Feeling overwhelmed today. Like, what the hell were I thinking to take on this project alone?

I missed sunrise this morning. Because my friend Pat called early, to tell me some news she had. I was happy for her, even if I think she’s latched onto a dream that most likely isn’t real. It makes her happy, so I just hope for the best for her.

I took my car to get fixed, because it’s been making a loud noise since I got to Florida. The garage guy thought I needed a whole new muffler, from the catalytic converter back. But he said, “I’m gonna send you somewhere else, where they can do it cheaper and better, it’s a muffler place run by a couple guys I know who do good work, and they’re close by.” He called them for me, and I went over, sick, thinking it was going to cost me a few $100 bucks. And I just had the muffler replaced in CT a couple years ago.

When I got to the muffler place they put it on the lift and turns out it was just a rusted out flange between the muffler and exhaust pipe. The muffler and pipes were ok. He replaced it in about 15 minutes for $60. Awesome! One problem solved relatively cheap.

While I was waiting for the garage to diagnose the problem, I called a handyman I found on Craig’s list, and made an appointment for him to come by later this afternoon and give me a price on putting up my mailbox, and fixing my gutter, and maybe straightening out my fence which is leaning over after the recent hurricane.

Then I went to home depot for Roach stuff. Lots to choose from down here. Then I went to look at their sheds, because I need one badly for my mower, garden tools, etc. They had one, for $599, which seemed like a good price. Except it’s $79 to deliver it, and they won’t put it up, nor recommend anyone to put it up. So that’s probably another couple hundred bucks. And, how do I find someone to put it up for me? It shouldn’t be so complicated. It sucks being a single retired woman.

While I was in the parking lot I called my dr back in CT and asked them to renew a prescription that was out of refills.

Came back home, had some lunch. Yogurt and a banana. Not real hungry. Stomach actually feeling upset. I was manhandling a big box that had big paintings in it, and it ended up banging into my big toenail that has fungi-nail, as a result of an accident when I was when I was a teenager. And the whole nail ripped off again. I just lost my other big toe nail about a month ago. So now, I have no big toe nails. Cripes. ffppppppppppppppppp

I’m trying to hang pictures. Just the family pictures. I know which wall I want to use. I laid them out on my bed. I need a couple of frames. So I’m tempted to go out to Family Dollar and get the frames I need so I can get them done.

I was looking at my stats on WP. I seem to be having a good day, more hits than normal, though not a ton. Anyway, there’s a stat that shows what people are reading. Not who’s reading it, just what was read. I don’t understand how people find old posts, over a year old in some cases, and why they would want to read them. I mean, who wants to read about someone’s heartbreak that’s a year old? Geezus. And how did they even find it? It just seems so random. But then again, the blogs can be found by just searching for certain terms. Still…idk. Sometimes I want to take the old ones down because they are old, old news. But then again, they recorded history for me, snapshots in time. So I leave them up. Just wish I understood.

Maybe that’s part of the overwhelmed-ness. Seeing what people are reading stirs up old stuff that I’d rather leave sleeping, and makes me miss my friends and my son. I’ve been alone for a long time, I am ok being alone most of the time. But this is hard, day after day, the life I lived just not existing any more. Plus I slept crappy last night, woke up a lot.

I’ll get through it. I am a survivor. I have no safety net, except my own center. Still, I wish I had a shoulder to lean on sometimes. I guess I just need to give it some time. I’ve only been here a week. Once I get done moving in, I can get involved in some community things and meet people.

I’m going to my sisters out on the island tomorrow to do my laundry, sweep up any bugs in her house, etc. I think I will just hang by her pool and read. I need an afternoon off from this. It’s cooled down this week some, it’s under 90, and a little drier. It will be nice by her pool Maybe I’ll spend the night there.

Then later this week I have to go price up a washer and dryer for my house.

Lists, lists, lists. My life for weeks now has been lists of things to do. Onward, the list isn’t getting any smaller while I write this. But I do feel better.

Love and light, everyone.Ov

I guess I never should have said I hadn’t seen one of those giant cockroaches alive in my last blog. These are also known as palmetto bugs. That’s way too nice a name for them. I suppose it just makes them easier to deal with if you think you are dealing with a “palmetto bug” and not a giant frigging cockroach. Last night I went to bed, and after about 10 minutes I realized I hadn’t brought a glass of water with me. So…I went back into the kitchen, turned on the light, and there was one on my kitchen floor.

WWWWW! Creepy!! It was heading quickly to the crack between the wall and my gas stove to hide. That is probably where it came in too.

I’m not sure what to do about it. Last night, I went back to bed, knowing it was in the kitchen, and knowing I had nothing here to deal with it. I don’t know if the “Roach Motel” is effective on these

Egiant suckers. This morning I sprayed ant killer in that corner, not that I expect that to work, lol. But it was all I had, lol. I felt the need to do something! I’ll have to get some advice from locals. I know they are common. I found dead ones on the floor of my sisters house when I stayed there. I’ll give her a call, and I’ll ask my friend Pat down here. Geezus they are f’n creepy though.

My sister gave me some sage advice when I was headed down here, and that was “Don’t get freaked out by the bugs in Florida. That’s just Florida.” So, I am trying to remember.

Another issue I’m having with bugs is that every time I open my laptop, these teeny little things like gnats but smaller by a lot, fly onto my screen and hike around on it. It’s one at a time, not a lot. I don’t see them flying, they just seem to materialize on the screen. I have a paper towel next to the laptop so I can just wipe them off. This has only started up in the last 2 days. But it is really annoying too! WTH?

It is bug city here. I’m guessing I’ll need a pest control guy. More money. I need to get a job.

Love and light, all.

This morning, after that beautiful sunrise, I came home and was kind of wanting to run out to Walmart, for some hand soap, and a few odds and ends. I was in the bathroom and looked down and saw a huge bunch of ants in one corner of the door frame. I looked closer and saw that there was a 1/2” hole where the tile met the threshold, that was not caulked. I watched the ants run up and down that hole. I had ant killer for outside, but nothing for inside the house. Needless to say, I was off pretty quickly to Walmart to pick up ant killer and a few other things. Tonight, no ants! Yay! Mission accomplished.

Which leads me to the issue of bugs in Florida. MAN. They have sum ginormous bugs. Locusts, real locusts. Big grasshopper things. You don’t think about stepping on one, they are so big. Eww. Squishy mess. Cockroaches, they are also ginormous. I have not seen one alive, thank God. But dang…..they are scary.

These are offset though by the cute little lizards that run around everywhere. You can’t leave your door open while you run out to your car, because they’ll run right in. Not that they do any damage. But they eat a lot of bugs outside. They are cute, like little geckos. Everyone

I think I’m down to one box left, that is not Christmas or jewelry making stuff. I unpacked pictures today, and boy did I miss my son. I can’t wait til he comes to see me in January. I have to decide where to put all the family pictures. In fact, I have to figure out where to put all my artwork. Mostly things my sister has painted, but some of them are large paintings. And the Georgia O’keefe Lake George print. It was over my bed in my old house, but can’t go there in this house. It’s a big print, so will require some thought.

It’s so nice to not be working. Just so nice. To not have to go to work every day. I’ve been so busy, I haven’t really started a new routine, but I certainly don’t have my old routine either. I’m trying to make the sunrise into part of my routine, it does me a lot of good to start the day that way. It’s really nice to need something at the store, and just go. And it’s even nicer that everywhere I need to go is within 5 miles of my house. Nice that drinks are so cheap at the bar too.

I talked to my “going-out partner” at home tonight. She moved the same week I did. She only moved to another town in CT, but she had tons more to move. Both her adult daughters live with her. But boy did we have some moving stories to compare. I know she’ll be down to see me this winter. I do miss my friends. That’s the hardest thing about moving.

I like it here, it’s the lifestyle I love. It’s a town of old hippies, very laid back. Artistic, creative, writers. Weather that allows flip-flops and shorts year round. I have 4 pairs of jeans for long pants. Hoping I don’t need them. I’m not crazy about 100° humid heat, but I love the balmy nights that come with them, when you can sit outside and sip on a glass of wine into the wee hours of the morning.

And of course, being so close to the ocean is my life long dream. I always felt the ocean was my second home. I’m far enough from it that I’m not in the flood plain, close enough to walk there if I wanted. Pretty nice. 🙂

Love and light, everyone.

I went out with my friend tonight to St. Pete Beach (the real high rent district) and watched her and about a dozen other people get up and sing karaoke tonight. We were seated at a piano bar, a bar in the shape of a piano. And where the keyboard is there was a guy named Ron, who ran all the karaoke equipment and also played the sax with some of the people who sang.

I did not sing. I do not sing, lol. But then again, some of the people who sang, do not sing, lol. I just thought wow, that is awesome that they have the guts to try it, to do it, even if they can’t carry a tune for the life of them. I thought, what if they think they can do it, but get up there and can’t? I would be afraid of that. Putting my name on the list of singers, and then when I got up there not being able to sing, or whispering, lol.

I’ve had that feeling once or twice in my life, thinking I could do something  and then found out at the 11th hour that I cannot.  There are things I know I can do, things I think I can do but when push comes to shove, find out I can’t, and things I can’t do, and know I can’t.  Singing in front of a bunch of people is definitely one of those things I can’t do.

It started thunderstorming while we were there. We were right by the water, and there was quite the electrical storm going on. It absolutely poured for about 15 minutes. But by the time we left at about 10, it was over, and seemed to have cooled down considerably. It was 98 in my car when I went to pick my friend up at 5. Crazy hot.

I’m home, and going to bed. It was fun, it was good to get out of the house. Better yet, we bought drinks during happy hour, so two drinks cost us each $5. Total. Crazy cheap.

Love and light, all.

Best nights sleep since I’ve been here. Fell asleep easily, slept through the night. I got about 7 hours of sleep. Feels so good. Especially after the nightmares of the previous night, which had me in a subdued mood all day yesterday.  I was a little homesick yesterday, but this morning feeling better about it.  Back to the bigger picture, and know my friends will be down here to see me.

Today I’m heading to Home Depot for garbage cans, and to price up some windows for my house. I have to replace about 5 of them. The rest of the day will be more unpacking. I think I can clear out my kitchen today. At least that’s the goal.

I think I’m going to Bill’s Clam Shack with my friend tonight. She’ll sing, I will buy one glass of wine, which is so remarkably cheap down here, compared to CT, because the taxes on alcohol are so much lower. That will be fun. I need to get out, and meet people, and my friend knows people everywhere we go.

I’ve never lived in an area that has major league sports teams, but Tampa, which is about 10 miles away had a lot of them. Today is the home opener for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and OMG, it’s all I hear about if I turn on the local news, lol. My son has the same experience with Denver, and the Broncos. Probably even more so there. Different experience.

I think I’ll get dressed and head down to the water again. I so love watching the sun come up, it starts my day in such a good place. It’s also nice to walk in the early morning. It’s not so hot, and I’ve lost a couple pounds since I’ve been here. If I could lose 8 or 10 more I’d be where I want to be.

Life is good. Love and light.

I took a day off today from unpacking. Maybe I should not have because tonight I wish I’d gotten something done. But there were some big tag sales, and then it was free admission day at some of the great museums in the area.

There was nothing at the tag sales. I can’t buy anything, I have too much stuff to unpack. I told my friend, that “this whole place looks like my house.” It did.

Then we went to the St. Petersburg Museum of Fine Arts. It’s a lovely museum with Monets, Georgia O’keefes, a lot of antiquities. We only walked through half of it. I was on sensory overload after half. We went back to the car to find a $35 parking ticket. Apparently we were in a “loading zone” where the parking is limited. But the signage was quite confusing. We’d seen the sign and thought it refered to the area ahead of us which was a driveway. Not the carefully painted out parking place that we parked in. So much for a free day, lol.

We rode through the arts section of St. Pete to get there. It is pretty, somewhat upscale, and there are many galleries, one of which my friend is signed up with to show her paintings. The museum is right on the harbor, a beautiful park like setting. I was glad to go, and I drove. To learn my way around a little bit more.

My friend wanted me to swim with her in her complexes pool, but she goes for 2 hours. I would have gone for 10 or 15 minutes, but not two hours, despite the fact it was 94° on my cars thermometer. So I dropped her off and came home. Have had a glass of wine, some snacks, and will be making dinner shortly.

I’ve considered going to the pier to watch the sun set over St. Pete beach, but am opting out of it. Not tonight. I am needing to find some peace in my own space at the moment. There is a bit of reality setting in here, that even though this is where I want to be, this is how I want to live, I can’t go back. I can only go on in the direction I’ve set out for myself. Tonight, I am missing my old peeps though. Wishing my sister were down here. Missing parts of my old life.

There’s some adjustment, it’s not all easy. That’s all.