Going to be hot today. Really hot for New England. They say 99°. There is not even a hint of a breeze. Not one leaf in the woods around my deck is moving. Birds are barely singing, trying to conserve their energy for this hot day ahead.

It’s steamy. Been thunder-storming every night, tho last night’s missed us, we could hear it in the distance. The air is thick, heavy. If I didn’t have the tag sale I’d be on my way to the beach, early, because it’s going to be wall to wall.

But really, I said, I should get used to this, right? Although I don’t think even Florida gets many days around 100°. Too much water. Hopefully a sea breeze will predominate. But if not, I have AC in Avalon, and will just stay inside during the hot part of the day. Sit out on the deck in the balmy evenings, with the scent of the salt water not all that far away. Maybe with my sister, her husband, my good friends there.

Today is another day to get another step closer. Gonna get the movers lined up and really begin the packing once this tag sale is over. Feeling content this morning. And excited.

There’s peace on the hillside today, despite the sauna bath we will live in.

Love and light.

And so….I gave them $5000. I let go. Did I want to spend another winter here? Did I want to face as yet unknown problems that could arise with the next buyer?

No. I have said that I won’t give up the deal for $5k. I will still be ok. I will have enough. I don’t think about the $42K I am losing on this house. I just can’t. I look at what I am gaining.

My freedom. Freedom from work. Freedom from those things that hold me here, with sometimes weak sometimes strong connection, but thing which I’ll be free from when I leave here. Freedom to live my life as I see fit, to travel, to love, to play, to be. To just be me.

Is it worth $5K? Yes.

So, I guess my closing remains September 16. My Colorado start date is Sept. 2. My son has a nice safe place to stay with a woman who seems a lot like me spiritually. Perfect. When we go out there, I will rent her extra room for $40 a night. Instead of $100 per hotel room. Nice. I’ll be able to spend a couple of busy days with my son making sure he is set up there.

It’s really happening now. I’m going to be there soon. About 4 weeks from now.

Tomorrow is the neighborhood tag sale. My friend who is moving and I set it all up in my garage tonight, and tomorrow we’ll move it outside, into the 99° heat. I told her maybe we will wear our bathing suits. And hose ourselves down throughout the day. We have a bottle of wine in the fridge for when we are done.

We talked tonight about how much we will miss each other. Because we spend a lot of time together. We go out, we just have fun. We have never had even something close to a bad word together. But I know I will see her in FL. I KNOW she will have a place for me to stay next summer. I know we will remain friends, and have a lot of fun times ahead of us.

Lots of stuff moving now, in the direction I want it to move. My son has a telephone interview with a cell service provider tomorrow, his second. It sounds like he may for sure have a job with these people when he gets to Colorado. A big relief to him and to me.

So, I let go of attachment to the $5k. I can always get more money. It’s a tangible. I can’t buy more time, and I want the time. That’s all it boils down to. I can’t buy more time. And I want the time. Simple. The next 10 years will be mine. If I find someone to share them with, that will be wonderful. But regardless, if I do or don’t, they will be mine. I WILL go to Italy. I will live life more fully than ever.

Love and light, all.

I am exhausted. I hate to write a blog where I’m complaining, I have so much to be grateful for, but I am so exhausted it’s not funny.

The people buying my house are STILL giving me agita, after I got the report that there’s nothing wrong with the house. They are still the buyers from hell. Yesterday they said they would accept my offer of “$5000 credit at the closing toward home repairs.” Which I NEVER gave them. Of course we went back and said, no, I was going to put the money in escrow and they would have to prove that there were structural issues with the house, and show me a receipt for work done, and I would release half of it. But since there are no issues with the house that should not be an issue.

Geezus. Waiting to hear again. Closing is in 3 weeks. I’m of 2 minds at this point. To give them the $5k and walk away and be done, or to let them walk away, and keep their deposit, and use it to pay my mtg for 3 months while I sell the house again.  And try to sell the house for more money than this time. But we’ll see if they come back with something reasonable this morning. I told my realtor I would give them the original $1k for the inspections they want to do. But that’s it.  I have to release attachment to the outcome, and surrender, just like I did with my son’s having a place to live.  I know the universe will work it out in my highest good.

I went out with 2 of my bff’s last night for dinner. They took me! It was so I could say goodbye to one of them, because I won’t see her again. I haven’t seen her for a long time, and no one knows why, really, she dropped out of sight. I think she suffers from real depression issues maybe. But it was so good to see her. It was so hard to say goodbye at the end of the night. I am so bad with goodbyes, I just can’t stop crying. And I have so many to say. I’d love her to come visit me in FL. But I don’t see her doing it.

We had some unbelievable thunderstorms last night. They said we got a whole summers worth of rain in one night. Pitchfork lightning bolts all around. I drove home in one cell, then we ran into the restaurant as another approached and watched it from inside. I’ve always loved thunderstorms, but prefer to be safely inside, lol, not running down the street.

I have to get ready tonight for the tag/yard sale tomorrow. And be up early to set it up. My friend who is moving is coming over to do it with me, she’s selling a bunch of stuff too.

Of course, then there’s work. Which has been exhausting. I sometimes wonder what they will do when I am gone, really. Not blowing my own horn, really. It’s the historical knowledge I have that no one else has. I spent at least a half hour explaining to the VP of engineering and the pres of the company the situation with a piece of equipment that is in Libya, and if I wasn’t there, there would have been no one who had any idea. Stuff like that goes on every day. But there’s no way I can impart 12 years experience to anyone. I guess, there’s always the phone. Whatever. We have 2 new people I’m training, and another girl who has been there almost 5 years is on vacation. Just stressful, combined with the issues around my house selling.

At least my son has a place to live in CO for sure. It’s a mile away from his friend out there. At least there’s one thing I can stop worrying about. When we go there, we will go straight to her house, we have it from Sept. 1. And I can rent another room from her while I’m there for $40 a night. Now I just have to get the f’n house sold for sure, and plan the drive out there, and get a flight back.

So much going on. I knew it was going to be chaotic. There’s nothing I can do but walk through it, one step at a time. I think I will sleep all the way to CO, lol.

Well, off to work. TGIF. Love and light, all.

– Dr.  Dannyboy,  in Jitterbug Perfume. 

Is this true?  I think it definitely is for some people. Not everyone. But I have known people who were never happy, and a relationship with them involved being totally wrapped up in their consistent unhappiness. 

We all have our days, hours, moments, whatever periods where we’re not happy. But you learn to climb out of the hole on your own, or you drag others in there with you. 

This book is still full of wisdom. It still does not make me think of S, except maybe the lengthy appearance of Pan, the mythical God of Nature. 

Love and light..

I had a good day today! As I sit here eating my single square of salted caramel dark chocolate, I am feeling about as good as this morning! Cool…..

I went to my endocrinologist this morning. Diabetes dr. My numbers were good! And I lost 4 more lbs. A total of, idk, 25 maybe in the last year. It all was good enough to cut my meds back some. Not a lot, but it’s the first time they’ve ever wanted to cut them back! I’m on the right trajectory! Made me really happy! She checked all my prescriptions and made sure I had enough refills to get by until I get a new dr.

One odd thing was, they took my blood pressure, and it’s historically been low. I told her it was probably going to be high, with all the stress from moving, etc. It was 130/54. I said, who has BP like that? The top number is high, the low number is low. Weird……Usually, it’s like 115/70 or so. That was a little crazy.

Work was a bear today, but so what? 2 ½ weeks and it will be over for me. Not my problem then.

Then I had my hair done after work, cut and highlighted. Damn, I will miss my hair dresser. She gave me the formula for the color that she uses, so I can find someone down there maybe.

My son at least started getting call backs and text backs on the rooms and apts he’s looking at Progress, but it’s slow. He got another call back on his resume too. Coming together slow but sure.

So, it’s all good. Life is good.

Love and light.