Day Didn’t Turn Out As Was Expected, But Still, It Was Good

Posted on by learning to live like water

I put together my leaf blower today, fully intending to begin the work on my yard and deck. But then, my friend who has no car asked me to pick her up from the dr after my therapy appointment. She’s really sick, has been for a week, so I was happy to do so. Then my other friend has a terrible toothache, and was headed for the dentist today when her car overheated, she had to go back home. She needed me to pick up some prescriptions from the dr. who does the therapy. No problem. I took them to her, we dropped them off to get filled and went to pick up the friend at the dr. When she got in the car, she told us she was supposed to go get bloodwork done, so we drove across town to the lab and it was closed. Then I took her to pick up her prescriptions, which supposedly had been called in but hadn’t.

So, I played taxi service for my friends, which I don’t mind, honestly. I can’t imagine functioning without a car, especially when you are sick. I love them both dearly. I wouldn’t know anyone in town if it weren’t for them. But needless to say, I didn’t get the yard blown. All I did is put the leaf blower together.

I’d like to go see the keyboard player tomorrow. I don’t know if I can find anyone to go with me though. If not, he’ll be at the artwalk Friday night, and I’ll definitely go see him then. It will be easier to talk to him, because he shows his paintings at a booth there. It’s actually where I first talked to him, as he explained to me how he creates. It’s pretty cool. I may even buy one of his paintings.

I heard from Tom last night. He said he’d been taking a break, that his life had gotten a little stressful. He said he’d have to tell me sometime. I said, “I’d like that, a deeper conversation than mermaids, fishing and Buffett. Take care of yourself, contact me when you can.” But….. I know he’s been on the site, you can see when someone is online or not. He’s been on, just most likely talking to a bunch of other women. I have not liked that he answers no question I ask him about himself. Like, he’s a Sagittarius, so I asked, did you just have a birthday? Because he must have. He ignored it, but sent some sweet, cute message to deflect it.

Now I’m thinking how much this guy is like S. Even though he’s sweeter about it, classier, he does the same thing. I’d ask S a question, and he’d answer, “What are you, writing a book.” (Yes, I was, lol. Or a blog.) Tom just ignores it because we are not talking, we are messaging. And Tom disappears for days, just like S did. And offers up similar excuses.

I’m like um, noooooo. I don’t think I want to go there again. He’s got a girlfriend or friends, lol. I am one of many women he’s talking to. He says he doesn’t like to share his mermaid. I said, I don’t like to share my fisherman. Funny, S was a fisherman too. Is Neptune trying to tell me to steer clear of men who fish? He’s cute, sexy, sweet. I’ll keep talking to him to amuse myself. But take him seriously? Um, no.

No problem. I am also messaging with a couple other men, one of whom really seems like a possibility. Very nice, interested. Maybe….who knows. Another guy messaged me this morning, a very nice message, telling me how much he liked my pictures. He didn’t have a pic on his profile, so normally I just ignore those. But he said there was a good reason, and he’d send me one. So I gave him an email address that doesn’t have my name in it, and he sent his pic. I felt bad, he’s totally not my type, I totally don’t feel any chemistry. I told him he looks like a really nice guy. He asked what that meant. UGH, I don’t want to have to go there. So I told him I just didn’t feel any physical chemistry, but that I thought we could have fun together as friends, with no expectations. Haven’t heard back, I hope he just leaves it be.

I’m just having fun with it. Learning my lessons, but at a very relaxed place.

Maybe I can get some work done in the yard tomorrow. And maybe go take a walk on the beach. I’m having my windows inspected tomorrow. Once that’s done, I can at least take the labels off of them.

I’d like to get most of the work done this week, because my two best friends from high school are coming here next Thursday. That will be a blast. Going to take them to open mic night. That should be a blast.

Pretty laid back schedule. Life is still amazing. Today was a shorts and flip-flop day. Blows my mind to be in shorts on Jan. 3.

Love and light….

Night Comes

Posted on by learning to live like water

Night seeps through the house,
Like high tide in the great marsh.
It breathes deeply,
And sighs,
And wraps me in it’s darkness.

Tonight, it’s a friend to me.
Soothing my vision
Smoothing the sharp edges of my brow,
Furled as I watch thoughts
Ebb and flow in my mind.

There is peace in the darkness.
Peace in the moist wind off the gulf.
Peace in the crescent moon
Hanging delicately above,
Venus and Mars it’s sentinels.

Time does not stop this night,
Because it does not exist
Here on the edge of eternity
In the darkness.
Alone with my thoughts.

Peace.

Dating, Continued

Posted on by learning to live like water

The dating games continue. I am sometimes aghast at the arrogance and stupidity of some people. I can only talk about the men, because obviously I don’t see the women. I’m sure there are equally arrogant and stupid women.

This morning I got a message from a man, who seemed to be a decent guy, even though he had a pretty big beer belly. Ok, maybe he just like fries. I don’t know where it came from. I responded. He answered and said, “You look like you’d be fun, sexy and laid back. Sent me your phone number so we can talk this morning.” Well…I suppose that should have told me something, but since I was sitting around waiting for my sisters guests to unblock my car, I thought what the hell. A conversation will be ok.

So I sent it and he called. After I’d sent it, I noticed that his profile said he was “athletic and toned”. Yes, like the Michelin man. He didn’t take too long to direct the conversation where he wanted to it go. But first he had to tell me how he used to play hockey for the Boston Bruins minor league team. I don’t mention hockey in my profile, so he was just putting out a feeler. I told him my son played for 10 or 12 years, which I don’t think he even heard. He was too busy looking at himself in the mirror. Seeing that 20 year old athletic and toned hockey player. He told me 3 things  he liked about me were my positive attitude, that I was laid back, and I had nice boobs. And went on to tell me how important sex was to a relationship.  Remember this is the first contact.

Wow. What a come on. Geezus.

Then he said he’d like to try to get together one day this week. He said, “I can work at home a couple of days a week, so you could come here and I could keep an eye on the computer.” I said, “Well, I think I’d rather get coffee, or a sandwich or something for the first date.” By now, I’m ready to hang up. He went on to try to convince me how it was nicer to be private, have a glass of wine, and be able to talk privately.

Geezus. Again.

Then he said, (because I’d told him I was at my sisters and had to drive home soon) “Call me when you get home, and we’ll set a time.”

Needless to say, he is still waiting for that call, lol.

I think he was looking for a hockey groupie. I didn’t disabuse him of the notion that he was all that for having made the minors leagues. I did not tell him that my son’s coach played in the NHL for about 12 years, for the Hartford Whalers and the NY Rangers, and that this coach’s father played on the first Canadian Olympic  Gold Medal team, that his brother was a head coach for an NHL team (can’t remember who), his 3 brothers were all NHL scouts or ass’t coaches, and that all of them used to come in the summer and hold clinics for the kids. I didn’t tell him that another coach played with the NJ Devils, and that another one had been Wayne Gretzky’s winger for 3 weeks. I also didn’t tell him that two Hall of Famers taught my son to skate backwards. Or that my son has a number of friends now playing for the NHL, one of whom was a very close friend who was on the Stanley Cup winning Chicago Blackhawks, and has his name on the cup twice, at the age of 24.

I was not impressed with his credentials. I mean, it’s an accomplishment for sure, to make the pros at any level. It just didn’t, doesn’t, matter to me. I have met hockey superstars, that are not obnoxious and would take an interest if someone said, “My son played for 10 or 12 years.”

Ok..just needed to write that out, so I could pick my jaw up off the floor at the size of this guys ego because he played minor league hockey. And how he thought it was such a chick magnet that I’d go to his condo for a first date while he was working.

Geezus. Again.

In the meantime the guy UforME69 keeps on messaging me.

However, I did get a message from a nice looking, seemingly classier guy this afternoon. I have not heard from Tom yet today, not since New Year’s Eve, when I heard from him 5 times. My friend said, “he’s a dud. A firework that doesn’t go off.” LOL. I think she’s pegged him.

I’m taking it all in stride. Just gonna have fun with it, and maybe write some funny (hopefully) blogs. Learning about men, that’s for sure.

It was 84 today. But it seems to be cooling down, by the weekend it will be in the 60’s. And gonna hold there for awhile. 😦 But honestly….it’s good to live somewhere where when it’s cold, it’s 60.

Love and light.

I Can Wait

Posted on by learning to live like water

strangers

No more clandestine messages
No more long-distance whispers in the dark.
Eradicated from my life,
The false self-serving egocentricities
Of something that never was.

It just gets boring
The games people play
Just to falsely build themselves up
At the expense of other people.
Being used is no fun.

Freedom begins with ourselves.
A boundary was set,
And will not be undone.
There are magnificent people
Waiting to come into this life.
I can wait.

By Deborah E. Dayen

Picture from Google Images

The First Day

Posted on by learning to live like water

Dizzy and exhausted
The first day ended
With a starry night,
Friends around a table
A balmy breeze in the air
Cooling down
The wine and the heat.

A baby moon
Drifts across the sky
Venus follows it
Casting it’s light
And its energy
On the table full of friends
Talking quietly in the night air.
Peace in this corner of the world.

And The New Year Rolls In

Posted on by learning to live like water

Happy New Year!

What a great New Year’s Eve. The friends across the street from my sis had this amazing party. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to spend New Year’s Eve outside. They had live music, there was lots of food (everyone brought something), lots of drink. Lots of dancing and talking and fun! And all we had to do was walk across the street, as did almost everyone else there. About 70 people all from the neighborhood. The music was somebody the hosts heard in Key West. They have a regular gig there, but the hosts paid them to come all the way up here, to play for us last night.

I have not spent New Year’s Eve with my sister, or anyone in my family for that matter, in about 50 years. It was so awesome!!!! It was about 65, cool enough for a sweater, warm enough that it was easy to stay outside all night. I met some more wonderful people, we laughed, they included me. I may have been the only single person there, but it didn’t matter, really. We all laughed, talked and danced til about 1 AM, and then came home and collapsed into bed. I only drank 3 small glasses of wine, really they probably amounted to 2 real glasses. Drank lots of water. At midnight the champagne came out.

I love that 2016 is over. It was such a hard year for me, so many big changes. I just tried, last night, to put it all in the past. The struggle to get the house sold, to move my son to Colorado, to retire, to move down here, to deal with the issues on the house down here, and to finish, once and for all, the relationship with S.

And since I have really and fully closed the door on that old, toxic and painful relationship, it seems maybe someone new is making their way in. I’m not sure yet, but the signs are good. I am WAY more cautious now, about believing what someone tells me. I’m not jumping into anything, but it seems there is something there, coming from both sides. Time will tell. I’m hopeful.

Trying to make New Year’s resolutions, well kind of. I am not a big resolution girl, but I think in light of all the changes in my life I should try to make some sort of plan on how I want to better live my life. Life is so good here, for me. With friends and family, and maybe a new man. But really, if I’m not going to work, I want to find things to get involved with, to give back, to make this little corner of the world a better place.

I’m going to finish the things around the house that need doing. I have to hang the curtains I bought in my bedroom. I need to put together my leave blower and clean up the leaves in the back yard. My handyman is coming in the next few days to do some tree-trimming. I need to scrub the deck down, it has some mildew on it, or else maybe it’s just dirty, but at any rate, it needs cleaning. Then I’ll get a shed ordered, my handyman will put it up, and I can start doing things like landscaping.

In my spare time, I want to get back to making jewelry. There are so many shops in town that will sell on consignment, and I am heartened by the fact that I sold two of the necklaces that were at the gallery in St. Pete. Apparently there is some market for the kind of jewelry I make. And so much more pleasant to make jewelry for extra money than to work. God, I so love not working.

I guess you can tell, I am excited for the future. No big changes ahead, just cruising easily through the things I love to do. In perfect weather most of the time. Last night was so perfect, really.

I fell asleep immediately, but only slept 3 or 4 hours last night. I see a nap in my future today, and it’s supposed to be warm again, warm enough to take a nap outside in the sun lounger. I don’t feel exhausted, I think that the inability to sleep longer is from just feeling so full of good energy from last night, and so much gratitude that my life has turned out this way. It’s crazy. If someone looked back at my blogs this time last year, I was such a mess. What a difference a year makes.

Enough gushing. It’s hard to stop. It’s just so awesome, so incredible, to be happy almost all the time. Not really to be ever stressed about anything. I think it’s one reason I have been able to let go so much more easily of things that no longer serve me since I’ve been here. There’s just no need to hang on to anything that doesn’t add happiness to my life.

Love and light, everyone. May we all have a blessed 2017.

Singing the Song for 2017

Posted on by learning to live like water

It’s New Year’s Eve. Time to reflect, to look forward, to enjoy the moment.

Reflecting….. Last year was a year of huge change for me. Never before have I had so many big changes in my life. Losing my mother. Retiring from a lifetime of work. Moving to Florida, to a completely different way of life. Moving my son away from me to Colorado. Ending a love affair that stopped bringing me pleasure a long time ago, and only brought me pain. And even so, it was a struggle to let go. But let go I finally have, completely.

All these changes were good. Every one of them. Even though I miss my son so much. I know he’s doing well, and happy, and making his own way. Thank God for cell phones, we talk every day. There are new people in my life, new friends, the budding of new relationships that bring a smile to my face.

I don’t deal with winter any more. That is such a blessing to me. I so hated being cold from the middle of October until the middle of April. Dressing in 4 or 5 layers, and still being cold. I hated dealing with snow, and the last few years we had mega amounts of snow up there, with only a few exceptional years. I hated driving in it, keeping the driveway clear and the walk ways, and being housebound.

Now…..when it gets cold here, it’s in the 50’s. And so far, for not more than 2 days, til the temperature creeps back up to the 70’s or 80’s. I can walk every day along the beach. I can see the ocean every day. The water here on the Gulf coast is warm, and calm, and soothing. Usually I am dressed in one layer, and more often than not, it’s shorts, or skorts (the skirts with shorts under them).

To be able to spend time with my sister on a regular basis is such a blessing. We are becoming so close. It has eased the pain of losing our mother last year. We joke all the time about how we channel her for each other. She and I have not lived close to one another since we moved out of the house around age 20. I’m going back there today, invited to her neighbor’s New Year’s Eve party which promises to be a blast, and it’s right across the street!. No driving with the drunks….

The future is looking bright. There is a possibility of a budding relationship. It is moving slowly, at a speed which, while sometimes frustrating for me, is a good thing really. I’m sitting back and let the universe drive the train. It’s fun to feel that way again, and actually have it reciprocated.

Financially I feel secure. Avalon, my home, my place of new beginnings, is coming along. All the big work is now completed. There are some jobs like tree-trimming, putting up a shed, landscaping that need to be done, but they will be done over the next few months.

Mostly, I have given up worry over things I cannot control. I have come to believe that the Universe has a grand design, which we cannot possibly understand in human terms, and that all will work out for the highest good of all. It’s not so much Pollyanna, it’s just that I agree with Marianne Williamson that the universe is self-organizing and self-correcting. It has been the way it’s worked for me, over and over again. I know that many people won’t agree with me, in fact, maybe most. It’s just the way it is from the perspective of my life. Not asking anyone else to believe it.

This year, I think I will try to do more giving back. There are a few things I’ve discovered here which I can get involved with that might make a difference in someone else’s life. I mean, I have such a happy life here. So free of drama and pain, so full of joy. I want to spread that around as much as I can.

Life is for living, for singing a joyful song. I’ve always known that, even though I’ve had a hard time singing so often. Through an abusive marriage, a failed love affair, a long period of terrible financial insecurity, I still always believed I could one day sing the song again.

I’m singing it now. It’s in my head, lol, I still don’t sing in front of people. But those close to me can hear the song. I guess this is why I trust that the universe is on it, organizing and correcting for the higher benefit of all. Because it’s taken me from terrible darkness, to the sunlight of Florida.

Love and light, everyone. Have a Happy New Year!

Flashback

Posted on by learning to live like water

A blast from the past. I don’t watch much TV. I turn it on in the evening, and often pay no attention to it. It’s just for the noise.

Tonight I’m watching the news, which is something even more rare than watching at all. I hate the news. At least, network news. But tonight there was a story about the CT Supreme Court reversing the decision on Michael Skakel and sending him back to prison for the murder of Martha Moxley. They showed the Supreme Court Room, and boy, did that bring me back to some difficult, yet triumphant memories.

December 2, 2010, exactly 2 years after the first day of our trial in Superior Court. More than 3 1/2 years since I had left my ex.  2 years since my son had come to live with me.  I remember sitting as a spectator, because that’s where the actual parties to the cases sit, in that auspicious room. The pomp and circumstance was palpable. Classrooms of students from local colleges filed in to watch the proceedings. The officer in charge of the courtroom gives all of us instructions. There was not an empty seat. Classrooms have to book it way ahead of time. The Supreme Court hears 2 cases a day. I had been waiting for 2 years to be heard. Two years from the 3 day trial my ex and I had, as he attempted to make sure I got less than 10% of the estate from a 32 year marriage. He lost that first Superior Court decision. He appealed, and then requested to have the appeal raised from the Appellate Court to the Supreme Court.

Meanwhile, every asset from our 32 year marriage, every dime, was in his possession.  I had a paycheck.  That was it.  (And just for added stress, my son was in a bad car accident 4 days before, broke his ankle, totaled 2 cars.  Of course the man with all the money did not contribute one cent to the deductible for his health insurance, or on a replacement car.)

7 chairs at the bench in the front. Like 7 thrones. The people who sat there would decide my future. I hoped they were just, I hoped they could see the truth about what had been done to me. Each atty gets a certain amount of time to make their case. My son’s GAL (guardian ad litum) sat with my attorney, to help her if needed. Because, he got it. It took him awhile, but he finally got it, and for the last year, and during our initial trial sat on my side. When my atty made her case, she didn’t even need all the time allotted. The judge in our Superior Court decision could see my ex coming 100 miles away, and did a ton of research for us, since there was no law regarding our issue. He wrote 7 pages, citing cases in other states. It was all in our brief, not much needed to be said. The point was that for him to prevail would have done a grave injustice, I think is what it said.

The justices argued with my ex’s atty. Not mine at all. They had some questions, but not many. They had a lot of questions of my ex’s and some actually argued with him, telling him that what the judge did, he was supposed to do.

In the end, I won. The decision was released April 18, 1 day before my 60th birthday. I had been secretly asking the Universe to give me the decision for a birthday present. Really.

They called my ex “unconscionable” 9 times in their lengthy decision. Unanimously.

And, my case made case law in CT. No one will ever be able to do to their spouse what he tried to do to me again. That makes me proud, really. And really, eases some of the pain of waiting 4 years to finally be free of that man.

A couple of years later, a Yale 1st year law student contacted my atty. His first assignment of the year in contract law had been to write a brief on my case, and could he come and see her for about an hour, and see some of the files. Imagine that. My case, my 4 year struggle ended up being a case which Yale University used to teach contract law.

I could go on, about how my life changed that 60th birthday. How I went house hunting, and bought my dream house, and later segued that house into this lovely life I now have in Florida. How I didn’t even consider having a date until I was moved into my new house. I hadn’t wanted to embroil anyone else in that mess. I learned that avoidance of something doesn’t mean you’re ready for it. I fell in love with someone who devastated me emotionally as badly, if not worse, than my ex did as he tried to separate my son from me, and hurt me financially. What my ex never did to me, my first love after divorce did. No need to expound on that. It’s all in the pages of this blog. I’m pretty cautious now.

Funny what just a flash of one picture can bring back.

Love and light everyone.

Sleepless in Florida

Posted on by learning to live like water

I ended my 4 or 5 night streak of good sleep last night. My son began texting me at 11:30 last night that his car’s valve cover gasket is leaking. His service engine light had just come on. It will cost $500 to fix.

11:30 is way past my bedtime, I was in bed, and falling asleep. I was up kinda late, because I went to open mic, and then came home and wrote for awhile to unwind. After texting back and forth for awhile, I told him to call me this morning and we’ll talk about it. I went back to sleep for 2 more hours, and then woke up and was wide awake. So, I do what many of us do, I got up, got on the computer and wrote some more, to empty my head. Then at 3:30 went back to bed, took a half an Ambien and fell asleep til 8. Or so.

Now my sleep schedule will be messed up. But really, does it matter, LOL. I’m retired. I don’t have to be anywhere at any time, except at the doctor today at 1:30 for a therapy treatment. Which is a back massage……

Had a good time last night at open mic, as always. Both of my good friends who go with me were sick, so I went alone, but knew I could hang out with my other friends. My friend P welcomed me with a hug, and walked me to my car at the end of the night. What a good guy.

A man I’ve been messaging with has expressed a wish to go to open mic with me. He plays guitar and sings and also is a boater/sport fisherman. He said he could play a Buffett song. That crowd would love Buffett. So who knows, maybe. I like him a lot. He’s a sweet man, so far.

I splurged and bought myself a leaf blower that also vacuums leaves to deal with the leaves from the banyan tree, which perpetually are falling off. Much easier to blow them than to try to rake them. I also bought a push broom and a rake. Push broom is to allow me to scrub my deck.

I guess it’s time to take the Christmas tree down. I am usually anxious by about this time, to get the house back to normal. Even though, my house has not been “normal” really. I wish I had everything in it’s place but I still don’t. I need to though. My friends from high school will be here in 2 weeks, and I need it better organized than what it is now, since they are all staying here one night as we try to recreate our high school days. But, it will be the night of open mic, so we won’t be hanging here all night, which is something I’m glad about.

It’s cool here this morning, 51 when I woke up. The house was cool. But the sun is out brightly though the high will only be 61. I love living in a place where “cold” is 60. LOL. It’s been snowing up north in my old home. Not missing it at all.

Love and light everyone.