woke up laughing!

Posted on by learning to live like water

My internet went out this morning. An unusual occurrence but whatever. I had a blog written trying to post when it went out.

But just want to say that I woke up laughing today!  I was dreaming about my son when he was small. He did something that just cracked me up, and I was laughing hysterically in the dream and apparently in my sleep!  The sound of my own laughter woke me!  How cool is that!

Damn everyone should wake up laughing. I’ve been in a good mood all morning. Hope the internet goes back on by the time I get home. Probably had something to do with the torrential rain we were having.

Love and light, everyone! And laughter too….

Dating, Continued

Posted on by learning to live like water

nice melons

Okay, the boring guy sent me an email.  He is up at 4 am so goes to bed about 8 or 8:30.  I just don’t think I can do it.  I have such a good life, why spend time with someone who is not in the place I am.  I love life. Not to say he doesn’t but he suffers from what many men this age do.  His world is very limited and he likes it that way.  His big deal is helping his 4th grade grandson with his homework.  Which is all good and admirable, it’s nice.  It’s just not where I am.  I’m too adventurous, too kinky (S’s word to describe me, I’m really not), but way too alternative, aggressive and energetic for him. I seriously think I would freak him out if he got to know me.  I don’t think I’ll answer his next call….I will just send him a message at some point that says I don’t feel a connection, etc.

Been there done that.  I dated a guy last October that seemed fine the first two dates, (a coffee date, and a lunch date) and then we went out to dinner and I couldn’t wait til it was over.  He spent at least an hour of dinner telling me who used to own all the property on the commercial strip the restaurant was on.  50 or 60 years ago.  Seriously, why in the world would I give a shit who owned it half a century ago.  Then when we left he went to put his leftovers in his car and left me to walk to my car alone.  He texted me a bunch the next day telling me what a great time he had.  I was like, What????  say Whattttt???  Thank you for the nice dinner, but I really don’t feel any connection here.

I guess I just have wasted so much time with the wrong men, I can’t stand wasting any more.  Like I said, I have a good life, if they can’t add to it, then c ya….

I haven’t heard from Carlo.  But then Carlo is I think a little odd….I hear from him, then I don’t, then I do.  Long periods in between.  I haven’t figured out what his story is, but actually, if I have to work at that, then c ya…..

I did hear from the 46 yr old, lol.  I told him I was moving and he said, let me know if you need a proper send off, lol.  I would surely go out with him if I was 20 years younger.  He made me laugh, he’s kinda sweet, and nice looking.  He said he’s dated women my age, to let him know if I change my mind.

Maybe I should.  Just for fun.  Probably not, I don’t think I’m that kinky.  LOL. I think all this is just the universe’s way of prepping me for Florida.  🙂

So, I’m home, in my fleece jammies, watching The Voice, with a glass of red wine and some dark chocolate. Not a bad way to end a Monday.  I gotta say work was so sucky today, all I did was put fires out all day, some caused by my boss….but you guys commenting on my last blog had me laughing so hard, I didn’t even notice how stressful it kind of got.

So thank you, lol.  You all saved me today!