He signed the quitclaim! Hallelujah! I guess he was really afraid to go to court, because he drove his truck with the rear window in saran wrap the 15 or 20 miles to my attorney’s office. (And if you believe the bull about his truck rear windshield, I have some swamp land…… CT is a state where glass coverage is mandatory on all car insurance policies. As is insurance…Sigh……) He came in to my atty’s office just as she got back from court. I guess he really didn’t want to go to court, lol.

So now, the pending sale of my slip can move forward quickly. Hopefully it will close sometime next week. It will be nice to resupply my bank account after 7 months of no income.

Additionally to the sale of the slip, I applied for ½ of my ex’s social security yesterday. It was done over the phone, was simple and easy. The girl said she would need me to bring down the marriage license and divorce agreement. I said, “I have the marriage license but there wasn’t an agreement for the divorce. It was a judgment at the end of a 3 day trial. I don’t have a copy of that judgment but I do have a copy of the Supreme Court decision.” She said, “Really????” “Yes” I told her. So she googled my name and found the decision. She said, “Ok you don’t have to bring anything down here. This is sufficient proof you were married for more than 10 years.” She asked if I won. “Yes”, I told her. “They, all 7 judges, called him unconscionable like 8 or 9 times in the judgment.” She laughed.

And that was it. I’ll start getting direct deposits in 2 weeks. Cool. Stop the bleeding, and don’t have to get a job. Because, for me, when I stopped working, I realized I would do ANYTHING not to go back to work. LOL. Worked for 50 years, that was enough for me.

Now to write my ex the letter….To get him off my back. To stop the dogs from barking. Finally, there is nothing to connect us any longer. Thank God, is all I can say. I’m celebrating today. With some chocolate and ice water, at the moment! What a relief.

Love and light to all.

I talked to my ex, again. Twice. Just shoot me. Talk about making something simple difficult. However, he got a court summons for Monday, and doesn’t want to go, so I think, hopefully, (and that’s actually not much hope) he will get it signed and notarized and returned to my atty right away so he doesn’t have to go to court.

Then I will block his number and never talk to him again. OMG.

First he wants to tell me how he had to talk to Medicare about his $55,000 prescription drugs last year. Like…..do I give a shit? And, do I even believe that? No, of course not. But it was said to bring about a reaction from me, so he could tell me about his health, to make me feel sorry for him. My response was “oh”. I am so hip to his shit…..

Then he wants to tell me he doesn’t have a good car to drive the 15 miles to her office to sign it there. Because the rear window in his truck was shattered by ice, and he hasn’t got it replaced so he covered it in saran wrap. OH PLEASE. Geezus. What about your other two cars. “the Grand National is not running and the Lincoln has no brakes.” Bullshit, my friends have seen him driving the cars around town. Again, “feel sorry for me and the way I have to live since you left me.” My response….. “I can’t help you with the cars. I don’t really care how you get it done, but if you don’t, you’ll have to get to court anyway. Call my atty and see if she can come up with an idea.”

Him: “Would you tell our son to call me? I have some information for him.” Me: “How many times have YOU asked him to call you? Maybe 100? Has he ever?” Him: “no……” Me: I’ll tell him. But I wouldn’t hold my breath.” I mean, seriously. Give it up dude. Write the kid a letter, like he asked.

Fuckface. Really. It’s a good thing I have plenty of wine on hand.

I created a pendant after talking to him. It’s pretty, a beautiful fluorite pendant wrapped in silver wire. I called a good friend, a sculptor who gave me some pendants she’d sculpted that she wanted me to wire wrap and asked her to come over tomorrow to see what we could figure out how she wanted them. So that will be nice. She also is a writer, she wrote the play we read through a few weeks ago. She asked to see some of my work. A bunch of us are talking about putting together a writers group. I’d like that a lot.

I got some fresh green onions and a fresh eggplant from the community garden that’s 4 doors down from me tonight. I made the eggplant for dinner. Mmmmm.

This morning I had a back massage, which was awesome. Badly needed.

So….the day was a good day. Lots of good things happened. I think he just triggers so many horrible things in me, and he has no shame, no care, he does it over and over again, every time we talk. I want to smack him. Take take take. Never even wonders how I’m doing. But he’s an asshole, he has a horrible life, I have a rich full life away from him. Blessed….. Love and light everyone.

Lou called me tonight, which is much better than a text. He has contact dermatitis, probably from the gym, on his face, so is kind of holed up in the house. He didn’t know what it was, but went to the dr. today. I don’t know why he didn’t say so last night, but it’s whatever.

It’s whatever, because he also told me tonight that he’s going to be going back to Ohio in 3 weeks, and for the most part will be gone for the next 6 months. Seems he probably could have said that on our first date….but he didn’t. That was so long ago, and he didn’t expect to be gone most of that time. He said he really likes me, and my company, but of course it’s not fair to me, lol. And really, I’ve known there was something going on, but at least it wasn’t me or something I did.

I’m fine with it. As I’ve said, I knew something was happening with that connection. I think, from what he said and didn’t say, he went home last week, wanting more, and realizing during the next few days it was real soon that he’d be leaving. With all the back and forth he’s had to Ohio, he just kind of lost track of the time, and how soon he’d be leaving. I like him, but I knew there were some big differences under the surface anyway. He’s still so sweet, we talked for a long time, even after he told me he was leaving. I told him call me when you’re here…who knows.

I had to talk to my ex this afternoon. That was a living fucking nightmare. OMG. I can’t even go into the circular conversations he starts that I can’t stand. He called me is wife like 3 times, and each time I corrected him, I am NOT your wife. (We’ve been divorced 8 years, apart 10.) Like I said the other day, he still considers me his wife. Geezus. He wants to tell my son he was talking to me and I’m trying to help him rebuild his relationship with him. I said, “leave me out of it.” I also finally got him to shut up long enough to say, “You haven’t talked to him in what, 6 years? Why don’t you try it his way, instead of yours?” He’ll never do it anyone’s way but his own, and so, he’ll never have a relationship with his son. It’s sad, but it’s the way it is.

Then he wants me to forgive all the money he owes me, lol. So he doesn’t have to put it on a credit app. Sure…. Never acknowledging that I could have had him put in jail for contempt of court for not paying me. I have a court order that says that’s what would happen if I took him back for non-payment, and I just couldn’t do it. Just, wipe his slate clean, despite the choice he made to spend probably $150K to try to keep me from getting my fair portion of our estate. Never being accountable for blowing through 100’s of $1000’s…. Just wipe it clean, Deb. Help him out.

No. Even though I’ll never see any of it, no. He can deal with the decisions he made that ruined his life, and almost mine and our sons.

He seems to think we have a new relationship now, that the past is behind us. I said, “no….the relationship is the one we’ve always had.” As if the slate is wiped clean of the daily, hourly, abuse I lived with for so long because he’s broke. And should be my son. What an asshole. He has so many stories…all of them bullshit. Not to mention he still talks over me every time I try to say anything. I finally started saying “I’m going to hang up if you keep doing this.” Like over and over, for about 5 minutes while he rambled on. So I finally hung up.

And had 2 glasses of wine.

I don’t ever like to say I hate someone. I really don’t, and I know he’s just a dumb fuck, trying to avoid looking in the mirror. But God, every time I have to talk to him, I hang up the phone hating him, however briefly. I tried to do the right thing, and hear him out. I wish him the best, but once he signs the quitclaim for my slip, I hope I never talk to him again.

Other than that, I spent the afternoon at the gallery, cleaning up, putting some things in order. It wasn’t busy, but it was a nice afternoon. Thursday I think they’ll give me the info so I can start doing their books. We have to get the artists paid for the art that was sold on Saturday, so there begins to be a little urgency to getting the books up to speed.

Been an interesting day. Tough in places. Easy in others. But good. All good.

Love and light.

I heard from L. A text, an invitation of sorts. I said “Any day but Tuesday works for me.”  He said he’d get back to me. I said, “Don’t wait too long, lol.”  Because it was a vague “I’d like to see you but it’s not all that important, so I haven’t put that much effort into it.”  At least that’s what it seemed to me. He’s had all weekend to come up with a plan, because we haven’t talked since Friday and only has a half-hearted plan. And it was a text, not a call. All a bit impersonal to me, considering the connection I know we both felt when he left here.

It is really whatever. I am really not pushing. When and if he gets back to me, I’ll see him if I don’t have anything else planned. He’s a good guy, but is he the one? I’m rethinking that. He’s a little too aloof at the moment.  And honestly, I would like a relationship with someone I see more often than once every week or 10 days. The aloofness, though,  just may be because my own energy was distracted for a few days. We will see if we get back to where we were. If we do, good, if we don’t, good. I surrender it all to the universe to direct as it sees fit.

I’m going to get the hibiscus out of the box today. The friend who gave it to me told me it’s a tree. It will go perfectly between my two living room windows. Lots of light there. Hopefully I can get it planted, if I’m able to dig in the ground. I hope they put planting instructions in the box. While I’m at it, I need to water my herbs and other plants. It’s been hot, and no rain now for about a week.

Then I think I’ll go over to the gallery at some point today and see if there’s anything that needs doing, to clean up, or put back together after Saturday. I would like to run into Chuck again, which just tells you how much I’ve backed off on Lou. I really did enjoy talking to him, and felt like if it was a different venue, where I wasn’t really working, that we would have talked for hours. Seeing him again, though. may or may not ever happen, which is ok too. But again…what will be will be. It’s not really going to be up to me. I realize I’m not driving this train.

My childhood friend came over yesterday and we just sat on the deck and drank some wine, and both fell asleep at some point, because we were both so spent from the grand opening Saturday. She got her laundry done here. It was nice to spend the day with someone who is basically like family.

I may go over to the island and see my sis one night this week. I could use a day by her pool, or at the beach. I know I’ll go next week, when my son is here. I haven’t spent the night there in a long time, because it’s been “company” season for both of us. When my friend from up north was here, and we were talking about endless company, and my sis said, about me, “well, Deb’s not really company. We finish the same pot of coffee in the morning, and we both know we need to do our own things.” Which is so true, we never trample on each other, we are in sync most of the time. It’s kind of amazing how alike we are after so many years apart.

I hope I can stay in this kind of mindful, in the present moment, mood I’ve been in for a couple of days. I’ve been able to breathe, and stop looking over my shoulder. So good not to have any of that stupid childish drama slipping back into my life. I hope the precautions I’ve set up to keep it out of my life are able to do that.

Love and light.