Projection. Boy, I hate projection. Projection is a reaction borne of fear. If someone is terrified to be accountable, or responsible for what they’ve done, or caused….It is so easy to blame someone else. If a boyfriend cheats on a woman, and she finds out, and makes sure the other woman knows about both of them…..and then he blames the one who made him tell, that’s projection of blame. If he hadn’t done it, there’d be nothing to tell right?

If your child gets caught doing something wrong, and says, “But JOE told me too….”, he’s projecting his fear, and the blame, onto Joe. And quickly learns accountability when he’s told. “Well, that may be so. But you’re the one who’s going to get in trouble for it, aren’t you?”

How much nicer would it be if everyone learned to be accountable for their own actions at an early age? I know in my ex-husbands household that he grew up in, when something happened, like something getting broken, someone had to be at fault. And whoever was at fault was going to get a whuppin’. So….everyone projected the blame onto someone else, and the one who was the most convincing got a reprieve. But the other one, OUCH. Consequently, he learned to project blame instead of accept responsibility for what he’d done. It did him in….It did our marriage in. It did his relationship with his son in. It did his business in. Projection. It’s a sad thing to watch.

I spent years unteaching my son that behavior. I think I did an ok job. He’s an awesome kid. He’s more likely now, to say, “Yeah, I did that. Because of this…it was stupid, but I did it.” I have had someone close to me project their own mistakes with their children onto me. I didn’t even get mad. I just said, “You have no idea what my son and I have been through. Don’t ever try to get involved with how I deal with my son.” Projection. My son proved my parenting technique to be a valid one. He’s a self-sufficient successful kid. He has not asked me for one thing since he’s been on his own. I did, however, send him 3 dozen home-made cookies at Christmas, and again the other day, with $50. Because, I was projecting my joy at having him as a kid onto him. Well, not really projecting.g Really extending – love.

Think of projection as throwing something at someone, to get it off your hands. Think of extending, as giving someone a hand, to help. A loving helping hand.

There’s a big difference.

This post is part of the Stream of Consciousness Saturday writing prompt by Linda G.Hill.  If you’d like to join the fun, please go to  https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/24840312/posts/1362368175  for the rules.

She scours newspapers

Looking for buried stories

Obsessed with knowing

By Deborah E. Dayen

Image from Google Images

Why are people so happy about tRumps address the other night? Because he suddenly became a normal leader, trying in some small way to motivate people positively? Do they not know that he was scripted, rehearsed, managed, so that he’d fool us all again? So the guy can read. Wow. So what.

It’s his actions, and the actions of those he surrounds himself with. He cares about as much for clean water and air as I do for him. Probably less. He only cares in as much as it’s costing him and his friends. His cabinet is so incompetent. First Flynn, and now Sessions, caught to be bold-faced lying through their teeth. Like the NYTimes said, the days of “spin” are gone, these are the days of bold-faced lying. I gotta wonder how much of this people have to get blindsided by before they will raise their voices to get this guy the hell out of office, and his cronies. Do the Republicans in Congress not see where this is going to go? Are they really that short-sighted? I mean, seriously. How much damage will he be allowed to do before he’s seen for what he is.

People just want to be gullible. They want to believe the best thing is happening, even if it isn’t. For God’s sake, I have done it! Not in my political views, but for pete’s sake, I have let myself be rampantly run over by men I loved, ignoring the truth about them over and over. Because I wanted to believe that they cared about me. About someone besides themselves. HA HA, the joke was on me. But at least it didn’t hurt anyone else but me. The damage that was done…Geezus. The first one it took me years to overcome. The second, well…I think I figured it out just in the nick of time, lol. Seems like I have cleared a path out of the bullshit, and into the blue.

I suppose it is those two relationships that allow me to see what’s going on so clearly. I have said that my childhood on the banks of the Mississippi River was so Norman Rockwell that I had no idea that people like my ex even existed. And now I see someone who has the same personality disorder as my ex (narcissistic, sociopathic, psychopathic, borderline) sit in the most powerful position in the world, and be totally ready to screw the world up for his own benefit, and lie pathologically…. My ex hurt me, and my son. But that was the limit of his reach. I see what tRump is capable of, if he is not stopped, and it scares the living crap out of me.

I’m trying, really hard here, not to swear. Not to say the F-word or sh*t. Even though, they are perfectly fitting, lol.

I am probably, for the most part, preaching to the choir. I’m sitting home today, nursing my incision, so I have way too much time on my hands to read news articles and see what is happening, in more depth than normal. I can’t get to the water to take a walk, because I don’t think I should be driving. Even though I’ve not had a pain-killer, I feel the residual effects of taking 3 yesterday so think driving is out of the question. Anyway, I apologize for writing about this again. Every day there is a new revelation that requires me picking my already painful jaw up off the floor.

Well, peace out, everyone. As always, love and light.

I have a pain med hangover this morning. Upset stomach, headache, foggy head. My jaw hurts, but not enough to make me take anymore pain meds! Geezus, it would be hard to get addicted to those…I’d rather have the pain than feel like this! The good news is that the dr found a tooth fragment that was causing the gum to keep getting re-infected over the years, so it should be good to go now.

I could feel what he was doing, which is why I said in hindsight I should have gotten knocked out. He said, “You’re tough, right?” Yeah, I was tough. I did what I always do in a situation like that, I went to a meditative state and just chanted in my head, “Sat chit ananda”. The Sanskrit for existence, consciousness, bliss. Over and over. It takes me away, mentally, from what’s going on. But I was pretty wasted when it was over.

But I’m pulling it together. I managed to get my garbage bins out to the street, since it’s garbage day and they were full. It’s chilly this morning. I went out in a t-shirt and came back in for a hoodie! But it will warm up nicely, to the mid 70’s by noon.

I will be housebound again today, but that’s ok. Hopefully I will hear from L, my friends will stop by and keep me company. They seem to love to come to my house. Maybe because I usually have good chocolate, lol. I have good food right now, in the fridge. Homemade baked mac and cheese…who doesn’t love that? And homemade chicken soup that turned out really good. So, if anyone is hungry I can feed them!

I considered, ever so briefly, going back on the dating site when L told me he might have to stay in Ohio for up to another couple weeks. It’s no game, I totally get it and understand, I just was thinking maybe he doesn’t really have time for a relationship. Just thought, I’d go back on and see what happened, because maybe we won’t be able to work this out if he’s not going to be here much. But then I decided, he is the first person I’ve been really totally attracted to in so long. The first since the nameless one, and he’s such a good guy. There is no game with him, no dysfunction. He had a loving marriage, he loved his wife. They were a normal, long married couple, he loves his kids and is very close to them, and has lots of extended family and friends. So opposite of the nameless one, and it’s what I need. Someone whose life is more like mine….who is stable, and can care, and is healthy both physically and emotionally. So….I’ll wait for him. I think it has all the possibilities of being wonderful. We’ve been able to get to know each other through talking a lot, it’s all good. I told him I’ll keep the dinner warm til he can get here, lol.

I’m in a pretty good place. I got a resolution on the smoke alarm wierdness, lol. I will probably always get those anomalies, but I don’t think I’ll let them freak me out. I am happy with where my life is right now.

Love and light, everyone.

I’m home from the dentist. Let me just say it was a bit nastier than I expected, lol. It hurt me while he was doing it, which was explained to me. The dr was thorough, and kind, he paid attention to my body language and gave me breaks. I probably should have been knocked out, but too late once I’m there. So I got home, and took a percoset, because I already know it’s gonna hurt like a bear when the anesthetic wears off.

I had a nice talk with L before I went today. That was so nice, to talk and laugh, and actually have someone give a shit what was going on with me. He now may be there longer….because they’re buying another piece of property Tuesday, and he hasn’t seen it inside. He doesn’t quite trust his son’s assessment of it, just lack of experience. So he may stay and check it out himself, and if he has to stay and do work on it, will stay probably another 10 days or so. But then he has a ticket already for Monday but it’s only $29 so it’s not a big deal to give it up.

He’s just so nice, and funny. We traded stories about spiders, he hates the big ones. He said if someone needs a big one dealt with we will be SOL together. Not big like the Saudi Arabian ones, that run in packs and kill you, but the big ones that hang out by lakes, 6” in diameter, and run on top of the water. Hate those things.

He just texted me to check in on me while I’m writing this.Have I mentioned that he played football at Ohio State?  He’s a big guy, built like a football player.  He had to be pretty good to play for the Buckeyes.  Right now I’m thinking the wait will be worth it. Not changing anything anyway, while on Percoset, lol.

I came home and blew the leaves off of my deck and am parked out here for awhile. I’m so glad I made that soup yesterday, and mac and cheese. It was kind of weird, that when I got home, I really felt homesick for my old house in CT. And for my friends there. It was always just so safe there. It is here too, but I don’t have that big circle I used to have. And I have to miss open mic tonight. That’s a bummer. My friend who really sings said she doesn’t know if she can go if I’m not gonna be there, lol.

So it’s me and the geckos this afternoon. And a good book, and some water. Glad it’s a nice afternoon, not so hot, but nice and warm.

Love and light, all.

Today’s the day. D-Day.  Dentist-day.   Why is it that such a small, little surgery is making me so nervous? I guess because I’ve had toothaches in the past, that really really hurt. And I know this piece of whatever it is they left in my mouth is near the nerve, and that’s why they left it. So, chances are that nerve is going to get messed with and it will hurt like a son of a bitch after. But maybe not. I thought the carpal tunnel surgery would hurt, but it didn’t hurt at all. Though cutting my gum open, well, I gotta be real. It’s gonna hurt, lol.

I’ve been considering, again, writing fiction. But really, I don’t know that I’m creative enough. I tend to write about my life, my emotions, my experiences, and glean what I can from them. I suppose if I fictionalized my life, but still used it, maybe I could do it. Idk. I’ve had to live so much in the present moment, deciphering every second, that I don’t know if I can change that mindset. That’s what hyper-vigilance does to you over time. I am very aware of my life each second, and where I’ve been and where I want to go. But I might give it a whirl here, anyway, something short, just to try it out. I’m afraid the characters would be all too recognizable though. Which would probably ruffle some feathers.

I’m looking forward to L coming home. I know he is too, just to stop going going. To stay put here for more than a few days. He said he’s going to sleep for a whole day, lol. Though I doubt that, he is a pretty active 62 year old. He doesn’t like being sedentary. It will be fun to get to know him better, I am pretty sure. Still have to figure out what I’m gonna make him for dinner. Seafood, I think, of some kind. I don’t really know what he likes but he ate seafood when we had lunch.

The day will be interesting, I guess. Maybe I will be able to make some jewelry if I don’t get too zoned out on the pain-killers. Or maybe I’ll just sleep, lol. I can at least sit outside, and it’s not going to be so hot today, somewhere around 80° but for the last few days it’s been almost 90°. Crazy warm even for here. I have some good books to read, and of course, writing. I’ll be fine.

I’ll be back on the flip side of this appointment. Love and light everyone.