Not An Effortless Morning

Posted on by learning to live like water

Writing can be difficult. At times. At others, the words flow onto the page effortlessly. We all know this. I love the effortless times. I think it’s probably when my work is at it’s best, when nothing blocks the flow from my heart to my head to the page. Those are usually the poetry days.

This morning is not one of those effortless times. I had a difficult sleep last night, though I was exhausted. I finally got up and wrote 3 different posts, trying to clear my head. It worked somewhat. I fell asleep after. I got up this morning and re-read what I’d written with my eyes closed last night. Two of them got filed in “Unpublished”. One got discarded, the last one, when I finally became too tired to make any sense at all.

I had a wonderful time last night. And I talked to L, no matter very briefly. A friend called me just as I went to bed to tell me the evening was live-streamed on FB. I told her I’d look in the morning, but I couldn’t find it this morning.

The girls are coming over Sunday to read my friends play. I only have to provide some guacamole, lol, and a place to sit.

My sister is coming this morning with her step-daughter. I have a fundraiser tonight at a restaurant in St. Pete. I’m almost out of half and half for my coffee, so I need to get some at some point today or I will be really upset tomorrow morning, lol.

I want to talk to L. More. I think I will call him this morning. Because when he calls I will be with my sister or at the fundraiser and I want to be able to talk, privately. No distractions.

If I’m honest, which I try to be even though it’s uncomfortable at times, I will admit that the nameless one interjected himself too, in my thoughts. I wish I could say that I only remembered the good things, but with him, every good thing had two or three bad ones, and I just wonder why the hell I held on so long. Then I get into the connection that can’t be broken, or whatever it is, and know I have to find a way to ignore it, if I want to fully move on. He is still blocked, and apparently has not figured out how to find my phone number, or just didn’t/doesn’t bother, because there are no blocked voice mails. That’s a good thing, really. Blocking him is my way of trying to break a connection that seems to have a life of its own, but has, in the end, never brought me anything but heartache and sadness, and I just want to move away from it.

I know at some point with L, if it proceeds as I expect it to, we will discuss the nameless one, and what will I say? I loved him, it was misplaced, but I did, and now I don’t? How will I explain the repetition over and over? Can I tell the story without too much detail? I will try. I suppose a lot of it would be TMI for L anyway. He will just want to know that I am past it. That’s what I want to know too, lol.

My ex is much easier for me to deal with. I was out of love, fully and finally, when I left the marriage. There are no left-over emotions, and certainly not a connection that continues despite the time and distance.

All this stuff was in my head last night. I suppose I was stimulated, so had a difficult time just settling off to sleep. I hopped from one thought to the other. I changed the meditation music I always play. I read, I wrote. I’m tired today, and I have a busy day.

Funny as I started writing this, I couldn’t put two coherent thoughts together, and now that I have written down all my incoherent thoughts, I feel much better, lol. I actually thought I should maybe stop writing for a week, and see what happened. But I love to write, and it keeps me sane, and I’m committed to it. So here I am sharing my sometimes stupid, sometimes profound, very ordinary thoughts again. My sister apologized for not reading my blog, and I said, “you don’t have to read it, it’s really boring for the most part.” Because it is, these blogs about my life where I’m just trying to glean some lesson from my experiences. Sometimes my poetry is worth reading I think. I get a lot more views when I write a haiku or a poem than when I do this….an essay on why I couldn’t sleep, lol.

But I’m grateful for all of you who do read it, and comment. It gives me a wider perspective, and often more profound insight. In the end, I feel blessed, always. For all of it.

Love and light to everyone.

A Fun Time Was Had By All

Posted on by learning to live like water

Busy busy day, and tomorrow too!

My sis and brother-in-law were here for lunch. When they left I ran up the the Veterans Art Center Gallery to drop off raffle tickets and talk to my good friend who was up there. They were setting up a reception for a Swiss company that does marketing and I met the nicest young woman from Switzerland who was setting it up. I could have gone to the reception, but honestly, I didn’t want to miss open mic night, lol, so I went to open mic night.

Which was so much fun. You never know what you’re going to get. Many of the people are the same every week, the locals that just go every week. But especially now you get some tourists who just want to sing, and they may borrow someone’s guitar and go up and perform. Tonight we had a sister act. One sister was a blues singer/songwriter, and the other did stand-up comedy. They did the greatest spur-of-the-moment act, taking suggestions from the audience and turning them into songs. It was so funny and SO creative!

It’s always fun, and the fun builds as the evening goes on.

L called me just as it was crescendoing. He asked if it was a bad time, and I said, “Well…I’m at open mic and the music is just about to start again, and I’m in front, and it’s two of my best friends about to sing.” I asked if I could call him back in about a half hour, but he said he was really tired, and trying to get to bed early. So, I didn’t really get to talk to him, but he said he’d call tomorrow.

We had a hard time connecting by phone the first time we talked, just he or I was busy doing something for a few days, it was a case of telephone tag. Same thing now, he and I are both busy with our own lives. I will be much more free after this week. I had a couple functions for the Veterans Art Center, and open mic, and now my friends are coming over Sunday again. But I’m free after that. I’m not planning anything really for next weekend, because I’m having oral surgery Thursday.

I just hope we can get together, I’d really like to see him again. Thinking I might invite him here, and make dinner for him. Might be nice. Kind of take the pressure off. We’ll see, when I talk to him, finally.

My sis is coming back here tomorrow with her step-daughter to show her my house and the town. That will be fun, but I need to get to the grocery store, lol, and get some food, so I better be ready to get out of the house pretty early.

Which means I should get myself to bed now. I love feeling like I have a life, and maybe a guy in it. Feeling blessed.

Love and light, all.

Living the Good Life

Posted on by learning to live like water

It stopped raining late yesterday. The wind died down, and there was an incredibly beautiful sunset last night of pinks and rose gold just glowing in the sky. Of course, I was in the car, so couldn’t get a picture of it. But I did get to see it, which is what’s important. In true Florida fashion, it is going to be around 80° and sunny and 0% chance of rain for the next week. I think winter is really about over here, lol. My kind of winter!

Last night we were supposed to have a fundraiser for the Veterans Art Center. It was targeted, meaning, it was a reception for those who decide about non-profit donations for Humana Insurance. It was attended by Grammy nominated B. Taylor who is the Global Ambassador of Music and Entertainment for the U.S. Military, Veterans, First Responders and their families.

However, the Humana people bailed at the last minute. I’m not sure of their reason. However, we didn’t know, so my friend who is curator of the gallery and I went, and we were able to meet and talk with B. Taylor one on one for about 20 minutes to a half hour. Luckily B had a number of other functions to attend, not the least of which was a meeting earlier in the day with Congressman , Gus Bilirackis who is Vice-Chairman, House Committee on Veterans’ Affairs. Apparently our project, the Veterans Art Center, is considered a prototype project and will be studied for grant funding by this committee.

I actually was a little selfishly glad that the Humana people didn’t show, lol, because I was able to actually get to know this man a little. His enthusiasm, combined with his commitment and his ability to articulate is amazing. This morning I listened to his Grammy nominated song from 2012, and even though hip-hop and rap are not my thing, I actually liked this. It has a message, about 1 life, which is a movement which I believe he founded, and aligns perfectly with the mission of the Veterans Art Center.

My sister and brother-in-law are coming here today. They have to pick up my brother-in-law’s daughter at the Tampa airport, so are coming here for lunch first. We’ll go to their favorite restaurant for lunch. Looking forward to that! Then I have open mic night tonight, which is always fun. My friends and I will plan when we’ll get together to read through our friends play, while we are enjoying the evening.

I heard from L yesterday, he called. It was nice to actually talk to him. He didn’t have a lot of time, and wanted to call back last night but I had the fundraiser so he said he’d probably wait and call today because he was still exhausted from his travels, lol, and was going to bed early. I think when he calls we’ll be making some plans. I’m looking forward to that.

I’m happy to have good things to focus on. Things that are immediate in my life. Not so much the political stuff lately. That still bothers me, but it’s good to step away from it for awhile and see that life still goes on, and it’s still rich and full.

Love and light, everyone.

Ascension

Posted on by learning to live like water

fiery-mountain-top

Your arms surround me
Melting me into some soft butterscotch
Your hand touched
The silver and gold flecked sheath
of my skin and made me glitter, and glow.
I turned to find your rich deep velvet
Eyes watching
Me, as I writhed.
Our ecstatic energy combined
And surged to a fiery summit.
We slid, wound in each other’s froth,
Down the slope
Until we stopped.
Pulled apart by circumstance
By forces beyond our control
We continued on alone.
But we will always know each other,
Through ancient lifetimes, and future.
If I find you again, I’ll know you.
And once more, we’ll ascend the mountain
And jump into the fire
To know a moment’s grace.

Damn Palmetto Bugs, Again (And Other Stuff)

Posted on by learning to live like water

It’s raining in paradise today. It’s supposed to rain til late this afternoon. It’s a nice change, lol. Tomorrow back to sunny and warm.

First thing this morning with one eye open, still in my nightgown, I had an encounter with a Palmetto bug in my kitchen sink. He was in the drain, and seems they don’t climb to well on stainless steel that’s curved, so couldn’t get out. They still give me the creepy crawlies, but don’t freak me out the way they did at first. I got the borax powder out and made a direct hit on him. He tried harder to get out but to no avail. So I left him be for a moment while I collected myself. I had to rinse out the coffee pot and grounds basket, and he wasn’t liking the water but couldn’t climb out. I guess he probably couldn’t fly straight up like a helicopter either, which was a good thing. I never want to see one flying. So I made the coffee and then got my Home Defense bug spray (which it says can be used indoors and outdoors) and sprayed him with that. Finally he somehow got flipped on his back, which seems to be the death of them, they can’t turn over. And seemed to die there, but I’m taking no chances.

I had to go get bloodwork done at 8:15, so I got dressed, put on my make-up, and checked on him again. He was still motionless in the sink drain. Good. I poured a little water on him though and it seemed his antenna moved, so I left him alone and figured I’ll get him out of the drain sometime this morning. I’m terrified that once I try to move him he’ll suddenly revive and start crawling away. So I’m leaving him on his back for a while.

This is how my day started.

I got to the dr on time for the bloodwork. When I made the appointment she asked me did I want 8:15 or 8:30. I said the earlier one because it’s fasting bloodwork, and I want to get my coffee as soon as I can. So, I got there on time, but they didn’t take me for 20 or 25 minutes, so what was the point of asking me if I wanted an 8:15 appointment. It was way too early for them to be behind already. But I just bit my tongue and said nothing, because you know, this girl is coming at me with a big needle about to suck some blood out of me….I don’t want to piss her off.

When I walked out of the door to get to my car to go to the dr, I saw that I’d had a package delivered from Amazon. Amazon Prime, stuff that I ordered a week ago. I don’t know what happened to the 2 day shipping on it. Whoever delivered it put it on the edge of my porch (is it a porch or just a covered entry? It’s small.) so the box got soaked. It was the rest of the lights for my banyan tree in my back yard, so I’m happy about that, that I can get my tree done when it stops raining. Good thing they are outdoor lights, since the box was soaked through.

Now I’m home, having my coffee, about to make another cup and go check on the damn Palmetto bug again. My Ikea kitchen, instead of having a cabinet under the sink, has a big drawer, for garbage, cleaning items, etc. I pulled it out last night and squirted the borax powder in there. I think the damn bugs are coming in from that side, since its against an outer wall of the house. You think your house is bug proof but everyone gets these things, everyone down here. It seems like they’d need a visible hole to get in through but apparently not. IDK. I am gonna go back with the Home Defense spray today.

Once I get the dead bug safely out of the drain.

I am supposed to go to a meet and greet thing for the Veterans Art Center tonight. I suppose I will, they are asking everyone to go, and I’m on the board so I should. It’s only for an hour or two. Some moneyed people are coming from whom they are hoping for a large donation. So I’ll go and try to sound intelligent, which I am able to do when it’s called for, lol.

Other than that, I think I’ll spend the day making jewelry. I have a necklace I’m making for the Vets Art Center silent auction, which I think is Friday night. So if I could finish it and take it over that would be good.

I hope the way this day began is no indication of the way it will go. Unwanted creepy things showing up, lol. Having blood sucked out of me, lol. Ok not sucked, but you know, it kinda felt like it today. Maybe I should go back to bed and start again lol, once the bug is disposed of.

Love and light, all.

The End of the Day Was As Good as the Start

Posted on by learning to live like water

It was a busy interesting day. After the dolphins, I came home and got ready to go to therapy for my back and neck. Afterward I went to Michaels and got some jewelry supplies. Easily spent $50. But it was all basics that I needed. Then I tried to drop off my Homestead Act Application but they were so busy, I decided to try another day. Or just do it online. I went to my dr’s office since they were next door, and made an appointment for tomorrow to get labs done and see the dr in a couple of weeks.

I got home, and packed up the cookies for my son. Then I planted the herbs I bought over the weekend. I finally sat down on the deck with a book, and began to read, listening to music. It was almost surreal. Me and the squirrels and the geckos.

Ran into a few demons out in that beautiful warm afternoon, but the universe conspired to rid me of them. Gratefully. I love it when that happens.

I am now having a text conversation with L, he is home, and he’s exhausted but said we will have to get together soon. That’s put a smile on my face, and I think is a direct result of chasing the demons away.

So the day ends as lovely as it started. Life is good.

Love and light.