G for Generosity, of Spirit

Posted on by learning to live like water

I woke in the middle of the night last night, which is not unusual. For some reason, Brene Brown’s anagram, “B R A V I N G” trust came into my head, and particularly, the last letter of it, G, for generosity.

If you have not seen Brene’s video, The Anatomy of Trust, which is well worth watching, you might ask what generosity has to do with trust. It refers to generosity of spirit. That when someone does or says something that you could take as hurtful, you don’t. Instead, you extend generosity of spirit to that person, and say something like, “you know, what you just said kind of stung, but I know you didn’t mean to sting me, and we’re ok. I just wanted you to know that’s what I was thinking.”

Be generous. Remember that we are all flawed, and we all say and do things that don’t exactly reflect what we want to reflect, and we all accidentally hurt others, and we don’t mean to. It’s a very human flaw.

It’s good to say something, and include the generosity. Why say something? Because it allows growth for both people, to put it on the table.

I know for a fact that I have not always been generous in my thoughts of what people have said. I still have that hyper-vigilance thing going on, where I want to defend myself from all attacks. But sometimes, I’m tilting at windmills, you know? Sometimes what was said was only in jest, or perhaps without a lot of thought, but was not meant to hurt me. There was no evil intent. I was wasting my time fighting something that was never meant to cause me harm. And in the process, hurting others with my accusations.

I think the thought about generosity came to me in the middle of the night because maybe it was just time for me to learn it, to understand it, to see it, to own it. And to realize that I don’t need to take everything that’s ever said with such seriousness.

And maybe it came to me because there are 4 planets in retrograde, or going into retrograde or coming out of retrograde shortly. Who knows? It came when it was supposed to. Lesson learned.

Love and light, everyone.

He’s Off, Finally

Posted on by learning to live like water

I got my son to the airport at 6:30 this morning, despite missing my exit and having to back track a mile. I was in bed fairly early last night, and slept ok, despite my issue with my ribs. His United flight is on time this morning. He’ll be back in Denver at 10:15 or so. He’s anxious to get home now, after this last delay. I found it easier to say goodbye this morning, since I’d done all my crying yesterday, and felt like I just had a little bonus that he was here last night and this morning.

About the issue with my ribs. I was watering some plants the other day, and when I went to take the hose back to where it belongs, I stepped off the deck onto some bricks which are just stacked into two step but are not actually real steps. One of them slid out from under my foot. I guess it might have been my wet flip-flops that caused the problem, I don’t really know because it happened so fast. But at any rate, I fell, and my right side went up against the corner of the very sturdy recycling bin which is at the bottom of the steps beside the deck. Since then, my bottom two ribs have hurt a lot, particularly if I sneeze or put any pressure on that side. I don’t know if I just bruised them badly or cracked them, but I didn’t go to get them x-rayed because they can’t do anything for a cracked rib anyway, and I didn’t want to subject myself to the x-ray for no reason.

So, this is why I say I slept ok despite the issue, because it’s one of those things that you have to wake up to say, turn over, in the night. If you don’t, it will wake you up, it hurts if you do it wrong.

Son-of-a-bitch.

Well, today a friend has asked me to give her a ride somewhere, to pick up some badly needed money. She offered to buy me lunch, but really, I feel guilty taking anything she is so broke. We’ll see…

The Vets Art Center is having a fund-raiser on the 23rd at Cracker Barrel. We are supposed to get 10 sponsors to donate $20 each for which we will rock in rocking chairs there for 4 hours. I’m not enthusiastic about it, because it’s about a half hour from here. Which, when I think about it, is absurd as a reason. I used to drive a half hour just to get to Walmart. I’ll probably do it. I feel kind of obligated since I’m on the board. I told the director I’d get back to him this week about it, because my son was here and I was really not up to speed about whatever I had planned.

Back to my normal life now, although it felt really normal with my son here. We just fell into old routines so easily. It was nice. But now I have my new routines and those are all good. My non-stressful life here.

Love and light.

Another No-Fly by Frontier

Posted on by learning to live like water

Frontier Air Lines. Do. Not. Ever. Fly. With. Them. After my son’s flight here was delayed 6 times and finally cancelled, and he had to get a flight out the next morning, we were hoping the return flight would go smoothly. Um……NO. His flight today was supposed to leave at 2:15. At 1:40 it was delayed until 3, at 2:50 it was delayed until 5. At 4:50 it was delayed until 6. At 4:55 it was delayed until 7:45. We booked him on one of the last two seats on a United flight early tomorrow, for $500.!. At about 6:30 the delayed flight was pushed back to 8;15. But by then…I had made it back to the airport to pick up my son and bring him back home for one more night. Which is the silver lining…I get to spend one more night with him. I was pretty sad about his leaving, so I’m happy to drive to the airport and back twice more to spend another evening with him.

To add to the chaos, of trying to figure out of we should book the other flight or wait for this one, my phone somehow got put on DND (Do Not Disturb) so no calls or texts were coming through. Even though I had just talked to him. I have no idea how or why that happened. But he tried to call me about 20 times, and it went to voice mail. So he was sure I’d been in a car accident. By the time he reached me he was frantic. Like sure I was dead. I felt so bad….so so so bad. He was already flippin with all the airline hassle….

Anyway, I brought him home, we ordered Chinese delivery, and I made us each a Mojito. We deserved it. Crazy crazy bs going on this afternoon!!!

Tomorrow I will get up at 5:30 am and get him to the airport by 6:30. Then I will write an eloquent, scathing email to Frontier. I want my money back. They want to give us vouchers. Um NO. We will never ever ever buy another ticket on Frontier, ever…. Did I say ever? Give me my money back. And the additional costs incurred getting him on another flight.

Crazy friggin day……At least I know how to get to and from the airport now, without my GPS.  Latest update on the Frontier flight:  moved from 8:15 to 8:30.  Really??????

Love and light, all.

Some Fundamental Truths Introspection

Posted on by learning to live like water

This morning my FB feed was, thankfully, not all about the antics of our tweeter-in-chief. I am so sick of reading about him, even though I think it’s important that we know what he’s been doing because it will affect all our lives. It’s just nice to have a reprieve from it, and especially on a quiet Sunday morning, to be able to sit and watch a couple of cool, human interest and/or funny videos and read some good articles.

One of my favorites today was from the Huffington Post, titled “10 Fundamental Truths That Will Change Your Life.” Just a list, with a short discussion of each, of things like “You’re living the life you created. (#4), Fear is the #1 source of regret. (#5), Live your life in the moment. (#7), Your self-worth must come from within. (#8), and Change is inevitable – Embrace it. (#10). Not to say that #’s 1, 2, 3, 6, and 9 weren’t just as important. These just stood out to me at the moment. Another day, another list, lol.

I have always said I dislike regrets, I dislike wishing my past was different than it was. Instead of regrets I say they were mistakes, lessons to be learned. Lessons that were not coincidental, but were part of my life’s journey to evolve my soul. Some were difficult, some were easy. But with all of them, it was, is, important to learn the lesson and then to Let It Go. As they said in the Huffington Post article, “No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.” Learn the lesson that has presented itself. Then…put it in the past. And live in the moment. The present moment.

Am I safe? Do I have food to eat? Do I know if any of the terrible things I might think are really true? And if I don’t, was/is there any reason to obsess over them? Not meaning to preach here, just kind of relate a journey which took me from an abusive marriage to a new life in a place that I love, and a close relationship with my family, and friends. 10 years ago, I left that marriage. It was the beginning of creating a new life for myself. I accept that I also had an equal hand in creating the old, fearful and sad one that I lived in for so many years. But do I regret that life? No. I learned some of my most important lessons ever there. And, of course, without it would not have my son. Sometimes I reget that it took me so long to learn the lesson, but….it is what it is. I took as long as I needed, and now at the age of almost 66, I see the benefits of the lessons.

I’m so grateful that others have gone before me on this journey and have shared their wisdom. So greatful for the great teachers of these essential wisdoms who have been put in my path, holding a candle or a floodlight, or sometimes just taking me by the hand and guiding me….whichever was needed for me to see, and comprehend.

I guess that if I were to add a #11, it would be, “Every day find something to be grateful for. Even if it’s just your breath.” Gratitude is probably one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Even to the point of being grateful for all our hardships, for the lessons we learned from them. Sometimes when I can’t get to sleep, I just start listing in my head all the things I’m grateful for. My son, my family, my friends. The bed that I sleep in, the food in my fridge, the moonlight outside my window, the air that I breathe. I’ve often fallen asleep making that list. It just brings a sense of calm and order, and peace.

Guess I’m doing some introspection this morning, caused by that article. If you want to read the article, here’s the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-fundamental-truths-that-will-change-your-life_us_58dc0459e4b07f61a2bb8ae0?

Love and light, everyone.

Smiling A Lot This Week

Posted on by learning to live like water

Happiness and gratitude are my partners this week. I guess one doesn’t come without the other, and I am surely both.  Just smiling a lot.

Having so much fun hanging out with my son. I love the adult he’s become. He’s still funny as hell. He has a kind heart. He is passionate about some things, like the EDM music he mixes. He has 1 for sure gig in two weeks at a Denver club, and maybe one at a 420 festival in Denver on Thursday 4/20. Someone is trying to get him into the line up. I guess Denver is a world hub for this kind of music. He’s just a good kid, a good sense of right and wrong. He has an incredible work ethic, too.

I am so grateful, so utterly grateful, that he’s such a good kid. 25 yr old good kid, lol. I’m grateful that he wants to hang with me, that he wanted me to stay up and watch a movie with him last night, that he can tell me anything, and does.

He says he wishes he had family close to him in Denver, and I so wish he did too. I had no family in CT when I moved there when I was 21 or 22, and I am sure that’s one reason I was so sucked into the relationship with my ex. Isolation is not good for you. We’re social animals, us humans.

We spent a couple days and one night at my sister and brother-in-law’s house. It was good to see them, they loved seeing my son. Everyone has drama in their lives, but really, he has none, and hates it. He doesn’t have a girlfriend at the moment, and when he does have one, the minute they introduce drama into the relationship, he’s outta there. I guess he had enough drama growing up for 15 lifetimes.

The weather was really hot the first few days he was here. Now it’s cool, highs in the low 70s’s. 57 overnight! Tomorrow it’s back to the 80’s but not as humid as it was, so it’s all good. Been very windy though. The Gulf of Mexico looked a lot more like the Atlantic with crashing breakers. We went to the beach one afternoon, but only stayed an hour, because we were getting sand-blasted by the wind.

This morning I’m going to help him on his taxes. Tonight I’m going to take him out to the Italian restaurant in town. I’ve been dying to try it, it has a good reputation. He might meet a couple of my friends today. I told him I brag about him a lot, so they all want to meet him, lol.

I will be so sad to see him go tomorrow. I don’t know if I’ll go out there this summer, just because he has used up his time off until September. If he can run a 3 or 4 day weekend, I would go, but we’ll just have to see.

It’s been awesome. Love and light to everyone.

Happy Un-Birthday to Me

Posted on by learning to live like water

What an awesome day. My son and I headed for my sisters and met her and my brother-in-law at an outdoor restaurant in the small fishing village of Cortez where they make the best fish tacos, conch fritters, and I had a grilled corvina sandwich. It was so good! My son kept saying he wanted to go, there are a few of those places, right on the water.

We got to my sister’s house after. She and I kind of prepped dinner, then got in our bathing suits, and then went swimming and into the hot tub for awhile, with a glass of wine and talked for about a half hour. My birthday is in a couple weeks, and my sis wanted to have a birthday dinner while my son was here, so she had shrimp on the barbie and a whole bunch of other good food, plus a pina colada angel food cake with coconut lime frosting. Dang….it was so good.

We went down to the beach for sunset, which was nice, but the sky was cloudless, so it wasn’t dramatic. It was really really windy and it’s totally cooled off today, only in the 70’s and now in the 60’s. So we didn’t linger after it went down. People say that there’s often a green flash just as the sun drops below the horizen over water, but every time we go, we watch, but we’ve never seen it. Tonight was no different. No green flash.

No plans for tomorrow…..yet. Maybe go do some souvenir shopping in Sarasota. Love and light everyone.