Category Archives: personal musings

Saturday

Posted on by learning to live like water

PHEW. I made it through the day….

No, S did not show up here unannounced, just thought I’d clarify that at the beginning, lol. In fact, tonight I have my doubts that he even reads this blog any longer. The gongs, the gongs always set me straight. I don’t know anything for a fact, and I, at least for tonight, don’t give a shit.

After I stopped writing like an obsessed madwoman this morning, I did a couple things around the house, and then headed out to paint the deck. It was about 11. It was about 90°. I painted for an hour. Beads of sweat pouring into my eyes. The deck is on the backside of my house, southern exposure, no protection from the sun. I got a huge glass of water, and sat at the table on the deck, with the umbrella opened up, and drank it. I could feel my heart just pounding.

I went inside, where I had the air conditioning on, reluctantly, because it’s so expensive to run, but it was a lovely 75° in there. I sat down, I could still feel my heart pounding, so I checked my heartrate on that app that’s on the phone. It was 91. Seemed a little high, but I’d been working and only stopped for about 10 minutes. I checked it a couple more times, it was still high. It was slightly worrisome to me, because when I went to the dr yesterday my blood pressure was pretty high for me. Normally, my bp is low.

Anyway, I decided that it would be too hot to paint until the sun went to the other side of the house, around 3. So I showered, and then checked my heartrate again, and it was still 91. Then I decided to do a nice long meditation. Still 91. I went to the store.

At the store I ran into my old next door neighbor and talked for about a half hour in front of the paper towels. I don’t know how the women in this town would keep up with each other if we didn’t have the grocery store! LOL.

Anyway, when I got home I felt relaxed. Checked it again, it was down to 78. Finally. It’s normally 72 when I’m at rest.

So by then it was 3:30, time to start painting again. Which I did, .in the shade now. I got the railings all painted by 6 pm. That was enough for today!.

When I came in I was starving, so made myself nice dinner. A kale salad from my mini-garden on the deck, with strawberries and goat cheese. A bratwurst and a piece of quiche. It was really the only meal I had all day. It really tasted good. I had washed my hands for about 20 minutes to get all the paint off, but as I was eating I realized how much paint I had on my arms and legs, lol. Back to the shower after dinner.

Then I went to my spare bedroom, to get a summer nightgown because I haven’t switched my clothes around. Last week I was still in fleece jammies, and this week summer nightgowns. I had closed the door to the spare bedroom, to keep from having to air condition it. So I go to open the door and it was locked!!!! Yikes!!! I had no idea how to unlock it. Who the hell would have locked it? One of the people looking at the house? Maybe my friend locked it last weekend when she stayed in that room.

Anyway there was a little tiny hole in the doorknob. I went and got a nail, thank God I had one, and stuck it in the hole, and eventually managed to get it unlocked.

Enough for today, lol. I sat down here and started writing, and watching my favorite show Outlander. Such a great show.

My friend texted me from Florida, she’s going to go check on my house tomorrow. And take care of the ants.

Blessed, just blessed. Overall, life is unfolding as it should. Ants, locked bedroom doors and all.

Love and light, all

Friday Morning Musings

Posted on by learning to live like water

the tree

I did my morning meditation on grounding myself today, because I woke up scattered. I was so exhausted when I went to bed last night. Work has been so exhausting this week, spending the days training someone to do my job. She is so overwhelmed, I worry that she will ease into the job. And then to add to the stress, someone didn’t show up for work yesterday, and they pulled me off of my job and training to do this other person’s urgent work. I was a little angry about it, that they rely so heavily on me, and haven’t trained others in the office to do the work. I got through it, but I was definitely stressed. Then I came home and had to get the house ready for a showing today. I finally sat down about 9. And didn’t sleep well, and forgot to plug my phone in to charge. The stress showed in my glucose readings this morning. First morning since I stopped the one med that my readings were high.

Hence, the grounding meditation this morning.

When I opened my eyes from the meditation, it was such a beautiful morning. Bird singing, warm enough to be sitting outside at 6 am with a summer nightgown on. I so love this time of year. I felt more rested after the meditation. When I started I could feel my face muscles so tight, my brow furled. It seems to have unwound.

Last night I thought I felt S’s energy for the first time in 2 weeks. Not sure if it was, or if it was just that it’s been 2 ½ weeks since I’ve heard from him, so I’m kind of used to that cycle, and thinking of him. I’m so grateful that he’s been silent though. It has allowed me to unwind, to let go, to stop the hurt that any contact from him stirs up. I wish I could say that it doesn’t still hurt, but it does, I think it may always hurt to have been betrayed so vilely. To have my intimacy with him shared with another, as if it were a public document. To have him tell her lies and then have to listen to her repeat them to me, as if I should believe them, as if I were not part of the equation of my relationship with him, and she was. While he sits back orchestrating the ginormous deceit of her with the lies, and attacking me as if I did something to him besides love him with every fiber of my being.

So I hope he stays silent, and stays away. I will always love him, but I can’t have him anywhere near me, he only brings pain to my life. Maybe some day I’ll think of only the good times, but I think that will be a long ways down the road. If he still reads this blog and reads this, I hope he will respect what I’m saying.

So, I’m working my way back to myself this morning. The good thing is that I have gongs tonight, and they always bring me back. I am always able to get some clarity when the room fills with the sound and vibration of the 8 gongs, and the crystal bowls, and the drums, and the bells. It is such lovely way to end a difficult week. Blessed, totally, to have them in my life.

Off to get ready for one more day on the job, and then a 3 day weekend to welcome in summer, with get together at my bff’s, and painting my deck. Maybe go shopping on Monday. Next weekend I’m off to Virginia, to see my family. Which is such a wonderful way to begin the summer.

Love and light.

Moving to Avalon

Posted on by learning to live like water

Oh man, I’m living risky tonight. My stomach has been better for a couple of days now. Except for the first thing in the am, I feel fine all day. Though, I’ve been careful what I eat,and I’m still taking the prescription med. But tonight I felt like a drink. So, I lived dangerously. I bought a bottle of Kraken dark spiced rum, it was on sale. My son yelled at me, it’s 100 proof…..I poured one drink which I didn’t finish. So far my stomach has not rebelled but we’ll see tomorrow.

I haven’t had a drink in about 6 weeks. Just feeling it tonight. It was a beautiful day. My son was home from work the same time as I was and it was warm enough to sit out on the deck. I opened the umbrella on the table and declared, for the first time this year, “the deck is open.” I spend a lot of time out there when the weather is warm. It wasn’t hot today, but warm enough to sit outside without a coat, and just talk to my son for awhile. God, I love that kid. Just love sitting and having just a relaxed convo with him.

But alas, it got chilly as the full moon rose, and we came inside to eat dinner. Put hockey on tv, and he got me all up-to-date on the Stanley Cup playoffs. Tampa Bay is in the eastern conference finals, so I said, I guess I should start cheering for them, shouldn’t I? Their arena is maybe a haI lf hour, 40 min, from my Fl house.

My friend the blues singer/artist said the Mangia Cafe was packed last night. She and her friend both sang and killed it. I told her I have a new Beth Hart song I want to hear her sing when I get there. “Hold Me Through The Night.” Maybe I’ll put a link up at the end of the blog. I’ll see how I feel.

Since I started writing Haiku I’ve been getting a ton of views and likes! Had my 2 best days for likes on WP two days ago and today again. I love that so many people are liking and relating to what I have to say. Very satisfying. Today someone was reading a TON of old blogs. Stuff from a year ago, when suddenly S was pushing me away, because unknown to me, Betty wanted back in his life. God I was in so much pain, and he knew it, he read every word I wrote, and he just let me suffer. Such a narcissist. Just unbelievable that he got off on my pain, and did nothing to put an end to it. I started to read them, the old blogs, but they triggered me too. I don’t want to remember how that felt. I am almost inclined to delete them, but that’s stupid too. They happened, it’s a snapshot in time. I was decent, honorable, loving…I have nothing to be ashamed of. So many times I tried to break up. So many. And he always pulled me back, every single time, until I was about to show up on his doorstep in tandem with her.

I always wonder who is reading all that old stuff. I imagine it’s S or B, but I don’t think S would want to re-read the pain he caused me. Would go against his grain to read and absorb the pain he put me through. And B…I think she knows all she needs to know. Why she would read more I don’t know. Only if S was trying to hit her up again and she wanted to remember what he actually did to her. Which is highly possible. He hates to be alone and he had no success getting me to engage with him on his terms. He bounced from her, when she told him no, to me to try to get me in his sights again, and then when he couldn’t, is probably bouncing back to her, trying to get her to believe he’s changed.

Not a chance in hell he has changed. He’s just lonely and horny.

I will be so glad to be so far away from his bouncing, push pull game. It’s nauseating, really.

I recently downloaded the song Avalon by Van Morrison on to my phone. I love that song. I had to look up Avalon to find out it was a mythical place where King Arthur went to heal his wounds. An island. Maybe the holy grail is there. Anyway, I read it and every time I listen to the song, I think, I’m going to name my Florida house Avalon. Put a little sign outside the door. A place of new beginnings, since the house address is an 11 and that’s kind of the story of Avalon, new beginnings, and a place of healing. That’s what it represents to me. So, I think it might be a good name. Instead of Beth Hart’s song, maybe I’ll put up Van Morrison’s Avalon tonight. You can tell me if it’s a good idea or not, to name my little bungalow a mile from the beach Avalon.

Wish me luck with my house showing tomorrow. I need to be moving soon.

Love and light….. (lyrics under the link)

Avalon of the heart
On down by Avalon
Gonna make a brand new start

Oh the Holy Grail
Baby behind the sun
Oh the Holy Grail
Down by Avalon

Well I came upon
The enchanted vale
Down by the viaducts of my dreams
Down by Camelot, hangs the tale
In the ancient vale

Oh the Avalon sunset
Avalon of the heart
Me and my lady
Goin’ down by Avalon

Well I came upon
The enchanted vale
Down by the viaducts of my dreams
Near Camelot, hangs the tale
Of the enchanted vale

In the upper room
There the cup does stand
In the upper room
Down by Avalon

Goin’ down by Avalon
Oh my Avalon of the heart
Goin’ down by Avalon
Gonna make a brand new start

Oh down by Avalon
Oh baby behind the sun
Goin’ down by Avalon
Well the journey’s just begun

Oh down by Avalon
Sweet Avalon of the heart
Goin’ down by Avalon
Gonna make a brand new start

The Weekend in Retrospect

Posted on by learning to live like water

It was an interesting day today. First of all, I was falling asleep on the couch all afternoon. I’ve been sleeping well too. But I think that emotionally, I got very relaxed having my old friend here for a few days. Just to hang out with someone who has known me my whole life. No pretense, no trying to one-up each other, no getting to know each other. Just catching up, reminiscing, just being myself, as I always was. It was just calming. Like being with family. She and I saw the Beatles together, we played in orchestra together, we sang together. And now, we share a lot of the same spiritual beliefs, though she is a lay minister and thus more religious than me, her religious beliefs tend to point her in the same direction that my beliefs lie.

It was just what I needed. The week had been a pretty emotional one for me, and I hadn’t felt well. I still have this stomach issue, but hopefully will find something out in the next day or two from the labs I had done.

I’ll be going to my sisters in about 3 weeks, to her VA home. We are having a memorial for my mother, and burying her remains next to my father. All the kids will be coming, and I’m so excited to see them all together, excited for my son to reconnect with his cousins. It’s my mother’s birthday while we are there, so it will be good to be all together. I miss her so much. But more than that I am so grateful for her continued presence in my life, manifesting in the ability to love unconditionally. And forgive. So grateful that I am able to do that.

I went on the dating site again this afternoon for laughs, really. Just for some male energy in my life. And I was bored and way too tired to be productive. I got hit up by 2 scammers, lol, and another guy who wasn’t a scammer but had some really out there ideas of what made sex meaningful. LOL. I didn’t talk to him too long, but it was fun. Funny. I take none of it seriously. Oh and one more from Manhattan, that wanted to make plans to meet, lol. Yeah, sure, I think I’ll just do that. Manhattan is about 115 miles from here. We’ll meet at Starbucks, lol. Coffee at 50 miles….

It cracks me up. These scammers obviously have someone write a profile that is in normal English, then when you chat with them, they can’t spell, or use proper syntax. Such a dead giveaway. One scammer, when I asked him what he did for a living, he said he was a “general commander of the armed forces in Afghanistan.” who was retiring in a few weeks, so wanted to find a woman to spend the rest of his life with. LMAO!!!! I said, “Ok, commander, you’ll have to find another victim.”

But it was fun to talk to a man. I assume they are men, lol. Maybe not. This site has been sending bi-women to me every once in a while. I have my parameters solidly set for men. I guess they are maybe running out of eligible men. The guy with the outlandish sexual ideas thought that group sex might be fun. But wasn’t interested in “meaningless” sex. LOL. I told him that group sex seemed to me to be meaningless, lol. He said, well, people enjoy it. I explained that enjoying it and finding meaning in it was not the same thing. That the guy I was seeing for 18 months surely enjoyed doing both his gf and I, but when we found out it became meaningless to us both. Sadly. Very sadly, for me. (Probably for B also, but I can’t speak for her, it’s not my story to tell.) It is what it is.

Anyway…I said, C Ya in short order. I am pretty sure the internet does not have my next passionate love in the wings. I’m just window shopping, lol.

Life is good. I miss S at times, but work through it. I know what’s best for me, and that’s to be 1500 miles away, in my little Florida bungalow, biking to the beach.

My son is taking over my family room, so he and his friends can watch Game of Thrones on the big TV in HD.  LOL.  I will have to go to bed, because despite his attempts to explain it to me, I cannot comprehend what is going on with it.  I must just be too old.

Love and light, all.

Saturday

Posted on by learning to live like water

musings

Whew! I slept 7 hours, feeling better this morning.

Until I realized that my lawn needs mowing, and my son was off yesterday and could have done it but I didn’t even think to tell him. Of course, he doesn’t think of things like that, on his own, ever. He’s working all weekend, so I guess it’s up to me to get it done.

And of course, I’ve been wasting time, sitting here all morning, perusing the dating site for kicks. Wasting time because there’s no one there, lol, and I’m moving so what would be the point? I guess I just wanted to play “imagine that” because I miss male energy in my life. Pretty pathetic.

And then reading, on my WP reader. Which is way more productive and interesting than a bunch of pictures of men I don’t know, probably half of whom are scammers, lol. I have had so little time to read blogs in the last couple of weeks. Work, write, go to bed. Repeat. That’s been my life. And clean the house.

Which I have to do again today.

It’s a little frustrating to be keeping the house “show ready” and have no showings. And scary. I’ve been on the market a week, and no one’s come to see it. I emailed the realtor, asking if I should be concerned. But then again, I don’t want to sell it quickly and be closing in the middle of June, but need some showings, just to keep my spirits up.

I guess I wrote the Scott stuff out of my systems last night. Today I don’t give a shit. LOL. Good. Glad. Not missing the misery he brings with him everywhere he goes. I was just tired last night. It’s easy to revert to old behaviors and feelings when you’re exhausted.

Haven’t decided if I’m going to my friends bonfire tonight. I can’t drink. Even though my stomach thing seems better this morning, I would not take a chance of drinking and killing off all the bacteria in my stomach again. Plus there is this cold kind of feeling hanging around the edges of my health. Not a cold but it wouldn’t take much to become one. I guess I’ll figure it out when I’m done with the lawn. And cleaning the house. And maybe running to the dump. If I go, I’ll have to make some food to take. So will need to add that to my list.

I think I’ll be tired, again….

Might be better off calling my friend in Florida and catching up with her. Or Montana. Or Iowa. Sitting in my jammies and relaxing.

I can’t wait to be sitting on my deck in Florida (or here for that matter) writing, feeling the warm breezes. Smelling the salt air. And be done with all this stress of buying and selling and moving. Back to just living. Creating. Dreaming the good dream.

In proof-reading this blog, I wonder why I feel compelled to chronicle my life here.  I mean really?  It’s not like anyone needs to know how I will spend my Saturday, lol.  I think it’s just a way of organizing my life, and then making myself accountable, because if I write it here, I feel more of an obligation to actually get done what I say I will.

I guess I should go get dressed, get this day underway. Get a little closer to Florida.  The picture at the top is because I am….still…a hippie, (despite someone saying I was not, because I didn’t “live the life” on his terms) and because sunflowers are my favorite flower.

Love and light.

Early Morning Thoughts

Posted on by learning to live like water

Back to work today.  It will be a long 3 days this week, catching up.  And trying to deal with the house in FL.  Not sure if my sis will buy it or loan me the money.  I would guess buy it, and just flip it to me.  She and my brother-in-law both think it’s a great buy, a perfect place for me.  And I have to agree.  I can’t imagine getting to the beach anytime I want, which will be every day, LOL.

My son and I sat and talked a lot last night, about the house, the move, his job, his plans, my plans.  It was really good.  He’s such a great kid, I’m so proud of him.  He had a party here Saturday night, and showed me video, it wasn’t a ton of people, but he is learning to mix music, and had some cool lights down in his space.  And the best thing was that most of them spent the night here and then did a wonderful job of cleaning the house up.  It was cleaner than I left it!  I didn’t look at the basement, but he said I wouldn’t recognize it, that one of the girls spent hours down there Sunday cleaning it!.

Maybe I’ll hire them, lol.  I have to get all the many windows washed, and fix my dang fireplace, and get the deck painted.  And I need a new ceiling fixture for the light in the kitchen.  But that’s not really all that much, it’s all doable.

Back to the daily grind for now though.  Moving on down the road.  Life is good.

Love and light, all.

Flying Home

Posted on by learning to live like water

Sunset

I woke unsettled on my last morning here.  My plane leaves at 10:45.  I am usually unsettled when I travel, so I’m not surprised.  I think there’s something just non-sensical about flying from Sarasota FL to Chicago IL to Hartford CT in 7 hours in a large heavy metal container with 300 other people.  I don’t understand the physics of it, but I accept that they are.  Yet, I think somewhere deep inside, there is a primal scream, lol, saying “It’s not possible!!”

That being said, I have learned to sleep on a plane quite easily, or read, and I don’t get nervous.  I know there is a logical reason.

I once had to fly from Connecticut to Texas, to the funeral of my beautiful niece, who was killed in a car accident while visiting Australia.  She was 24.  Brilliant, valedictorian of her class, spiritual, funny, OMG, so funny.  And beautiful.  She was the star of our family, the 2nd of my younger sister’s 5 children. She was, without a doubt, an old soul.  We all knew it, her wisdom was far beyond her years.

I flew by myself to Chicago, where I met up with my older sister, brother-in-law and my mother, and we flew together to Dallas.  On the first leg, I don’t know if I’ve ever been so sad in my life.  My marriage was breaking up, I was broke, (my older sis paid my plane fare),  and now I had to face saying goodbye to one of the really most beautiful people I’d ever had in my life.  We had a special bond, she and I.  Everyone remarked on it.

So, I was looking out the window of the plane.  We  flew above clouds that whole trip, so it was blue sky above, and white clouds below.  Staring out the window, thinking, trying not to cry the whole time. Wondering why this had to happen, why we had to lose her when everything else was already falling apart.  Suddenly I saw the shadow of the plane, perfectly, on the clouds.  And then I realized the shadow had a rainbow aura all the way around it.  It followed us all the way to Chicago, for 1100 miles.

It was one of those signs.  I was suddenly not alone, and there was promise.  I think now, it was my niece’s way of comforting me, of helping me to get through that sad lonely flight.  It was a sign that she was ok, she was around.

I’ve had many times that I’ve felt her energy around me since.  Many unique experiences that have let me know she is close by.

I don’t know why I went here this morning, except I am flying to Chicago to get home, which makes no sense to me, but it’s no different than flying to Detroit, to get home on another trip.  So far out of the way, but it’s how they do things in that crazy business.

Today I’m flying back to my present life, while I’ve spent the last week beginning to prepare for the future in a big way.  I think I’ll be glad to be back to my routine.  I’ll be glad to see my son, my cat, sleep in my own bed.  I’m going to have to continue the work I’ve done down here in preparing for a move.

The realtor has not gotten back to me since Sunday, I’ve left voicemail, email, and texts with her.  She was getting back to me within minutes up until Sunday night when I had some questions about the way a contract needed to be written.  Not sure what’s up with that, but if I don’t hear from her today, I’ll call the listing agent on the house, and cut her out of the loop.  I’ll meet with my realtor at home next week, finish getting the house ready to put on the market, get the pictures taken, get it listed by the end of the month.

I do know if the house I like doesn’t become mine, it’s because the Universe has something better in mind for me. Just staying in the flow, taking one thing at a time as it presents itself.  Looking at the entire process at once can terrify me, it seems like such a huge undertaking for a single 65 year old woman.

My thoughts of S are far from where they were at the beach yesterday.  I’m not feeling badly about him at the moment, just not feeling much at all.  He still can get on my mind, but I think that the walk on the beach was very instrumental in the letting go process.  Not feeling an attachment at the moment, and that’s a good thing.  Making room for new things, letting go of those things which don’t bring me any happiness, or add to my life in any way except negatively.

My sis and I drove down at the last minute last night to see the sunset over the Gulf of Mexico.  There apparently wasn’t one, lol.  There were clouds all through the horizon, covering the sun on it’s way west.  But still I got the picture above, which was kind of mystically cool, as it was hazy, and tinted light pink anyway.  I think the ocean is just good subject matter, lol.  It is such a metaphor for our emotions. I hope you all enjoy it.

Life is good.  I’ll be back tonight, from the comfort of my family room at home.

Love and light, all.

On Being Half-Dead

Posted on by learning to live like water

Burial Cost

This poster was hanging from the ceiling of the bar I went to Friday night.  It’s kind of a western themed bar/cafe.  This sign tickled me, lol.  I took a picture, but I’m sorry about the quality.  I had to zoom in to make it legible, and it lost a lot of definition in doing that.

It made me think about how people walk around so unaware of the beauty and possibilities that life has.  If you’re walking around half-dead, then you can choose to be buried, quite inexpensively!  Or, you can choose to breathe in life, and rise.  There is always another choice.  As long as we breathe, there is another possibility.

There are thousands of them actually.

How do we choose?  It’s so easy to make the wrong decision, and end up far from where we want to be.

I think first, you have to believe that inside of you, and every sentient being, there is a center, connected to the One Thing, borne of the unconditional love of the universe.  Even if you don’t feel it at the moment, believe it is there.  That’s the  beginning.

And then, trust your gut.  Trust your third eye.  Trust your intuition.  Trust the way a choice makes you feel.  Don’t think about it, FEEL it.  Feel what is right for you.  And trust that.  It may seem harder.  It may seem unreasonable.  It may seem stupid.

People asked me why I would even want to talk to S, let alone be with him after what he did, last summer and fall.  But I trusted my gut.  There was something else I needed to know, to learn from one last go-round with him.

I don’t regret it.  I learned what I needed to.  And it allowed me to have clarity and let go.

I am trusting my gut on this move to Florida.  I am terrified, if I think about it.  Overwhelmed.  The logistics alone, of getting the house ready for sale, selling it, retiring, getting my house packed up and moving to a new place where I know 3 people well, 1500 miles from the place where I am comfortable every day of my life, all by myself?  It seems crazy.

I trust my gut, that it is absolutely the right thing for me to do. And I move ahead.

I got through my long contentious divorce, trusting my gut, going with the flow.  It’s how I freed my son, just listening to that inner voice.  Making choices that absolutely freaked my attorney out, and proved to be the exact right thing to do.

Sometimes, it requires stillness.  Sometimes you need to sit somewhere, and just clear your head and let the energy of the Universe fill you, and guide you.  Giving yourself a few minutes of stillness every day can give you the space to just know.

If you make a mistake, so what?  There is always a way back, or another path you can choose to get where you want to be.  If you know where it is you really want to be.

Sometimes we think want to be with a specific person, that we won’t be happy unless we are.  We make a mistake that sends that person packing, never to be seen again. Is that cause to lay down and die?  To spring for the $22.95 and get ourselves buried?

What did we really want?  What were we expecting to feel when we were with them?  Can we just realize that what we wanted them to fulfill in us, can be fulfilled in another way?  By ourselves, by our passions, or by finding someone else?  Was the mistake that we made a mistake?  Or just, a lesson, a signpost to point us in another direction, towards more personal fulfillment?

Thousands of choices. Every step is a choice.  If you run into a wall, change your course.  Find a way around it. Even the great wall of China has a beginning and an end.

Why waste a lifetime walking around half-dead?

 

Saturday Morning Musings

Posted on by learning to live like water

I answered the man who sent me the nice message yesterday.  It will be interesting to see where that goes, if anywhere.  I hope he’s not boring.  That is the kiss of death with me, lol.  I suppose people might think, don’t you want someone who’s boring, I mean, haven’t I had enough of men who aren’t?  Well, no, I believe for some reason that there are men who aren’t boring, who can love passionately too.  I have some hope, he paints, so the fact that he is creative usually speaks to whether or not he’s boring.  He seemed sincere anyway.

I was thinking yesterday about the last time I went to Florida, last June, to see my mother. I was so angry that S suddenly decided not to go with me, after finding cheap fares, and car rental, etc.  It was a no-brainer, to stay for free at my sister’s beautiful home 2 blocks from the ocean. We’d have had the place to ourselves, because my sister and brother-in-law weren’t there then.  Suddenly he had a huge change of heart, of course, because B was back in his life and he couldn’t be honest and tell me.  I was angry about it for half the summer.

Now, I’m SO GLAD that he didn’t.  Now I don’t have any memories of him there with me.  There is nothing that will be tainted with a memory of him.  Funny how the Universe works that way.  It was doing me a huge favor, which I couldn’t see til now.

I’m pretty excited to think about seeing a sunset over the Gulf on Wednesday evening.  Long term forecast is perfect for down there.

B is still showing up on my FB list of people available to chat.  Though it never shows her available.  I guess that we are friends energetically, lol.  I hope she’s well.  I hope she’s not been sucked in again by him.

Lots to do this weekend, so I guess I’d better get started, lol. Love and light, and laughter, everyone.

 

A Little Twilight-Zone-ish

Posted on by learning to live like water

twilight zone

Do I live in the twilight zone?  I mean, really.  The ex-(last I heard she was an ex but I’m completely out of the loop so maybe not) girlfriend continues to show up on my FB page, under the list of friends who are on line, or were recently.  There is no indication of her being online or that she was recently.  But her name and profile pic show in the list.

But we are not FB friends, never have been.  We messaged for a short time, when she asked for my email address (because he took the letter out of her mailbox that had my contact info in it).  I sent her a friend request when we first contacted.

I deleted the convo, and cancelled the request, since it was still just sitting there.  It was not because I don’t like her, I actually do, I think she is nice, and kind, and gracious, and has been beat up by this man beyond compare emotionally. (Even more than me, if that’s possible.  Although I run a very close second.)  But at first her profile picture on my list of friends just kind of freaked me out,  and reminded me of things I’d rather forget.  Now, Idk, I guess because she’s still showing up and there’s nothing I can do about it, I’ll just think of her as a friend, energetically.  We were both f’d over by the same man, we have an awful lot in common.  Perhaps it’s the universe’s way of telling me something.

If she is with him, or considering it, I wish her well, and hope he learned his lesson and doesn’t break her heart again.

Who knows?

I am looking quite forward to going out tonight.  Then working on the house this weekend.  And getting my summer clothes ready for Florida next week.  🙂 Life is good, still.  Always.

Love and light, all.