Open mic was so much fun, so out of the ordinary. And that’s pretty far out of the ordinary, in this town,which is completely out of the ordinary, lol. We had an electric cello player come tonight, and a twosome who sang blues, and one of them played guitar, the other a flute. A couple of new people, with really good voices, who sang their own music, so talented. Everyone was saying it was like going to a nightclub tonight. So much fun.

I sat with my friend P, we were two of the first of our crowd there. He was looking for me, when I walked in. He told me this, lol. I so love that guy. We have some kind of bond between us. Then a new friend came, a woman a few years younger than me, who is trying to get established in town. We’ve been trying to connect, being two single women in this town. So we were able to get to know each other a little better. It’s nice to expand the base.

Tomorrow night is the artwalk with my sister. I’ll be able to see G, the keyboard player, who paints. I guess he’s really an artist that plays keyboard. That’s how he described himself to me.

Tim, the firefighter, is going to call me Sunday sometime. I’m kind of excited for that. He’s good looking, and loves to do things, and is creative as well. I just hope I’m not too free of a spirit for him, but we’ll see. He seems excited about it. We talked about getting together, so I gave him my phone number, and he said it made his day. Unlike Tom, the one that writes me the sweetest messages, who ignored the fact that I gave him my number. Didn’t even mention it. Who needs it?

Life is good. I’m beat, gonna head for bed as soon as I post this. Hope all is well with all my bloggie friends.

Love and light, all.

I keep writing updates, for a blog, and deleting it before I publish. It just seems so self indulgent. Who cares besides me?

I think the biggest thing now is that my heart is mine again. The S thing is in the past, I am so over it. I got so sick of the games he played, all along. It was about a month ago, I just got so sick of it, a wall went up. Kind of like the wall that went up when I found out my ex had $100k in the bank, and I didn’t even have a stove and oven that worked. Just a wall. Impenetrable.

It’s beginning to feel like that with Tom, the guy whose been messaging me. There’s no reason for us not to have met yet, or at least no reason for him not to explain what’s happening in his life that prevents us. Getting sick of that too. A nice man, an ex-firefighter messaged me and we’ve been talking and he already wants to set up a date to meet. I’m definitely going to, and let the thing with Tom just fade away. If he doesn’t want it to fade, it’s up to him. I’ve done what I can.

I don’t understand the game thing. It’s so childish. Why would someone in their 60’s still want to play? God, you’d think they’d be as tired of it as me. I will say as soon as I was really done with S, I started getting messages from a lot of different men, every day. I knew I needed to let go of that, to close that door completely, to get the next door open wide. My life down here is so good, and laid back, and happy. If someone can’t add to that, then they need to stay out of it. Not allowing the misery in, ever again.

Tonight is open mic, and I’m so looking forward to hanging out with my friends, having a glass of wine, relaxing. Life is meant for living, enjoying, loving. It’s going to be cool tonight, jeans and sweater weather. Should be a really nice night. I asked Tom to come, since last week he said he wished he was there with me. But no answer on that, as usual. Stupid games. Ignoring the question doesn’t negate it.

Onward. I’m glad I’m able to spot the gamers before I get my heart broken. It was a valuable lesson S taught me.

Love and light.

Mermaid sighs, waiting

Pirate watches from afar

Desire on the sea

By Deborah E. Bedrick

Picture from Google Images

All my friends from up north are talking about how pot was legalized in MA to the extent you can possess it, grow it, use it, or buy it. But you can’t sell it. Now how utterly stupid is that? You can’t buy it until July 1, 2018. I guess it’s to give those diehard “it’s a gateway drug” people time to adjust. And Florida….they legalized, finally, medical marijuana, but all the counties except maybe one, have pushed back allowing the dispensaries to open.

I just don’t get the big hubub over it. People on pot don’t go hopping in their cars speeding around recklessly. Generally when one is stoned, they don’t want to go anywhere! And if they do, they are far more likely to drive below the limit, both hands on the wheel, very cautiously. Ever heard of someone being stoned and picking up a gun and shooting someone? No. Or domestic abuse that was aggravated by the husband that was high?

People need to get over it. It is a plant that grows on this earth, not something created in a lab to alter your normal psyche. It has so many many varied medical uses. I will tell you, when I had my stomach bug a couple months ago, a friend brought me a couple joints and it was such a HUGE relief physically to just have a few hits off the joint.

I do believe that once it’s fully legal in MA, it will follow suit in all the New England states. Because none of them are but a short driving distance from MA, except maybe northern Maine. And even that is 4 or 5 hours at most. The rest of the states, particularly CT which is always in a revenue pinch, will want the tax revenue that it creates.

In other news, I heard from Tom, the guy I was saying was a lot like Scott in a basic way. I heard from him last night, and began to change my mind about that similarity with his conversation. He was much more open and willing to let me know who he is. He has something going on, but I don’t think it’s other women. I think maybe he is just very guarded, but has started opening that window to making himself vulnerable. He asked me not to give up on him just yet. I hadn’t said I would give up on him, but I told him I wouldn’t. I told him, I don’t know, but feeling energy is my thing, and I feel like there’s a possibility that there could be magic, and I would so love a little magic in my life. It’s rare to feel this connection. I felt an instant connection to Scott, and I am still sure I knew him in another life.  It’s not that kind of connection with Tom, thankfully.  But it is a intense connection.  I can’t define it at the moment, but I can feel it. This time I’m being way more cautious with my heart. I’ll let it play out, without expectations, only hope. Just going to enjoy the ride til it’s time to get off of it.

I’m learning not to invest so much of myself, so fast. I am remembering the lessons of Brene Brown in Rising Strong, especially Braving Trust. So far, when this man has put a few marbles in my jar, he’s not dumped it over and taken them back, as was Scott’s MO. My ex….in the end, never put any in but stole all he could out of it. Tom is earning my trust, albeit very slowly. But the movement is in a positive direction.

I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve.  I’m trying to subdue that a bit, I think it’s too much for many people.  I’ll put it out there, put myself out there, but only as a friendship develops.

I got a message from one of the other nice men I was messaging, telling me there’s a fair in a town 22 miles away this weekend, and that I’d really like it. I answered him, “Is that an invitation? :)” I don’t really think he meant it as one, and I was only kind of half serious. But he answered, “Yes! If we don’t go out in the boat this weekend.” Don’t know who “we” is, probably kids and grandkids. But I let him off the hook, and said, “Sounds good.” I won’t go anyway, I need to get stuff done around the house to have it ready for my friends.

Waiting for someone to come and inspect my window installation. Florida is very picky about the type and way windows are done because we are so hurricane prone. Once they come I can take the stickers off of them. Then hang the curtains I bought for the bedroom. Hope I can remember how to use the drill, lol.

Life is good…..as always. Love and light…..