Category Archives: Friends

Just an Afterthought

Posted on by learning to live like water

I just remembered something about last night that my friend and I both found really cool.

We walked into this bar/cafe, and because they had a good band playing, even at 7:15 every seat was taken.  As we were looking around, a woman at the bar said to us, “We just came here for dinner, and we’ll be leaving in 15 or 20 minutes.  If you stay here, you can grab our seats when we go.”  They were sitting at the bar, which is our preferred place to sit, because it’s just more casual, presents a better opportunity to meet and talk with people. That was so cool!

Then while we were waiting, there was a high table, with no chairs, where we could stand and at least put our wine glasses on it.  As we stood there, another woman who was seated at a high bar on stools (there are individual high bar tables scattered around) offered to us the empty chair at her table.

When we finally sat down at the bar, which was only about 15 minutes later, we were sitting there, and had our coats on the back of the bar chairs.  My coat fell off, unknown to me, and someone came over, picked it up, and gave it to me.

Just people, being so nice!!!  People talking, like family.  It was a neighborhood bar.  Small. The bartenders were 3 women, so friendly, so nice.  The people at the bar all talked to each other.  Someone came and asked us to dance, I deferred to my friend, lol.  She loves to dance, I am ok with it, but was not feeling like moving after 3 glasses of wine, lol.  While she danced a man next to me began a convo with me.  He was younger than me, and I think he really had his eye on my friend who was dancing, she was much closer to his age (she’s 50, I’m 64) .  But he asked how long I’d been single, we compared our ring “scars”!  LOL.  He’d been married 22 years. Me, 32.  We kind of understood each other, lol.

It was just so pleasant, to actually have people who were friendly, kind, normal interaction with fellow human beings.  We had a blast.  My friend was so happy she got to dance.

It restored my faith, that most people in this world are good and kind, and loving people.  I guess that’s why I had such a good time.

Loving the Mundane Life

Posted on by learning to live like water

Joy-in-the-Mundane

Living in New England this winter is schizophrenic.  Yesterday it was almost 60, after an incredibly out of season torrential rain all night with winds around 50 mph.  Trees down all over the place.  I had to re-route my drive to work yesterday because of trees down on the back roads.  And today, the high will be about 30, tomorrow morning +10-15.  You barely know how to dress from day to day.

I am glad though, that it’s not frigid cold every single day like last year.  And that the price of fuel oil is about a third of what it was last year.  I got 210 gallons yesterday, first time in 2 months.  For $1.49 per gallon.  Last year it was over $4.  Nice to heat the house for less than $500 for the winter.

I have been sleeping so well lately, except for the night that I had all those nasty hockey/abuse memories.  It’s nice to not have all that emotional upset that became my normal state for so long.  I’ve been able to focus better at work, starting to actually see daylight on getting caught up with my work there.

This weekend will be for cleaning my bathrooms, and my garage.  Once I do that, I think I can show the house if the people who are interested want to see it.  If they don’t I’ll call my neighbor/realtor and talk to her about getting it on the market when I get back from Florida.  Need to set up my appt’s with realtors in Florida too.

Life is calm, it’s good.  Mundane, lol.  It’s so nice.  Had a long conversation with one of my best friends last night, equally split between her life and mine.  It was actually nice not to be the one with major problems, lol.  I remember thinking that when my divorce was final, and I was moved into my house.  Thinking “God it’s so good not to be the one with all the problems for a change!”  LOL.

So, hoping for a mundane day for all of us, lol.  Love and light.

 

 

Florida Calling

Posted on by learning to live like water

Anna Maria

Just as I was heading for bed I got a call last night from another of my high school friends who lives in Florida.  She lives in Daytona.  She’s a riot.  Anyway, she is going to drive across the state, about 3 hours, when I come down to spend time with me and my other friend.  The three of us were all best friends in high school, still are really close.  We’ll be missing a couple of our crowd, but when I get moved down there, we can have an honest reunion with everyone.  The three of us are going to have a blast.  I can’t wait!

I’ll meet with a realtor for part of one day, then hang out with them for the rest of that day and the next.  We’ll go somewhere and listen to the friend who lives there sing, and have a few drinks.  Maybe meet some hot musicians, lol!  I think this trip will do a lot to take me away from the bs that’s been occupying way too much of my headspace, not to mention heartspace, up here.

Like I say, good things are falling into place.

I haven’t heard about how the people liked the pics of my house that were interested.  So I’ll text her today and see what they had to say.

How lucky am I to have close friends I have known for 50 years?  And to have them here that I’ve known for 20, whose kids grew up with mine?  ??!!  It’s awesome.

Feeling very blessed this morning.  Love and light, all.

 

Getting to the Other Side

Posted on by learning to live like water

NewLife

I got so much done on my house yesterday.  I think one more weekend and it will at least be ready for these people who are interested to see it.  My son promises to go at his space today, and it’s by far in the worst space in the house.  I just have the bathrooms and the garage to do.   Even if these people don’t end up buying the house, at least it will be ready to put on the market, pretty much, when I get back from Florida.  I will need to paint the deck, but I don’t think I can do that until the days are longer and warmer.  End of April maybe.  I’m going to hire someone to come in and get the yard in good shape, cut back the shrubs, etc.

I had so much fun talking to my friend in Florida last night. Old friends are so wonderful to have.  I haven’t talked to her, except FB messenger, for a long long time, but we know each other so well, we just pick up where we left off.  I just love her to death.  She’s just one of those people who never allows anything to take her joy of living from her.  I can’t wait to see her.  Having her there, where I want to live will be like instant immersion into that life.

Which will move me at light speed  away from this one, lol.  It’s time, really.  Definitely time.  It’s funny, I have had the plan to move to Florida since before I met S.  The relationship with him did not deter it.  It has always been there.  It could have worked out in many different ways, either for us, or for me.  If he had wanted a relationship, and to retire, we could have shared each other’s homes, had a place to go in the winter in Florida, a place here in New England in the summer.  And kept our independence, both owning a home.  We could have just visited each other. It turns out it became my escape route, from the devastation he wrought on my life for a time.  I’m so glad it’s one dream I never gave up.

I think at times, well he wanted a relationship, just not with me.  But then, did he want one with her, really?  If he did, why did he do what he did, knowing it would kill it.  And if it wasn’t dead, then spending January with me, certainly didn’t help breathe life back into it.  It’s not my problem any longer though.  I look so forward to loving a man who knows what he wants, and who doesn’t engage in self-destructive behaviors constantly.  There is another side of life, and I intend to experience it fully. 🙂

Lovely to have slept a good night’s sleep last night.  Today is supposed to be warm, at least warm enough to go to the cove for lunch.  It’s been so long, I am looking forward to it.

Off for my 2nd cup of coffee…..Love and light, all.

 

Crazy Day, With a Few Demons Thrown In

Posted on by learning to live like water

werid

Kind of a weird day…..

First of all, I had to spend $345 on a new muffler.  My son chastised me because I never wash my car, so the undercarriage never gets washed.  The muffler was rotted out.

None of that would be a reason to chastise me, except that for 30 years my ex and I ran 3 full service car washes.  And I KNOW that it’s true.  Now that I have to actually pay for a car wash…it’s maybe once every 3 or 4 months.  And I hate waiting in line for a car wash, so….I won’t stop if there are more than a couple of cars in line.

Make it past tense…I know better.  I’ll do better.  LOL..  Plus I will move where the roads are not coated with salt and other stuff 4 months out of the year.

Then…I may have written some of this awhile ago.  Can’t remember, not going to go look it up.  Last summer when S disappeared for 4 days, after stopping me from breaking up with him with the excuse he was really sick, he had terrible headaches, he was going for an MRI and a CATscan to make sure he didn’t have a tumor or an aneurysm.  That was on the weekend, and on the following Thursday he disappeared, would not answer my texts, or my calls, or my emails.  I was in a panic, I thought he was maybe laying dead in his house.  I was calling the hospitals to see if he’d been admitted.  Seriously.  Finally, I remembered he’d said he might go to New Jersey to see his mom, but had assumed he wouldn’t with his health issues.  I later found out (if it’s true) that his mother died.  But that doesn’t explain disappearing, not answering my panicked messages.  I asked him in January, when we were talking, if B went with him and that’s why he wouldn’t answer me.  He said, no she didn’t go.  But really, I don’t believe him.  There’s no other reason for him to do what he did.

So once I figured out that must be where he was, I got drunk, to numb the anger and pain he had wrought on my heart and soul and mind.  I wrote a blog called “Comfortably Numb” because that’s what I was seeking, to be comfortably numb.  I searched for a pic on Google using those 2 words, comfortably numb.  Not being a huge Pink Floyd fan, I’d never heard the song, or even of the song.  But when I found it, because the search was full of links to it, perfect, I put the link on the blog.  Pink Floyd is S’s favorite band.

Later, a month or so, he told me I “stole” the song from him.  Wha???  Whatever.  He said it had a lot of meaning for him.  Well it did for me too, when he fucking disappeared after such a heartfelt plea for me not to abandon him.  (Of course, he had B…so it was all a play and who the hell knows how much is true?)  I had downloaded it to my iPhone already.

When we broke up, I deleted it from the playlist.  It was too dark for me, about a junkie getting fix, or whatever junkies call it when someone is sticking a needle in their arm to numb them up.  I kept it on my phone, after all I’d paid for it.  But didn’t want to hear it.

Today, it started playing again.  I went to check to see if it had somehow reappeared on my playlist, and no, it had not.  But it was playing.  It did this about 2 months ago too.  And then it stops and I don’t hear it for months.  Whatever.  Just seems weird.  I half expected to hear from him.

Then, last night I saw a pic of a guy from my hometown, who happened to be my ex’s roommate when he was a freshman in college.  I wasn’t friends with him really, when we were in high school, but became friends when I started seeing my ex.  The pic was with another friend of mine.  So I “liked” it.

Today I got a FB message from him, saying hi, very nice greeting.  Asked about my ex, how to get in touch with him, did we ever get married…LOL.  So I gave him my ex’s number, and said I’m sure he’d love to hear from him.  I hope he calls him.  I called my ex to let him know.  He was happy, and grateful, it was ok to talk with him.  Still wants to tell me how bad things are for him, (as if it’s my fault I think) but I’m used to that.  Nothing is his fault.

That seems to be a main character trait of the men I fall in love with.  Nothing is their fault, really.  Even if they pretend to own it, they really don’t.

So, by the end of the day, I am exhausted, emotionally.  What S did last week, denying me to her again, is sticking in my craw today.  I hope it will go away.  It’s who he is.  He could never stand up and say to her, I may have messed up but I wanted to be with her, for xyz reasons.  Because he did….for God’s sake.  She’s not stupid, she knows that.  But he looks like an ass.

Oh well.  Crazy day.  I hope that Comfortably Numb stops playing.  I hope my old friend calls my ex, it will give him a lift.  And I hope the muffler bill doesn’t spike my credit card bill too much, lol.  And I hope he comes clean with her, but I doubt it.  I’m going to try to wash the feeling of betrayal all over again, out of my system.  At least I know her now, I know she’s not stupid, or mean, I know she knows I cared way too much for him.  I know she doesn’t blame me.  She’s gotta battle her own demons with him.  I have looked mine in the eye, and stared them down.  They know better than to fuck with me again, lol.

 

 

 

 

Looking Good…..

Posted on by learning to live like water

life is good

I’m so excited. I was out with a friend, at a local watering hole this afternoon. We were celebrating her daughter passing her nursing board exams.  It took her six years of school, because she was always working full time, but she did it and found out she passed this morning.

This is an old friend, I have known the daughter since she was 6 years old.  Now she’s 25.  And an RN.  So proud and happy for her.  Her mom, my friend, is also an RN.

But anyway, my friend said she had a friend who was looking to move from her neighborhood in a suburb, out to the town where my friend and I live. She currently lives in a development that has no privacy, no outdoor space for her 6 month old.  She is looking to spend what I want for my house.

My house sounds perfect for her.  3 bdr, 2 1/2 baths, full finished basement, a family neighborhood with lots of kids, (a 2 yr old next door), and she’s looking in my price range.  So my friend is going to tell her about my house.  There might be a chance I could sell it without having to pay a realtor!!!  OMG, that would be so cool.

It’s just a chance, but it’s a chance.  Wow.  Maybe the universe is really working in my behalf!  How awesome is that??!!

Warming me up.  Today was utterly frigid, it was -8°F when I got up at 7 AM.  Wind chills of -25°F. Brrrr.  But that news warmed me right up.  As did the 3 glasses of wine, and a band at the bar that was playing all my  music.  Neil Young, Allman Bros….it was a lot of fun, and fun to see the kids, her daughters,  all grown up.  So happy about that.

I was hoping to get out today, just to get out and get a change of scene.  I’ve been trying to un-stick myself.  It was lovely to get out with an old friend, and have fun, and see the kids and celebrate with them.  And then the added bonus that she may have a buyer for my house!!  Wow….Awesome.

Great day.  Happy.  Excited.   Life is looking good at the moment.  Really good.

 

Florida Dreams

Posted on by learning to live like water

IMG_0787

Sunrise from the town dock

I got my dates to go visit my sis in Florida.  I’m going the week of March 7 and for about a week, which is the longest I’ve ever gone!  I’m very excited about it.  I have a couple of neighborhoods I want to scope out while I’m there.  But balmy breezes, sunrises on the town dock, (the picture above is one I took of one of the more stunning sunrises there), walking the beach of the Gulf of Mexico every morning.  Even the call of the peacocks is beautiful to me.

It will be so cool to live close to my sister.  I have never in my adult life lived close to any of my family.  None of us have, my sisters and I have always been spread out across the country.

The idea of moving is overwhelming though.  To get the house ready to sell, to put it on the market, to figure out how to get all my stuff down there, and my cat, and then I’ll have to store it until I find the house I want.  The logistics of giving notice at work, to coincide with closing on my house when it sells, and moving into a temporary place while I look for somewhere permanent.  I will be unsettled for awhile.

But with the beach close, I should be able to stay grounded, lol.

I will also miss my friends so much.  That’s the hardest thing to leave, is the wonderful people I have here.  I’ve lived in the same small town since 1978. My son has spent all 23 of his years here.  I think all of my friends are parents of kids he hung out with, played baseball or hockey with.  The blessing is though, I know they will all come to see me, and I know I can come up here and stay with them.  I’ll like that.

I was driving home one night thinking, “It will be a long time down there, before you can drive around knowing exactly where you are without even thinking about it.”  But that’s ok, I know I’ll have the path to the beach memorized soon enough when I get settled!

What I’m looking forward to the most is not working.  Getting up and writing until I’m done, making jewelry, maybe learning something new. I hope I can find a house with a space for me to be creative, because even though I am very right-brained as it is, I intend for that part of my brain to run free when I don’t have to work!!  You never know what might come out of it.

I hope I can find a spiritual community.  I know the gong baths will be probably non-existent, but if I can find a meditation group, maybe even one that has sound healing, that will ease the moving stress.

Time for me to go check flights!  Have a good day, everyone.  Love and light.IMG_0787

All in a Day’s Work

Posted on by learning to live like water

Back to work…which went just about as I thought it would.  1001 emails, literally. And really, only 1001 because a co-worker waded through some of the junk for me.  Piles of papers all over my desk, each person left their own pile, lol.  Crazy, but I tread water all day, and stayed above the surface.

However, with the perfect timing only the universe can achieve, I walked into the office and had not even made it to my desk when my son called to tell me something happened to the AC, and water was spraying around the basement.  He shut it off, but it still sprayed so he shut off the furnace.

Let me add that the temperature was 95° F today.

It seemed to be a return line on a pump for the central air that a fitting broke on.  I called the furnace people, since the pump said it was for use on furnaces.  Made no sense to me.  But I scheduled them to come out tomorrow morning.  For a $100 diagnostic fee and then the cost of repair.  I’m thinking $300. And no AC tonight, meaning I probably would get very little sleep.

Then I texted my best friends husband and asked him what he thought it would cost me.  He said $140 plus labor.  But that he thought he had the fitting, and would come over tonight and see if it was the right one.  So….when I got home at 7:45 he came over and it took him less than 10 minutes to save me $300.

That’s a good friend.  This man is like a brother to me.  He’s fixed my snowblower twice, he came over with a chainsaw after a storm and cut out my broken shrubs. This is why I say I am blessed.  I have loving family, and loving friends that treat me like family.

At the end of the day, my house is cooling down.  All in a day’s work.

Beach Day

Posted on by learning to live like water

Rocky Neck Beach, Niantic CT

The day was hot, my car said 87.  We got to the beach about 10:30.  There was a light breeze off the water, and it was slightly humid and hazy.  We could make out Plum Island in the haze.  (If you ever saw “Silence of the Lambs”, at the end they made an offer to Hannibal the Cannibal to live out his life on Plum Island.  They used to do testing on very very dangerous animal diseases, like Anthrax, etc. there, but I believe it’s closed.  They still don’t allow anyone on the island.  It’s widely believed that’s where Lyme Disease came from.  It is directly across Long Island Sound from Old Lyme, CT, where the disease in humans was first diagnosed.  Just a bit of local information.)

I watched the boats plying the water and wistfully remembered my old life, all the years I was out there on a day like this. But the next best thing is to be sitting on the beach, smelling the salt air, letting the negative ions do their thing.  We talked, ate, walked, rested, read.  It was just a lovely relaxing day.

I had a short texting conversation with A before I went to the beach.  I wanted to make sure we were on the same page and he understood that there were 1000’s of miles between us, which would always remain. So we were good friends, close friends, but that chances are we would both meet someone else. He agreed completely and said he hoped I would find someone who would “adore me”.  Sweet man.

I didn’t hear from S today at all, but did hear from him Friday night.  We first texted, then we talked on the phone.  It was a nice conversation.  He updated me on his health. He made me laugh, I will always appreciate that about him.  He has an offbeat sense of humor that just tickles my funnybone.  We texted a little yesterday before I went on the boat.  I didn’t get in touch with him when I came home last night.  I was just tired from the day, being on the water always makes me sleepy.  He texted me at about 11, wondering if I was angry.  Which made no sense to me, but no, I said, I wasn’t angry, I was just sleeping.  That conversation ended rather badly, because I brought up the 4 day silence I got last week.  I have not heard from him since, even though I apologized this morning for being bitchy, but saying I was also still working through that anger. I think it’s understandable.  Maybe he’s just giving me space to work it out, I don’t know.  Maybe he’s angry.  Whatever it is, I am not worrying about it.

There are many things about him I love (like the way he makes me laugh) but I have no interest in continuing our relationship as it was.  So it’s all good.

It has been a lovely weekend, by the water, all weekend. The thought runs through my mind occasionally that I so hoped I’d be doing these things with S, but I’m doing them, and that’s a good thing. There are no expectations now, no hopes, no dreams, only the present moment, and I am good with it, as it is, whatever it is.  There’s no pain that way either.

Friendship

Posted on by learning to live like water

Friends are flowers in the garden of life.

Thank God for good friends. It is such a joy and relief to be with people, male or female, whose company is just pleasant.  Laughing, talking, planning, discussing.  No games, no pushing, no pulling.  I am so blessed to have lived in this small town all my adult life, and have friends who have been friends for decades.  We know each other’s stories.  We share our histories.  It’s a blessing that I will miss when I move to Florida. But I know they will visit me often in the winter.  And I will visit them in the summer.  We will never lose each other.

I’m going to the beach today with the friend who took me to her boat yesterday, and 2 more.  I should be cleaning my house, LOL.  But I feel like I deserve to spend this beautiful day at the beach with my friends.  We’ll talk, go in the water, get a tan, read our books, eat our snacks….and make another memory together.

I love men, but I couldn’t live without my girlfriends companionship.  Blessed, just blessed.