I walked out the door at 6:30 this morning to go to the town dock, about a half a block from my sister’s house to watch the sunrise. I’d only been up a bit, but I could see the sky turning pink over that way, so got dressed, made coffee and off I went.
There was a southeast breeze blowing off the water, and about 65°F, so I was glad I put a light sweater on. Sunrise was supposed to be 6:45, and normally there are 4 or 5 people there already by 15 minutes before. Neighbors, and as much as I’ve been down here, I know quite a few. However, this morning it was just me.
The pink was already leaving the sky when I got there, but it was still beautiful. I sat on the bench, and closed by eyes, breathing in the balmy salt air breeze, loving the dawn of a new day. (I am such a morning person.) Looking at the boats in the harbor, some on moorings, some anchored out with their dinghies tied to the stern, knowing they were on board, waking up to the rocking of the boat in the gentle waves. I remembered feeling that many many times, and missed it. There’s nothing like waking up on the water, or going to sleep to that same effect either for that matter. I used to sleep better on our boat than anywhere else.
I opened my email, there was an email from B. It was kind, articulate, acknowledging my feelings and relationship with S. I believe she wants to put all the unkindness away, as I do. I would have liked S to be the one to stand up and say what B did, but he’s who he is, this is a way for him to get someone else to say it for him, so he doesn’t have to acknowledge personally what he said, and did that was so untrue. But I’m letting it go. My life is so moving on and away from all of that. I have no pangs of regret for it, but it is so clearly not what I want in my life. I cant imagine being in a relationship with someone like him, never being able to trust him, always having to play detective, always needing to verify everything he told me, and dig out the whole truth. I wish her luck, I really do, because she has so much of her life invested in him. It was a lesson, a rung on the ladder of my evolution, to know him and to love him. And now I continue up the ladder.
So, on the balmy sea breeze, I just let it go. There will probably be more to let go, but it’s all flowing away easily at the moment. I’ve learned what I needed to learn. I’m glad I did what I did in January, to complete that lesson. It was good for me, and caused no pain for me, because I never got reattached. I saw reality. I think too, that in the end, it was good for B too, to see the way he actually is, that he could say one thing to her, making her believe he was in so much pain, and actually running to another woman’s bed instead of dealing with the behavior that broke her heart in to a million pieces. For me, seeing that reality makes it easier to let go. I can only hope when her heart is put back together, it is stronger than it was.
As soon as I was done responding to her, a man came and sat down on the other bench with his cup of coffee, and struck up a conversation. He had an Irish type of brogue, I asked him where he was from (because most people you meet here are not from here, lol.) He was from Thunder Bay Canada. I have met so many Canadian people between last night at the art show and now him. Like maybe 4 or 5 new people, friends of my sis, all from Canada. We talked a bit, about the area, and the mornings, and the sunrise. A very nice man. We walked back down the dock in conversation, and I found out he’s renting the upper floor of the house across the street from my sis’s house. He’s been renting it for 6 or 7 years now in the winter. We joked about why everyone in the world isn’t in Florida for the winter, lol. I said, well I soon hope to be. He asked about winter in CT, and I told him about the 4 ft of snow we got one night 2 years ago, lol. We agreed that the sunrise is a perfect way to start the day.
It was so pleasant, just to have a normal conversation with a man on my own. Kind of like a gift from the Universe, saying see what will happen when you have let all that other stuff flow out of you, and away on the breeze? Feeling so much like this place is exactly where I need to be.
So, I’m posting a couple pics of the sunrise. The one at the top was just before. The one at the bottom is just after. It was just an average, maybe even below average, but still just lovely. Love and light all.