Last night Dan and I went to dinner with a couple of my oldest friends in town. Their daughter’s birthday is the same as my son, the same age. We met when the kids were 2 and have always been friends ever since. Her husband grew up on Martha’s Vineyard and once when we were there on our boat, they met us and drove us all around the island. It was fun. There is a long history there, and it’s comforting to make the effort to keep it up.  I think Dan was happy though, when I told him he doesn’t have to meet anyone else.

Today I took Dan to one of my favorite places on the water, a state park that used to be the estate of a family who made their fortune from Standard Oil. It’s now a 230 acre park, with a beach, a mansion that can be rented out, park-like grounds, a beach, a small amphitheater. It’s one of my favorite places. We brought a sandwich and had a little picnic, and walked the grounds for awhile. It was a really lovely day, kind of a day off from all the craziness we’ve been dealing with.

When we got home, my friends had a feast prepared for us. It was unbelievable. BBQ ribs (3 racks), 5 lobsters, homemade cornbread, salad, corn on the cob. It was incredible!!!! Holy cow. And peach pie for dessert. Stuffed, and happy.

We’re down to dealing with the cars now, and that’s it. So I will get done what I can, with the help of Dan and my friend here, and finish up in the next few days. I have some stuff I want to mail to my son that was actually his that his father had. Just odds and ends now, except for the cars. But I can’t do too much with them. They are the conservator’s problem, but I want to make sure she gets for the what they are worth. Hopefully, the money will quickly revert to me.

I’m tired but relaxed tonight. Tomorrow I’m going to my old workplace and see the folks I used to work with, and then go to lunch with my friend from there who retired just before me. Tomorrow night our old book club is gonna get together for dinner. That will be fun.

So it’s been a good couple days. Feeling happy and blessed.

Love and light.

We had dinner at my sister-in-law’s house last night. I can’t seem to put ex in front of sister-in-law. I guess when they are your in-laws for over 30 years, that’s who they are.

It was really good to see her, to be honest, and to kind of reconnect. My niece who had cancer, and I hope that’s the correct tense, “had” as in past, was there with her boyfriend. She is the sweetest kid ever. And she’s doing so well, you would never know by looking at her that she just underwent major surgery 3 weeks ago. So we caught up with them for a few hours, and it was very pleasant. They are happy for me about Dan, and he thought they were nice people. I guess he’s relieved, maybe, that they weren’t crazy, but just pretty normal folks, with a tight family. One of the other daughters who lives in Australia called while I was there and I got to check in with her too.

One of the reasons I really wanted to see her and kind of reconnect was for my son. His family is so limited, and I want him to feel like he has extended family. He called while I was there and said hi. I wish he had some siblings, but since he doesn’t it’s been important to me that he stay connected with other parts of his family. I don’t know how much this will help, but I hope it does.

It’s a rainy morning here in CT. The conservator found my ex’s Lincoln. He had driven it somewhere and parked it and gone to the police station, where they realized he was delusional and took him to the hospital. We didn’t know what had happened to the car. This morning I am going to meet her at the place where it was towed with the keys, which I got from the hospital the other day. I don’t know what we’re going to do with the car, but I would guess put it with the others. This one we have the title to, and so can sell it. The conservator will have to get about getting the titles from DMV for the other two cars.

Tonight we are having dinner with a couple other old friends, and that will be the end of our visiting thing, except my old book club in going to meet for dinner on Monday night. It’s been exhausting but I really didn’t want to miss seeing anyone. Dan has been such a trooper, hanging here in a strange town, meeting a ton of people who I know really well. It totally amazes me what he’s willing to do for me.

I’ll really be glad when I’m done with this stuff for my ex. I am sick of having it put front and center in my life every day. Quite ready to return completely to my present life. I’m lucky though, that I was able to intersperse it all with seeing my close friends. That part of the trip has been awesome.

Love and light to all.

This morning I was trying to catch up on the Oprah-Deepak 21 day meditation. I am behind, understandably I guess. This morning is Day 18 of it, but I am back on Day 14. Day 14 is about gratitude.

For some reason this thought, this reminder from them, kind of choked me up. While going through my ex’s old things, which are half mine, yesterday, I found myself slightly triggered. Seeing pieces of a life that should have turned out differently. Triggered a little PTSD, some sadness. Some wonder about why things turned out this way for him. Even though, I do believe that this was his journey. He had lessons to learn, as do we all. Whether or not he’s learned them, well….from my perspective, probably not. But it’s not my perspective that matters, is it? I don’t know what lessons are to be learned from mental illness, but maybe there are some. Personally, it seems like a battle with reality, a refusal to accept and learn whatever lessons he’s agreed to learn in this lifetime. I guess I’ll never know.

But I do know, that the reason the idea of personal gratitude chokes me up, is because I am so grateful for the way my life has turned out. Just so grateful for so much. Grateful that I got out of that marriage before his complete descent into mental illness, before there was nothing left of all we had accumulated, for fair judges. For my son’s ability to walk away from his father. I am so grateful I was able to move to FL, to have found my house in the perfect community not far from my sister.

I am so glad I have been able to let go of a toxic relationship that kept me down, and uncertain, and generally unhappy. I’m not sure what it was that kept me coming back. Maybe a hope I had, which is what Dan has said. That maybe I thought that if I loved him enough he’d finally love me back. I don’t think, personally, that he was capable of loving anyone, because he doesn’t love himself, and only looks to women to validate his life. Not to share life, or care for them, but to boost his ego.

I look at how Dan cared for me yesterday, at that storage bin, faced with all these pieces of an old life. How his concern was not for how uncomfortable he was, which was considerable, but for how hard this was for me. I told him, had he not been there, I probably would have opened that overhead door, stared at the contents and shut the door. It’s amazing, how wonderful it is to actually share love with someone. Love that is easy, happy, contented. He’s a blessing in my life, and someone for whom I am truly grateful.

Anyway, gratitude is on my mind this morning. We have to go get my ex’s keys this morning, which in itself is creepy. Going to the hospital, and to the floor he is on. If the key to his Buick Grand National is there, we will try to start the car. My ex has removed the back seat, and the headliner in the car. I have no idea why, but maybe he thought he was going to restore it. Maybe? Or maybe there was a delusion that there was something hidden in it. I’ll never know. That car was originally, purportedly, bought because I needed a car. But it became his baby, and I wasn’t even allowed to drive it. It was a limited edition car, and the fastest car built in America when we bought it. But it was a manipulation by him, it was never my car.

I will try to remember that this was my old life, and not my life now. I will try to remember all the wonderful things I have going on now, and the friends that embrace me. I will try to continue to put the men who have hurt me in the past. I will continue to love the man who loves me.

Love and light.

I’m tired tonight. Maybe the day wore me out.

We got into the storage bin. Everything we’ve done in regard to dealing with my ex’s crap has happened easily. The storage bin was no different. Pay the fees, and take the lock off the door. We opened the door on what was left of my old life. Our dinghy and the 30 hp motor. The Wet Bike, which is kind of like a motorcycle for the water. The generator we bought after Hurricane Gloria in to run the house. We’d been out of power for a week, and decided that was not something we wanted to do again. My son’s hockey helmet, which he wants me to ship to him. Junk. Lots of junk. Boat cushions for a boat that he lost for storage fees. Bumpers. Leaf blowers and hedge trimmers. Clothes. We brought more clothes, from the cottage. I don’t think he ever threw anything out. Knick knacks that are partly mine.

Thank God, once again, for Dan. He climbed in where I couldn’t. He got in there, way in the back, looking for anything that might be valuable to me. Furniture, household goods. He got filthy and sweaty, and he did it for me. This was harder than the smelly dirty cottage, for me.

Dan knew it. We didn’t stay too long, a couple hours. He said, “I think you probably have some PTSD with that stuff.” He knows. He sees me. He reads me He cares. It’s awesome. It’s a blessing. Not sure I could do this without him beside me.

Tomorrow we can go to the hospital and get the set of keys he came into the hospital with. I asked the social worker if he’d see me. She said, “No, he’s way in the back.” I said, “Ok, good. I’d prefer to remain dead to him.”

So, it’s been a little hard today. But we got home, and my friends made this awesome dinner of chicken and beef kabobs on the grill, with fresh picked corn on the cob and a salad I made with fresh veggies I picked up at a farm stand on the way home. So all’s well, I’m dealing. I’m just exhausted tonight.

After this, I think it will be easier. In the meantime, we are taking a river boat ride to the town of Essex tomorrow and having dinner at a 300 year old in. One of the few things that Benedict Arnold didn’t burn down in the town, I think. That will be fun.

Love and light to all.

Things are moving along after a few days off. We’re gaining access to his storage unit today. The hospital has a set of keys my ex came into the hospital with, and the conservator gave me permission to take possession of. Hopefully there will be a key to the car which is at the cottage on it, so we can determine the condition of the car. So we’re moving along with the tasks we need to do.

We went out with an old girlfriend last night for dinner at a cute little spot on the Connecticut River that she and I used to frequent for the live music they have on the weekends. They were having an open mic night last night, so it was crowded inside where they were playing. We chose to sit outside because it was a beautiful clear, dry night. This is the friend who came to Florida to see me this past March. It was really good to see her and catch up. She thought Dan and I were a good match for each other too.

We also went to see my ex’s cousin who I’ve always been close to. She’s a little crazy as ever, but she’s a loving soul. It was good to catch up with her too.

I think I have to go to a funeral this weekend. The man who was principal of the highschool died at 60 years old of a massive heart attack while on a family vacation. His wife was a good friend of mine, so I feel like I should go. I feel so bad for her. He was retiring, and they’d just moved to a new house down by the shore. Just so sad. Their two sons are a year older and a year younger than my son, so I’ve known them their whole lives.

I’m not taking a lot of time to contemplate all the stuff I’ve had to do, and the way I feel about it. I’m just going through it one thing at a time, and staying focused on the task. I’m sure when I’m done, I’ll be writing a few blogs at least, working out my feelings. But til then, just gonna get the work done, step by step.

Life is good here. It’s awesome to see all my old peeps and hang with them. It’s been beautiful weather, and best of all, I haven’t had to do this all alone. The Universe has been working in my behalf.

Love and light to all.

It’s been a couple of nice days. I’ve not been able to get into the storage box my ex has, because the atty is waiting for them to call back, so she can pay the past due fees. So we’ve had the day off for a couple of days.

Yesterday we went out in my friend’s boat, on the Connecticut River. It was a beautiful day, about 80° and dry, clear blue sky and very dry. We went down to the mouth of the river, just for me so I could see my old cruising grounds of Long Island Sound. We anchoredd in front of Katherine Hepburn’s house and had lunch. It was so nice to be in a boat again. Just felt so good. I was able to show Dan where the Race was, and Plum Island, (where they sent Hannibal Lector in the movie Silence of the Lambs), Long Island. The water was calm, with just a slight breeze. It was lovely.

Today we got breakfast at a little breakfast diner up the road, and then I took Dan to New London. I wanted him to see the club where the slip I owned was, and the whole area. It’s an old whaling town, and is kinda cool. We ate lunch at an outdoor place on the water nearby, fish and chips, clam fritters. Mmmm. It was fun.

I also stopped at the place where I buy all my stones and jewelry making supplies, and I spent $160. Yikes. Had to get out of there, lol. But it was fun to be back there and see all the amazing stuff they have.

Now we’re back at my friends. We’re waiting for a pizza to be delivered, and just sitting around talking. Our friends had to work today and will tomorrow also.

I’m really enjoying visiting and hanging out on my old stomping grounds and including Dan in all of it. It’s amazing how well we get along, and how well he gets along with all my friends. I really have been blessed to have him in my life.

Love and light, to everyone.

This job is getting old, lol. Yesterday we finished the sorting and marking of his stuff. So, the biggest part of that portion of the job is completed. I found more notes that he made by his computer and they were CREEPY. A numbered list of stuff, thaat he thought happened to my son and I. Really some of it disgusting. I was freaking out a little, and then I looked up and saw Dan, and just threw the stuff away, realizing it’s the rantings of a crazy man, and not my life. I was so grateful, again, that he was there.

I heard from the conservator, and we will resume dealing with this mess tomorrow.

We stopped at the grocery store and picked up things to make dinner for my friends. We made our mango chicken, with rice and a salad. It came out really good, and they appreciated the effort. Today they are taking us out in their boat on the Connecticut river. I’m pretty excited about that! It’s the first time I’ve been in a boat since I was out with them on July 4^th last year.

Last night after we ate we sat around talking, telling stories, having a smoke. It was so funny, we laughed so much. It made me think of when I first met Dan and we were getting to know each other. He learned of my history with men, and said he couldn’t believe I wasn’t jaded toward all men. I said to him, “I’m not because I know good men. My father was a good man. My friends are married to good men. I knew they were out there.” And I finally had one cross my path.

Off to spend a relaxing day with my friends and my man. Thanks for reading. Love and light.

The first day dealiing with the ex’s mess was as productive as it could have been. We got all the paperwork we needed from the conservator, and headed for the cottage he lived in.

What a mess. Filthy, moldy, and messy. Odd that he had a desktop computer that was less than a year old. Found notes by it, with FBI written on them (he thought he worked for the FBI and that my old house was the headquarters. O.o) It overwhelmed me at first, and Dan just got to work disconnecting and carefully wrapping it all up. We began to just sort, what was valuable and worth saving, what needed to be thrown out. We had to leave and go get some cleaning fluids, and paper towels, and toilet paper. Ugh.

We found keys to one of the cars, but nothing is in good shape. We will probably finish up there on Monday, and then try to get into his storage unit.

We left about 2 yesterday, and then I went to my bff’s house where she was having Ladies Day at her pool/deck. I got there about 3. My bff I’m staying with (I have more than one, lol) was there and a bunch of my other friends. It was good to see them all. At about 5:30 Dan and Joe (my friend’s husband that we’re staying with) came over and one other girl’s husbands, and we ordered pizza and wings and hung out there til dark. It was so good. Soothing for the soul. That’s something we used to do with some regularity.

It’s nice to instersperce the unpleasant job with seeing people I’ve known my lifetime. I’m so happy that everyone likes Dan. Like one said, he’s social, he’s funny, he’s good looking….he’s NORMAL!”

Today is cloudy and cool, a good day to go over there and get a lot done. In a few days we’ll be done there, and I won’t ever have to go back again. That alone is a relaxing thought.

Love and light to all.

I’m here! The flights were good, although the second one was late for no apparent reason. We boarded the connecting flight in Ft. Lauderdale and sat on the tarmac for about 20 min to a half hour. But alls well that ends well.

My girlfriend picked us up, and it was like I never left. We chatted away the 40 minute ride to her house. The last two nights I was in CT I stayed at her house and now its where I returned to. I love it, I know where her silverware and coffee cups are.

She had a great dinner for us, and my other best friend and her hubby. They all really seemed to love Dan. My girlfriends told me, when the three of us were alone, “He’s a KEEPER Deb! He’s so handsome and he’s so nice!” It was awesome. He was brought right into the circle. My friends were so happy to see me so happy.

Last night I said, “What could be better than to be with my BFFs and Dan?” I had a good life here, despite my ex. And I have a good life in FL. And now they are seamlessly meshed together.

We laughed and laughed for hours. My stomach literally hurts from it.

My other friend who came to dinner is having a girls day at her house on her deck and by her pool. I told her I have to get over to my ex’s cottage today and start going through stuff, but I’m going to go a little later, because a lot of my other friends will be there.

I talked to the atty, who is going to give me all the documentation to give to my ex’s landlord, so I can get in the cottage. I kind of plan to use the day today to assess what needs to be done, and get together the things I need. I can start sorting his stuff into what will be thrown out and what will be kept.

It’s all good. I have no trepidation about going over there, mostly because Dan will be with me. He’s so much support, thoughtful, and he loves me. That this man’s path crossed paths mine when it did.

Time to get moving. Love and light.