Open mic night tonight was just what the doctor ordered for me. It was such an emotional, stressful day and night last night. It was so relaxing to sit at the table with my friends, drink a nice hot cup of tea (because it’s about 50 here tonight!), talk, laugh, listen to music. My guy friend that I always sit with there has not been there for over a month. Last week I texted him and told him we miss him. He came tonight. He didn’t want to sing because he’s doing a Frank Sinatra show somewhere, and has been rehearsing a lot, and just wanted to relax tonight. As soon as he’d greeted everyone, he sat with me and we talked and caught up pretty much the rest of the night, in between performers. I am so grateful for the friendship of this man who will just sit and talk with me, be with me, listen to me. Be kind and decent and always watch out for me. When the night is over he always walks to my car with me. It was just extra special tonight in the wake of all the bullshit I dealt with over the last 24 hours.

Life is returning to what it was before the last week, to happy, peaceful, calm. No drama. Though, one of my friends want to write a play, based on my experiences. She thinks we could turn it into a comedy, and probably could, lol. She actually told my other friend who is an acress, playwright, sculptor that we should meet again at my house and work on it, lol. The names would be changed to protect the innocent, lol, if there are any.

Tonight I intend to sleep like a baby, and dream good dreams. Get back to my drama free life.

Love and light all. Sweet dreams.

I went shopping today.
For potatoes and a pot roast,
For salad and avocadoes.
For shrimp and some fruit,
Bananas, raspberries, strawberries.

(Strawberries are in season here, now.
Red and ripe, juicy and sweet.)

I choose carefully,
The items I put in my cart.
For size, color, flavor,
Nutritional value.

Not quite like choosing friends.
Friends….
Chosen for laughter
For similarities
For kindness
For compassion.

Not quite like choosing a lover.
A lover….
All the qualities in a friend.
Except that they are somone
You want to see just before you fall asleep
In their arms
After a night, and maybe a day
Spent with them
Lost, but found.
Except they are someone
Whose eyes you want to look into
First thing
When you wake up
After a night spent with them
Lost, but found.

I guess shopping is one thing,
And choosing friends
And choosing lovers
Is quite another.

By Deborah E. Dayen, Picture from Google Images

 I was shopping today, and this idea was ruminating in my head.  I remembered when I first went on dating sites and a friend said, “Oh it’s so much fun!  It’s like shopping for men.”  And, I guess it kind of was, is.  Really, I just saw it as a way to meet people.  But then, one of my best friend’s brothers married someone he found online, from the Philippines, and they are happy.  So that might actually have been shopping for a mate.  I just can’t seem to connect shopping….choosing, selecting, paying for, bringing home for consumption….with love.  With a partner.  With sex.  Ain’t never happening for me.

As we all know, the time changed to Daylight Savings Time last weekend. Why then….is it still dark out when I get up 15 minutes AFTER the sun supposedly has risen? It’s cloudy, yes. But there should be SOME light filtering through, right? Maybe it’s because I’m in FL, and it’s just different here, than in CT when the time changes, because of the circumference of the earth. IDK. It just seems weird. I wake up usually just before or just after 7. Sunrise is supposedly around 6:40. For the last 2 days it has been pitch black at sunrise. Being an aficionado of sunrise, it’s a new phenomenon to me.

I’ve stood on docks and piers many many times waiting for the sun to peek over the horizen, and it’s never been so dark before. Come to think of it, March is usually when I used to come visit and always made sunrise, since I was in the habit of waking up at 5:30 when I worked. Just seems weird. I don’t think the clouds were that thick, or didn’t think so anyway. They are supposed to dissipate this afternoon and we will be back to normal bright sunny FL weather, albeit cold, for here. Not above 60 until Friday. I’ll let you know, lol.

Yesterday after I had my back massage, I just came home. I felt like I had a cold or something trying to take over my body, so I just sat on the couch and read, and wrote. I am still struggling with the fiction thing, I don’t know if it’s ever going to happen. Last night was supposed to go to a fund-raiser for the Veterans Art Center, but I didn’t go. I was just too tired, felt to lousy, to go stand around for 2 or 3 hours schmoozing with a glass of wine. I was actually to tired to even write anything. I sat with a blank page in front of me for awhile, and finally, gave up, watched the Voice, and went to bed. I’m glad I did, I feel much better this morning.

Yesterday afternoon there was a knock on the door, and it was my trans friend, just stopping by. She lives in my neighborhood, just a few blocks away. She came in for awhile and we just talked. She had a brand new scooter she’s driving around, which is a great way to get around down here. We talked a bit about her journey, from being a paratrooper to a nurse to a woman. I asked her, when did she know? Did she know when she was young? She said, she always knew she was different, but wasn’t sure what it was. It wasn’t until she was in a wicked dark place that she realized what it was, and began this journey. She lost so much, her whole family. Even her mother. I just can’t imagine. I told her that I have a friend from high school, who used to date one of my besties from high school, for 2 years, as John, who is now a woman. We are friends, and while it shocked me at first, it just doesn’t matter to me now. I think it’s been more than a decade.

There are all kinds of people in this world, and I don’t think we can pigeon hole anyone. Both of my trans friends are really lovely people. My friend here, I treasure her friendship. Everyone likes her, even those that can’t quite grasp what she’s had to do. I just tend to see people for who they are inside, I see their souls, honestly…some more clearly than others. Hers is so honest, and candid, and open. It sure gives one a wider perspective on the world, to know someone well who has had to undertake that journey to stay alive, literally.

So this morning I have an appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted. It really needs doing, I can’t wait. Love getting my hair done. And it will be done for the weekend, when my bestie from CT is here, and we are out on the town, lol. I have a bunch of fun stuff to do. The weather is supposed to be perfect again, YAY!

When I went to the dr last week I had gained a few, like 3 or 4, lbs, mainly I think, because of having company around. My sister, and then my sis and my niece, etc. We go out to eat a lot when she’s around. Anyway, I am happy to say I’ve lost those few lb back. Happy about that. It scares me now when I gain even a couple, because I so don’t want to go back where I used to be. I guess that’s great motivation to just immediately stop overeating.

Feeling good now, and the sun is really up, lol. At 8 AM, I guess it had better be! Love and light, everyone.

I think perhaps the shift has mostly taken over. Last night I slept well, a full 8 hours. What was weird is that this morning, I woke at just after 7 and it was still dark, so I assumed it was maybe like 6 or earlier because the sun has been coming up around 6:30. But I looked at my phone, the time was 7:01 or something. It’s because there are thick gray clouds overhead, such a rare occurrence here, at least this time of year. The clouds are the bottom part of the huge blizzard that is killing my old home, and the rest of the northeastern states. Everyone I communicated with yesterday was hunkering down. No one goes to work today, they’re expecting up to 2 feet of snow by end of day.

I texted last night with a man I used to work with. He really was the top dog there, after the owners.  He is an extremely smart, well educated man and a really good sales person in a very specific high-tech industry. We became good friends, slowly. Partly because he’s a boater also.  His wife has had lung cancer  for about 6 years, she and I are also good friends. I asked after her, and he said she’s stable right now, and it’s one day at a time. She did remarkably well for the first 4 years. But last year it began metastasizing to her brain and other places. She never smoked either, she was always the picture of health.  They were one of those couples that inspired me, still crazy about each other after 35 years.

He was not looking forward to the storm that was just starting, lol. He said the girl who took my job…well she’s struggling. He said “if I ever got frustrated with you when you did that job, I was SOOOOO wrong.” I reminded him that it takes a long time in that job, it’s undoubtedly the hardest administrative job they have, and it took me a few years to really be up to speed. He never really gave me a hard time anyway, that I remember. But he was the go to person when I got lost, which the last 5 years was probably rare. And I’m sure for a new person it’s probably every day. Whatever….I sure don’t miss it! I do miss the people though. I told him I hoped to be up there in Aug or Sept to see everyone.

I get to go for a back massage today. And tonight I have a fund-raiser for the Art Center, some networking kind of thing. It will be fun, good way to meet people. Tomorrow a hair appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted. Then Friday my friend comes.

Really glad to be feeling more myself this morning. The last few days have been a struggle, but I guess that’s where we find our strength right? I think I’ve recovered mine, gratefully.

Love and light, all.