Packing up my world,
bubble-wrapping memories.
A life in boxes.
Will they look the same
When they sit in tropic sun?
Will they make me smile?
I will only take
Things I love that bring me joy.
Downsizing to bliss.
By Deborah E. Dayen
Picture from Google Images
I’m a little anxious this morning. It’s around my son’s move. I suppose, around my move too, if I’m honest. So much to do between now and me sitting on the deck of Avalon with a glass of wine and my family and friends around me.
The drive out west is making me a little nervous. So far to go, in my son’s little car. So many days on the road, 3 ½ at the least. Driving 8 hours a day. IDK. It’s just a wave, I guess. Just a wave of anxiety, of anticipating the separation from this child of mine.
My girlfriends asked me how I was going to do it the other night. And I looked at them and said, “I have no idea. I’m going to be crying the whole way back to Connecticut.” To hug my son goodbye and leave him in a strange place……God I wish he was coming with me instead.
But he’s not. So, I suppose it’s another lesson I need to learn. Non-attachment. How to let him go, and fly. Which I’m doing. I have not objected to his plan, I have encouraged him, I have helped him as much as I can, and will always support him. But God, I will miss him.
Maybe it triggers me back to when I couldn’t communicate with him when he was living with his father. His father bought him a new cell phone, no one would give me the number, they turned off the ringers on the house phones. But even then, I was only a mile away and I could just go knock at the door and beg him to come out and just give me a hug.
Well, now I’ll be able to talk to him. I just won’t be able get a hug. Until he comes to see me. Which he will. He has already told me that a ton of his peeps from here are heading out to see him around Christmas. Which is fine, I’m glad, it’s giving him something to look forward to. He’ll come see me probably in March, when the weather in FL is so perfect and it’s still winter in Denver. I’ll spend Christmas with my sister, which will be wonderful.
I guess I’m just writing this out, trying to make my way through it, and relieve the angst I have for today anyway. I know it will all be wonderful in the end. He will have a new life he loves, I will have a new life I love. We will include each other as we always have.
Connections stretch across miles, and some don’t weaken. I know that the bond he and I have will always be strong, we have just endured too much together, we have grown so much together. I know I am blessed to have this relationship with him. In the end, there’s only love.
Love and light…..
The day was too long.
Her eyelids weighed heavily
On her worn out smile.
So worn out she wrote this at night and didn’t publish it til morning because she fell asleep, lol.
By Deborah E. Bedrick
They are having a retirement party for me at work. It’s like a break in the day, in the lunchroom, usually ice cream cake and cookies. The pres of the company give a little speech, and they usually present you with a gift of some kind. It’s a nice thing to do. They are usually a surprise, but my boss told me his brother, the pres, won’t be here next week, so they want to do it this week.
Then there was a note on my desk, asking where to get the cake and cookies, lol. Because I have either planned or been a big part of the planning of these things up until my own. I definitely appreciate it though, it will be nice.
Then the friend who is going with me to FL is having Paint Nite at her house that night. That will be so much fun. If my painting turns out ok, I’ll put up a picture. It will be another good chance to see more of my friends before I leave.
I guess I just have to not think about what I’m doing, saying goodbye to everyone. Just like, I’m going away for a vacation or something and I’ll be back. Because I’m afraid I’m going to be crying for like a month between now and when I leave. When I think of all the things I’ve gone through with this bunch, how they’ve been there for me, keeping me close, helping keep my head on straight. And loving me even when I didn’t listen to them, because they could see what I preferred to be blind to. When my family fell apart, and I couldn’t see my son, they invited me into their homes for family dinners, and included me, treated me as a family member.
I will miss them, friends of a life time. But I won’t lose them. They’ll come see me, I’ll come up here and see them. We’ll talk on the phone, and FB messenger. We will stay part of each others lives.
I’ll see more of the friends I grew up with, many of whom already are in FL, and the ones that aren’t come down often and visit, and will be relocating there within a few years. It’s like full circle.
I’m really really blessed. I’ve known quite a few people whose circle is small, very small. 1 or 2 people. My ex hasn’t got anyone, but that’s the way he wants it. To have friends, you have to be a friend. Be willing to go out on that limb, not knowing what the outcome will be, and not worrying about it. I’m just so grateful for the people in my life.
Love and light
She was born on the wind
It carried her to the stars
When her reach exceeded her grasp.
It carried her back to earth
When she longed for the safety
Of her mother’s arms.
She sang harmonies
That the wind carried to distant lands
She cried tears
And watered the trees below.
She smiled
And lit the dark places
She laughed
And soothed the suffering
With her joy.
Her name was Love.
Always and all ways.
The day broke cooler
And a breeze lifted my hair.
Sweet respite of dawn.
By Deborah E. Dayen
Picture from Google Images
I was asked by Anita Lubesh, a wondeful poet and a good friend, (she made me learn to count, lol) to contribute to a wonderful collaborative of poets, called Poets for Peace. It is a response to the escalating world violence, doing what we do, as writers and poets. I am honored to have been asked, but I don’t think you have to be asked. If you have a poem to share, please share it as a comment on this site:
Calling All Poets/Creative Minds to A Grand Collaboration – Poets for Peace
The complete set of guidelines is available there. They are taking contributions during the month of August. There are some really wonderful poets contributing.
It seems this is a consciousness-raising effort, for all the world. Right now, they are trying to decide what to do with “The Poem Heard Round the World.”
My contribution is a poem I wrote a couple of months ago, in response to another cowardly and horrific terrorist attack.
7.9 Billion Safe Corners
What can end the hate?
More hate? More anger?
More power?
Taking power away?
When do we realize we are all one thing?
Cogs in the wheel,
All necessary for us to move forward together.
When do we acknowledge our fears,
And choose the path of love
To resolve them,
Instead of the path of hate and violence?
What can you do, today?
Can you extend a smile
Where you might have passed by without looking?
Can you offer bread to those who are hungry
Without asking who deserves to eat?
Can you love your fellow man
Without asking if he deserves it?
Can you give him a reason to live
instead of die?
Can we all take care of our own
small corners of the world,
And make them safe?
Imagine if there were 7.9 billion safe corners in the world?
Can we work toward that?
Last night was a tough night. My arthritic joints in my arms were throbbing after all the lifting and carrying for the tag sale, and then to put it all away. And then pack stuff for a couple of hours. I remembered that my son had bought me a topical cream, a natural kind of “Icy Hot” or “Ben Gay” for arthritis where he works (The Vitamin Shoppe), and in the middle of the night I applied some to my elbow and forearm and within minutes I had relief. I had tried to put a lidocaine patch on but couldn’t find my scissors to open the pack, and damn, you cannot rip it open using your teeth, lol. Undoubtedly the scissors are somewhere in another bedroom where I was using them to cut tape or something for packing. But the cream actually worked better. I finally got about 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Some friends wanted me to go to breakfast with them this morning. I begged off. I’m going out tonight with my book club gals, and just did not feel like getting up, showering, getting dressed early today, and I have so much to do anyway. I was out on the deck writing at about 6:30 but had to come in an hour later, it was just too hot, even for me.
So, I think I will get dressed, not early, lol, but at some point and go get more bubble wrap so I can wrap up more knick-knacks, and pictures and stuff. I need a couple more “TV” boxes, that will fit my artwork. My house is covered with my sisters paintings, and a couple other ones that were done by a local artist, of places that I love here. New London Harbor, where my boat was docked for so many years, and Menemsha Pond at Martha’s Vineyard. And one Georgia O’Keeffe print I bought at a tag sale for $2. And had it framed for my bedroom for $200. Crazy. But I love it. It’s one of her Lake George prints. I do love her work.
So, the moving thing continues to move along. I’m feeling a little anxiety about it all, not because I’m questioning what I’m doing, but there’s so much to organize, I’m afraid I will forget something. I booked my plane fare back from Denver last night, it was only $170. Seems cheap, to fly 2000 miles, lol.
I feel like money is flying out of my wallet at the moment. Between this drive to Denver, and the movers, etc etc etc. Even when I get to FL, I have to buy a washer and dryer, a storage shed, and replace some windows in my house. Then I will stop spending and go on austerity.
Oh well, I never thought it would be easy. Just that it would be worth it in the end.
Love and light all. Stay cool.
Oh, to love is sweet
tender moments, tender thoughts
connecting two hearts.
No one should ever
Assume my complicity
In a lie they tell.
They can assume, though
That I will be complicit
In an honest truth.
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
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