The Best is Yet to Come

The sun poured into my bedroom window like spun gold this morning. It was filtered only by the sheer white curtain that hangs like a flouncy skirt onto the floor. It was 6:15. I woke earlier, at 5:30 and thought, no, I don’t want to get up this early, and the next time I looked it was 6:15.

When the sun is like that, pouring through the windows on the south side of the house, I am excited to get up, and watch the day unfold. I am only sorry it isn’t warm enough to sit outside, and listen to the birds, and feel the gentle spring breeze on my cheek.

I did a meditation this morning by Tara Brach on Open Awareness. She does wonderful guided meditations. https://www.tarabrach.com/guided-meditations/

At the beginning, as she guides you into physical body relaxation, she asks you “What is it your heart really wants?”

My answer was swift, required no thought. “To love and be loved.” That’s all.

The meditation sought to bring us to a place of only awareness, not thought. Using words from the Buddhist monk Tilopa from 1000 or so years ago:

Let go of what has passed.
Let go of what may come.
Let go of what is happening now.
Don’t try to figure anything out.
Don’t try to make anything happen.
Relax, right now, and rest.

It was a nice way to begin the day. Peaceful, no angst today. Or at least, not right now. (she smiles, lol)

My son and I are going out for BBQ today. It’s a delayed birthday dinner. Then we’re stopping at Sam’s club, for a few things. It is a lovely spring day.

I have not buried the St. Joseph statue that my friends Peter and Linda gave me in my front yard yet. I think I’ll do it this morning. I’ve not had a nibble all weekend on the house. Even though I’m not really worried about it, I still think I will give it whatever added boost the statue can give it.

And believe. Just believe it will happen. Just trust that the universe will bring the right buyers to my house at the right time.

Feeling peaceful and calm this morning. Trusting my intuition to guide the path of my life to follow my heart’s desire, to find my heart’s desire. I am beginning to trust myself again. It’s a good feeling. I’m not sure if that isn’t the greatest trauma of being betrayed on such a grand scale, the loss of our ability to trust ourselves. A good lesson was learned about love and trust.

I still believe love never dies. I think I’ll always love the people I loved. It’s just that I see them through unfiltered glasses now, in all their imperfection. What’s done is done, what’s over is over. In the words of Van Morrison in Someone Like You:

But just lately I have realized
The best is yet to come.

I hope that’s true until my last breath.

Advertisements

Morning Stars and Hurricanes

Hard time waking up this morning.  I was in such a deep sleep.  I don’t use an alarm, and woke at my regular time, around 5:15 AM, or 5:30, but I kept dozing off for minutes, again, and I slept well, and 7 hours.  It’s as if the many nights I have slept badly are all trying to get undone.  There was a text from S, about 10 minutes after I shut off the light next to my bed, that I didn’t even hear the alert for.  Dead to the world.

When I finally crawled out of bed, shaking the cobwebs from my head, and wandered into the kitchen, it was very dark, darker than normal, because it’s a rainy dank week, and very cloudy.  But the skies must have cleared for a moment in just the spot where the last morning star this time of year shines.  I looked out my kitchen window, as I made coffee and saw it shining, like a beacon, like a gift.  One beautiful star…..It was gone again moments later,covered over again by clouds.

A little gift from the universe.  As was finding the text from S when I woke up.  As are a lot of things I often don’t bother to be grateful for.

We’re supposed to get Hurricane Joaquin Sunday night and Monday.  It’s now a Cat 3 storm.  Not likely at all that it will miss us completely.  This weekend will be storm preparations, even today, I’m going to go to the store and stock up on water, and foods that I can prepare in advance of having no power for a few days.  I live about 30 or 40 miles from the coast as the crow flies.  It wont be the worst, but we’ll feel it.  Last tropical storm we had 4 years ago we lost power for 3 days, and that was a short time, many were out a week or more.  UGH.

I’ll keep in mind the morning star….and know that it’s there under the clouds.  And will return, when the storm is over.

Looking for Joy

  

Not a whole lot to say this morning, which is unusual.  Remarkable, some would say.  Just feeling grateful, it’s a cool morning after days of hot weather, Sitting outside watching the sunrise, grateful to be sitting on my deck, to have a deck attached to a house, and a job to go to.  My son is in NYC at a music festival, gone for the weekend, so I have the house to myself.  Going to do a massive cleaning tomorrow, and  hopefully make some plans with someone.

Been thinking a lot about my move to FL next year.  I am already saving listed houses on Zillow, lol.  Think about not having my son around, will love some things about it, hate others.  It’s been just he and I for so long now, we are so close.  I’m sure I will just miss his energy.  I know it’s time for him to fly alone though, so I’m happy he wants to do it.

Looking for some joy today.  I usually find it.