Category Archives: Letting Go

BLOCKED. FINALLY. 

Posted on by learning to live like water

  

I blocked him. Finally. No contact is definitely the path I need to follow. I realized on the way to work today that nothing he could say would make me feel any better about the way he broke me, willfully, with premeditation.  Like a monster.  And that anything he had to say would most likely make it worse. 

So I told him that in a text and told him he is blocked . He knows he can leave a voice mail. And I haven’t blocked email, yet.  

But as I have said since the beginning of this nightmare Saturday, there is no way back from this. I would NEVER expose myself to this kind of damage again. EVER. 

It is a huge relief, to have finally come out of the fog of so much pain. I’m not over it yet, the treachery is just so broad. But I made a huge step this morning in letting go, so that I can fully heal. 

Sigh….finally I can get on with the business of healing all my broken pieces. 

Releasing

Posted on by learning to live like water

release-the-past-let-it-go

I managed to get through a 10 minute meditation this morning.  It was on releasing the past.  It reminded me to frame the past in such a way that I understand that what was done to me, was done from the level of consciousness that S was at when he did it.  It wasn’t done purposefully to hurt me, he is just unconscious of how his actions hurt, devastate people.  Because he fears vulnerability so much, and keeps so many walls around himself, he cannot possibly understand what it is like to have no walls up.

I always believed he had a higher level of consciousness, though I don’t know why I thought that.  Maybe because he is smart, it seemed something he would know.  He could discuss almost anything, intelligently.  I guess, the ability to speak about it, and have academic understanding, is a long ways from feeling it, and knowing it, and living from that level in your heart.

I was able to maybe release just a teeny bit of it.  There is still so much hurt, that if I think about it, I just fall apart.  Someone who is so smart, should be wise enough, compassionate enough not to willfully hurt someone who loves him.  Or so I thought.  But his level of consciousness is so wrapped up in his ego…I know it’s hard for him to even see me.

But I see him.  I wish I didn’t, but I always have, I always will.

Dealing With It

Posted on by learning to live like water

So…this morning, after I had cried an inordinate amount of time, I got on FB and chatted with my best friend. The one who told me not to talk about him to her, because she knew he was only going to continue to hurt me. I told her….she felt bad for me. When it comes to our friendship, nothing can really hurt us. When she loves you, she loves you, she’s like me with that, and it’s why we are so close. I thank God that I have people in my life like her. She has always made me feel like family, literally, invites me to every holiday and family gathering of her large boisterous fun clan. They are all used to me, lol. Because I have no family here, it has been a godsend for me.

Then I talked to A, who I totally blew off yesterday, in my pain. A also loves me, like my friend. Unconditionally. I told him in pieces what happened. I have been chatting with him on and off, and today he is such a blessing to me. He lets me know that there are men who can love and be loved unconditionally. He told me again today, that he loves me, but we are purely friends now, because he has chosen to live in the Southwest, and me here and Florida, and nothing else would work. He is so angry that this happened to me, he is as angry as my son. They know it was me who was stupid enough to buy into what S was selling, but still….A has called him a prick. I told him don’t waste your energy hating S, he’s his own worst enemy.

It was A who really has talked me down. He could be mean and bitter, and not talk to me, I have so screwed him over for S. But he isn’t. He loves me so much, he makes me feel good about myself. He thinks I’m beautiful. He thinks I’m funny. He knows I’m flawed, and he just told me he loves my flaws. And we are just friends. We were intimate, once, now we are just friends. He is seeing someone in his new home, and I am happy for him. He said, she knows about you….I said, because you are an honest and loving man.

How different from a man who would blindside me, inflicting as much pain as possible.

Dark vs light. Night vs. Day. Ego vs. spirit. We all choose. Make no mistake, S, you chose to be who you are.

I have been talking to a friend from here on WhatsApp. She and I have similar issues, she has been so helpful. My ex’s cousin, who is a close friend, and is the closest thing to family I have, has helped me a lot too.

So I have people, people who love me, people who support me. I need to surround myself with people like myself, who can love without limit, and accept the same. Whose only dysfunction might be they care too much, lol.

I also reactivated a dating profile on one site. I am just putting the energy out there. I’m free, I’m available, I am willing. And that’s a huge thing, to be willing.

I am beginning to get past it. I can see how toxic S is, for me, for himself. I see so clearly how he is only comfortable with extreme dysfunction. And how I wasn’t, and why our relationship would end every 2 weeks. There was a HUGE physical attraction. There is some kind of energetic connection. But I can have that with someone who can love and appreciate being loved, can’t I?

Pretty soon I’ll block his phone number, so when Betty Boop goes home tonight he can’t reach me. I’ll delete his texts soon, so I don’t see them when I open my app. I’ll get rid of all his pictures. I already did that with some that were my favorites. I don’t want to hear from him, he can’t do anything but give me more pain. I know this is a roller coaster. I know that I will go from anger to pain to healing over and over again. This is the first wave of feeling like I will survive. And it feels fucking good.

I bought a dark chocolate caramel chocolate bar to take him. Or give to him if he came here. Yesterday, I thought I’d throw it away. I though I would gag if I tried to eat it. Today, I think I will open it, and eat some. I’ve wasted enough on him. Why waste $3 more?

So…to paraphase one of my favorite authors, and spiritual guides, Brene Brown, from her TED talk on vulnerability, instead of catastrophizing my life because I got involved with a shit, I will thank God that I can hurt this much, that I could be so passionate, that I can love that deeply, because it means I am alive, and not dead, not walking around numb to this life. And for those that are numb, and settling for a life that will bring them pain after pain, I can’t feel anything but pity.

Out of the Fog

Posted on by learning to live like water

  

My struggle seems to have taken a time-out this morning.

I went to a gong bath last night.  My hour long (or slightly longer) meditation spent in darkness, laying on the floor, blanket pulled up, and mask over my eyes, while 8 gongs vibrated, and crystal bowls sang, and drums beat and bells chimed in a wondrous cacophony of healing.  I set an intention last night going in.  It was to send love to all those in my life, love without strings, just send it to the universe and let the universe decide how to bring it to them.  I sent it to S, to my ex husband, to my son, to my friends.  To my mother, my sisters.  I visualized the pink energy threads spreading out from me, touching these people.

When the tsunami’s came (the tsunami is our name for when the gongs are played with such intensity that the vibrations wash over you like a tsunami, and you cannot hold a thought, whatever needs to bubble up for release is compelled then, there is no escape as the vibration of 8 gongs being wailed on reaches your very cellular level and finds what needs healing and opens the door) I sobbed.  For what, I didn’t know, but release is always good, and probably, at the gong bath, more common than not.

I had gone with a friend.  It’s nice to have a friend with me, I usually do, but last night I wished I was driving home alone, too many emotions, and none were coherent enough to put into words.  So, I let her talk, she is addicted to her phone, and I let her tell me all the funny memes that she was reading as I drove back to where we’d left her car.  (“I put $1 in an envelope every time my wife and I have sex, and what’s in there is all I’m spending on her for Christmas.  So far she’s getting a cup of coffee.”)  The time passed amicably.

Then I got stuck in traffic.  They are doing major major highway reconstruction at night, and it held me up a good half hour.  The emotions which the gongs shook to the surface began to appear, like a wound that won’t close.  I longed once more for what never would be, I couldn’t find a pathway between what I know I can accept and what I want more than anything.  I felt like all those pink threads that I sent out were pulling on me, painfully, 100 little threads pulling my heart apart. Struggle.

I sent out a text, to which there was no response.  Understandably, but still, painfully silent.

When I got home, late, because of the traffic, I wept as I wrote “Only You”.  More release.

I climbed into bed, and tried to read.  My book club is reading “The Sacred Year” by Michael Yankovich.  I wasn’t crazy about it at first, but I like it more and more as I read.  His year becomes a deeper and deeper search into his soul.  Finally, I shut the light out, it was late, I was exhausted.  But the struggle seems to like that time, when I am tired and it’s late, to make me think about it.

I have been trying to wean myself off of the Ambien to sleep.  Started with the carpal tunnel, because it helped me sleep through a lot of the pain.  Last weekend I made it through a night without it.  But not since.  I tried last night, but lay there, with a knot in my heart and the pit of my stomach, and finally got out of bed and took one more, so I wouldn’t be up all night, struggling.

I was thinking then, that I might ask for something today, that would probably not serve me well, except it would stop the pain, for a little while.  Not having any resolution but thanks to the Ambien, I fell soundly asleep for 6 hours.

This morning, it seems, the gongs work becomes evident.  What bubbled up last night, what was pulled out of me at the very cellular level, needed to come up, and I  needed to release it.  While I still feel the struggle, it is not so fresh, not like a new wound again.  More like one that is healing, a wound that brings bittersweet memories with it, but is healing, not bleeding anymore.

And really, who knows which wound causes the struggle?  There are many, we all have many.  I have chosen one, it seems, at which to direct my emotions.  I think, really, the struggle is multi-faceted, and not completely caused by present moment events.

I was surprised to walk out on my deck at 6 AM this morning and find the world shrouded in fog.  As if some greater power knew I needed this time alone, no distractions of bright golden sunrises, or even morning stars.  I know they are there, I know I will see them again, but I needed to focus on this this morning .

It is good to regain my focus, and to think I can move forward in letting go of things that have not served me, even if I love them.  I will always love them.  And that’s a good thing.  To love without attachment.  I’m trying, anyway.

The End Is In Sight This Morning

Posted on by learning to live like water

I’m up early this morning.  I have been out on the deck since the very first rays of sunlight edged the eastern horizon.  It’s still, the birds are not even singing yet.  And it’s cool, I’m wrapped in a blanket.  It promises to be a beautiful day.

I’d thought I was going to the beach today, but that didn’t work out.  It’s ok, though.  I am going for a walk with a friend this morning, just back from Martha’s Vineyard where she has a summer home.  It will be good to catch up.  My son will be home from his music festival in the early afternoon, and it will be good to see him, have his somewhat chaotic energy back in the house.  And his help in finding and getting rid of the snake!

I am better this morning.  I have a selenite healing wand with a fluorite tip on it.  The two stones are very healing.  I held it to my heart last night.  One of selenite’s metaphysical properties is that it helps to break up patterns, and I felt it was exactly what I needed to get over S.  I need to break up the pattern that my mind and heart go through when I think of him.  I held it there, and repeated “detach” like a mantra.  Focusing on the word, on visually seeing the energetic cords break off and fall away.  I fell asleep with it that way.  I think it helped.  Because this morning when I think of him, I remember all the ways we did not get along, all the reasons I tried to break it off with him all summer, and he kept drawing me back in.

Looking back, I suppose he just didn’t want to be alone.  I don’t think that he thought that, purposefully.  Just, he really has so few people in his life.  His daughter and son, and one good friend that I know of.  He wasn’t in love with me, but he liked the fact that I was.

I am putting that in the past tense.  I think I can just begin to feel the transformation of what I felt for him, becoming something else.  Something less painful, something more like the words of that song “You’re just someone that I used to love.”   No mean intent, just that I can feel the first tendrils of moving my heart away from him, and the pain and chaos loving him has cost me.

I’ve known for months we were not meant to be.  We never saw each other for one, which was his decision. Not mine.  But I stopped fighting it long ago.  I saw him maybe 4 times all summer.  So why is it such a big deal that he is not with me now?  Because he’s with someone else, and it feels like rejection.  Because I am jealous, I would have liked to be someone he wanted to spend more time with, but I never was, so I need to stop making it out to be like he ever wanted to be with me anyway.  He just liked keeping me on the periphery of his life, liked knowing there was someone out there who adored him.

Well, I don’t, adore him at the moment.  I’m not mad, but this morning I am real.  His relationships are all pretty dysfunctional.  He has been healing the one with his daughter, but Betty Boop will probably reverse that in a big hurry.  Too bad.

I have lived such a dysfunctional life with my ex, that I was comfortable with S’s ability to create a dysfunctional relationship with me.  I realized that this summer, there are probably 3 or 4 blogs about how I tried to end it with him, and he talked me out of it.  Most notably, the time in maybe July, where he had just pulled me back in with the possibility of him being very sick, and then disappeared on me for 4 days.  I mean, literally, on the weekend, he called and asked me not to “dump” him, and told me how he is sick and the constant pain of his headaches was making him behave poorly, and so I didn’t, and I think he came up to my house that weekend, maybe.  Then the next weekend his mother died and he disappeared to New Jersey, without a word, and I was calling the hospitals here to see if he’d been admitted, because I was afraid he had an aneurysm.  I was so terrified.  He came home and texted me like it was nothing.

Dysfunction.

I don’t need that.  He once told me that he and his ex gf used to fight passionately, and make up passionately, and that there had been many times when they had separated for months at a time.  This was when we first met, and I thought, I don’t want any fighting passionately.  When a fight begins, I run.  I was the runner.  I have had more than my share of hard fought, blood and guts fights in my life, and I don’t like them.  Back then, he didn’t yet know she had married within months of leaving him.  I think he thought it was just another temporary break up.  One day she messaged him, after I’d been seeing him for a couple of months, said she wanted to see him.  Of course, I was terrified, and he was kinder then, than now.  He told me to not worry, that I was taking him out of the equation, that he was just going to talk to her, and it didn’t mean he was going back to her.  Turns out she wanted to meet with him to tell him face to face she was married.  He disappeared then for 2 days.  Wouldn’t talk to me, or answer my texts, left me hanging out to dry, just kind of like this weekend.  The difference was he gave our relationship no consideration this time, He just said, “she’s back in my life.”  After 18 months.  He let go of me so fast, that it’s taken me days just to get up on my own two feet again.  I was blindsided, not only by Betty Boop’s appearance in his life, and mine by extension, but by how easily and quickly he threw our relationship to the wind.

Well, it’s all moot now.  She’s back, and I am letting go.  I think about all the hurt, all the times he disregarded my feelings because he couldn’t cope with his own.  When I am in a relationship with someone, him included, generally I consider their feelings first.  He and I both were dysfunctional, we could not figure out how to make it work.

It was a bad relationship.  It is good that something happened to make it actually end, to create an ending that there is no bridge from to get back to where we were.  Where we were was not a good place anyway.  I know there are much better places ahead of me, than behind me.

I’m going to have a good day today.  The knot in my stomach has unraveled some.  I made a pot of chili yesterday, but couldn’t eat any of it.  We’ll have it today, with some good bread.  I’ll work at opening the door for something “magnificent” to walk through.  I know the rest of my life will be wonderful, I know what I want, and where I’m going and what I’m going to do when I get there. S is beginning to fade, and I can imagine, for the first time, that a day is coming where I don’t think of him wistfully.  Maybe kind of, he was kind of a cool guy but so messed up.  I’d like to remember him fondly, but not painfully.  Someday.

Not there yet, but like I say, I know where I’m going and what I want, and that’s what I want.  Just to let go of it all, say I loved him once, we had some fun, but we had more pain, and we let it go.

The end.

Taking Stock

Posted on by learning to live like water

I guess I am taking stock of where I am.  How am I doing, really, after the nasty break up?  And not talking to S all week.

I have to say, I’m ok.  I find myself a little pissed off at him from time to time, but then, it’s really at myself. Not like anyone couldn’t have seen it coming.  I loved him, enough that I put blinders on to the red flags.  I am beginning to get used to the texts not being from him, when my alert goes off.  And it doesn’t bring a pang of sadness either.  I don’t know why, but I am sitting on my deck, it’s evening, and for some reason I keep feeling like he’s going to be walking up the steps any minute, but I know damned well he is not, and I don’t want him to.  Just a feeling.  Maybe he’s thinking about me, or something.  Maybe I’m making it up, lol.  Just that we had that kind of connection, and just because part of it is over, doesn’t mean the connection is broken.  It would be easier if it was.  And maybe it is, it just needs time to deactivate.

I have been so angry at him, for being so ugly, and for the way he sucked me back in, only to hurt me.  Why apologize to me, and say you will never do those things again, when that is so far from your intention. The last day I saw him, we lay in bed and fell asleep.  He had a hold of my hand, and every time I tried to move it, he grasped it tighter.  Why?  Just because he could?  And because he could make me think there was something there?

There wasn’t.  Not anything.  Yet I believed over and over again that there was.  Because I wanted to.  Because what was an illusion was what I dreamed of.  He knew, and he played me, to get what he wanted.  Then he unplayed me, again, to get what he wanted.  And me, the willing participant.

Sigh.  I am not really hurting, just reviewing my part in this.  How I allowed myself to be used, and thus abused. How can I blame him, he loves the dark side.  It is exactly what someone who craves that would do.  Powerful ego.  Drives him to prove to himself he can do it, I guess.  Wow.  Cool.  Ugly.

I don’t regret that I loved him.  It’s never a bad thing to put love out into the world.  And he needs love probably more than anyone I ever met.  I love being in love.  I just hope next time, that it’s real, that the object of my affection feels somewhat the same, and has no desire to manipulate me to make himself feel good.  I hope I see the signs and believe them, and am a little more pragmatic.

I’ve been talking to A quite a bit since he kind of came apart on me the other night.  But we are more close friends, even though he occasionally says he wishes I were there with him, or he here with me.  He’s just lonely, it’s been just he and his son for 3 months now, except for short stays with friends or relatives.  And A likes the company of a woman.  It’s nice to have a male friend who tries to make me feel good about myself.

So, how am I doing?  I’m fine.  It’s requiring a little more introspection than I thought it would.  I mean, I was trying to end that relationship for weeks, and he kept drawing me back in with his illness, with his apology.  Just so he wouldn’t have to feel like I dumped him.  Why go there?  I kept telling him we wanted different things.  He kept saying I had no idea what he wanted.  Well, I do.  I did then, and I do now.  He wants to grieve his angel of darkness for the rest of his days, and see how many women he can bed while he does it.  More power to him.  I will not be among the many.

Some Idle Thoughts on a Summer’s Evening.

Posted on by learning to live like water

Feeling “mellow” tonight.  I am feeling free of S.  I  have no emotion at all, no anger, no pain, but no romantic love, no longing either.  I wish him well…I just wish him to leave me alone.  It got worse before it was done completely, which is not what I wanted, but it wasn’t my choice.  The unconditional love remains, that love which I try to have for everyone.  But as for sharing a life, having a relationship, that’s done.  I realize because of the “Lucky 7” things, I had hoped for more than was ever possible.  I accept reality, and realize we are way more different than similar.  It was never going to go anywhere, and was bound to end as it did.

I think he “unfollowed” me today, or someone did, anyway, because i lost a follower.  i assume it was him.  And that’s a good thing.  I hope he loses the address for this blog too.  I dislike constantly worrying if what I write is going to be taken wrong, and piss him off.  I wasn’t willing to give up the right to write what I felt to keep him happy.  I don’t think I could have kept him happy anyway, no matter what I wrote or didn’t write.

I heard from A tonight.  He’s leaving Seattle where he’s been staying at his brother’s lake home for  a few days, and heading for the Cascades and Canadian Rockies.  We talked on Facetime, it’s kind of cool to be talking face to face.  I have never used it before.  He’s such a nice, happy, sweet man.  He always makes me feel good about myself. Always smiling.  But there are 1000’s of miles between us, which will always remain.  All I know is it’s nice to have a friend like him right now.

I often wonder what my relationship with A would have been like, if I had not been involved with S already when I met A.  I keep thinking that a relationship, deeper than the one we have, would have developed, and then I would have been so morose when he left.  So, I think it worked out for the best for us both, because neither of us got so attached that his leaving was painful.  I know he loves me, and I love him in a different way.  More than a friend, but not the way I used to love S, with longing that ached.  Which is a good thing because there will always be a big distance between us, and neither of us will ever entertain the idea that we could be together.

Well, pensive tonight I guess, on the end of my relationship with S.  On whatever my relationship with A is.  I don’t feel like dating, I don’t really want the complication of a man in my life right now.  I have a lot going on to get ready to put my house on the market.  I’m gonna hang out with my girlfriends, go to the beach, do a Paint Nite, and just generally put myself back together. It will be nice to have some time with out chaos.

The End of The Line

Posted on by learning to live like water

After I posted my last three blogs yesterday I heard from S via text.  His normal greeting, kind of joking, kidding, laden with sexual innuendo.  I am used to it, but I didn’t play along.  I was not unfriendly, I just don’t want to go there.  Then apparently he read all the blogs while we texted. Or, more correctly while we stopped texting.  When I heard from him again, he was upset over the blogs, tho would give me no specifics.

I told him I wished he would stop reading them.  That his reading them makes me feel like I need to censure what I say for his benefit.  But I don’t..I won’t.  I need to write what is on my mind without fear of repercussion, it is my way of working through things.  But him reading the blogs, and my feelings on our difficult relationship, has caused so many problems.

I got silence.  He did not respond to me.  I knew he was angry.  I re-read them quickly, but really didn’t think they were offensive.  Maybe the reblog of “Exhausted” could be perceived that way.  Had the tables been turned I would have asked questions, but that’s not his way.

He said, “I am gone.”  I said, “Ok, Love always.”

I was not upset.  He has been gone from this relationship in any real way for a long time, and I have accepted that, and given up any expectation that he would ever care for me in the way I did for him.  And I have also become clear in my own head that I don’t want any part of the push pull game that goes on endlessly between us.  Pulling me to him til he has me, then pushing me away til I am gone. Repeat and repeat ad infinitum.

I guess he made the same decision that I did, that this relationship doesn’t work.  But I don’t know, will never know his real reasons for saying he was gone.  I have been pretty gone since the 4 day silence a week ago. That was the ultimate push me phase, and it sent me far from him.  The conversation this weekend was the beginning of the pull me back to him phase, but it wasn’t happening for me.  I don’t know if he thought it was.

I know very little about his thoughts, he does not share them.  This blog is about my feelings, it is about what I see in our relationship.  It is, because it’s my blog, my viewpoint.  I know he sees things differently, but I don’t know much about his viewpoint.  It’s ok, it’s exhausting to have to wrap my head around him and try to make sense of what he wants when he keeps his silence and his emotional distance from me. I can’t do it any more, and apparently neither can he.

It’s all good.  I am fine.  I accepted the end when I was panic stricken over his health and realized he went to New Jersey and was actually refusing to ease my mind. If truth be told, I was at the end the week before, when I was trying to end it, because I was so unhappy, and the health issues came up, only telling me so I wouldn’t leave him.  It was manipulative to do that, it was cruel to leave me hanging.

I loved him well, I will always love him.  I just accept fully that we are not meant to be.  It was fun for awhile, but it’s not any more.  I needed the relationship to evolve.  It was de-volving in my view.  I think we are at the end here this time.

The Second Day

Posted on by learning to live like water

Day 2 of no contact with S.  It was much easier, I was much less angry, less confused, less bitter. He runs through my mind occasionally, as in “Why the hell would he treat someone that loved him like that?”  Because, God, I loved him so much.  But I have been able to quickly shake the thought out of my mind.  He did.  He does.  Repeatedly.  I don’t know why.  And it doesn’t matter why.  The fact is he does, and I am free of it.   And what of the love I felt for him?  The unconditional love remains, but I don’t want to see him or talk to  him.  The passionate love, the desire to be with him, is, as Pink Floyd says, “receding”.  Such a perfect description. I can breathe again.

My son and I happened to both be home for dinner tonight.  He put some chicken jalapeno sausage on the grill while I had a glass of wine.  Then we added a whole bunch of food that he brought home from Bobby Flay’s restaurant at the Mohegan Sun Casino, Bar American.  One of his friends is a chef there, and that’s a GOOD connection to have!  He said the kitchen is allowed to comp their family and friends….he paid for 2 appetizers, two entrees and desert, they comped him 4 more appetizers, another entree, another dessert.  Way more food than any two humans could eat, and unbelievably good.

The best part was that I got to sit and eat with my son, and chat with him for awhile, not something I often get to do.  He’s 23, and now we have these adult conversations, lol.  About his girl, my issues, plans, time off, when’s the lawn going to get cut, etc.  Out in the summer evening, warm but not hot.  Blue sky with a few puffy white clouds.  It was a treat.

Starting to feel myself.  No drama, no heartache, no pain.  Peace and quiet.  Lovely.

At least, for tonight, all is well.

Putting Myself Back Together

Posted on by learning to live like water

My morning meditation was disturbed by a thunderstorm this morning.  A warm, soft rain had been falling, which suddenly became a thunderstorm.  I had to end the mediation prematurely and make sure the open windows were not allowing the rain in the house.  They were not, thank goodness.  I didn’t want to have to shut the windows.  It’s not hot enough to turn on the air conditioning, but if all the windows need closing, I’d have to turn it on.

S has not tried to reach me, which I’m not surprised at, but grateful for. I’ve been able to calm my emotions, stop flinching when the text alert goes off on my phone.  Last night I stopped at my cousin’s house on the way home and we went for Chinese food together.  Actually, she’s my ex’s cousin, but one of my best friends.  I knew she was going through a hard time, and was alone last night. So it did us both good.  It’s a blessing to have someone in my life here, who knew me 40 years ago, and for her too.

I still hear from my friend A, such a sweet man.  He’s on the Olympic peninsula in the extreme northwest of the country, 3000 miles from here.  He sent out a group text yesterday of looking across the water and being able to see Canada.  He seems to be really enjoying his trip, and why not?  Retired, financially stable.  Like he said, he’s not flunking retirement, lol.

Hope I can find someone to hang out with this weekend, maybe go to the beach on Sunday, it’s supposed to be hot.  We’re off work on Friday, so we get a lovely 3 day weekend.  Looking forward to it. Might try to get my deck ready to paint.

So, life goes on, peacefully now.  Putting the pieces together, but trying to make something new out of them.