My son’s last day was today. For the first time, he came home and sounds pretty excited about the move. It makes it SOOO much easier for me, if he actually wants to do this, not HAS to do it. He’s got plans for every day after I leave, I think. The day I leave, he and his friend are going to go tailgate at a Bronco’s game. The next day he has a concert, and might connect with a friend from here who now lives there. The next day they’re going to a Rockies MLB game. I am so excited for him. It just makes me so happy to know he’s figuring out how to make this work for him.

Life is good tonight.

I went to see my friend Linda. We talked and talked, and at the end of the convo, she was talking about keeping her beach place in RI, selling her huge beautiful home, and buying a place near me in FL. She said, “Then we could bring the gongs.” OMG. I started crying. I told her if she was living near me with the gongs, I would be in fucking heaven.

The gong baths have gotten me through so much, just so much.  From my contentious divorce, fighting for my son, the Supreme Court, and of course, the break up with Scott that I thought would kill me.  They have played a HUGE role in my healing.

All of this wouldn’t be a for a couple of years. I told her by then I’d have a following awaiting her arrival with the gongs. Even Scott used to say to me, the day after I’d been to a gong bath, “You need a gong bath every day.” Because they so centered and grounded me. Very excited about that prospect.

I got considerably more of the kitchen packed up today. Then I sat on the couch and fell asleep, so went up to my bedroom and actually took a nap. I feel like years of being overtired are manifesting now that I can relax, and actually sleep when I’m tired. It’s amazing, really.

I told my son about his father having a pony tail tonight. He gasped, and looked at me with eyes like saucers, and said, “oh I’m SO glad we didn’t go. That would not have been good.”

I’m starting to look forward to our drive. It will be good time for us. I told him tonight that it was cool that our last a bit thing will be this long cross-country drive together. He agreed. Damn, I love that kid.

I’ve given up on not having a glass of wine in the evening when I’m done with all my stuff for the day. I feel like I need the express lane to unwinding with all the stuff that I have to accomplish every day. It’s crazy. The idea of sitting in the car and doing nothing is not so unappealing at the moment, lol.

Life moves on. Gratefully.

Love and light.

Last night I thought I heard my son come home early, around 9, instead of 9:45 as usual. But he didn’t come in the house, so I wasn’t sure what was going on. Then, he called me, and told me that some of his friends were here, lol, they had come to say goodbye but they beat him home. LOL. By the time he got home, there were 5 of them waiting for him.

He told me how this girl he’s been seeing, who he says they are just close friends, because he is moving and they didn’t want it to go further, was coming over tonight or tomorrow, and will be here Friday morning when we leave. He said, she’s starting to lose it big time. She’s in her senior year of college, so there’s no chance she was going to follow him out there in the near future.

Anyway, the whole thing made me realize how friggin’ hard this will be for him on Friday to drive away from this house. Everything he’s ever known, tons of good friends…..OMG, I know we will both be bawling our eyes out.

This whole trip is just eating at me today. I am nervous, I am wishing so much he were coming to Florida with me. I find myself angry at his stupid father, because if he HAD a father at all, he could have stayed here and lived with him. But he’d rather go 2000 miles away than share living space with his dad.

I did my morning meditation, and it came to me to call Linda, my friend who plays the gongs. Because she gets me, probably better than anyone really, on a spiritual level. I’m going to miss the last gong bath on Thursday night because I just can’t, leaving Friday morning early. We have to pack the car etc. I have been wanting to say goodbye to her, so we talked and I’m going to go shower and go see her. I’m sure that will help me get out of this fear mode I’m in right now.

Funny, how the universe just directed me to do what would help me the most.

Love and light, all.

I did packing / get ready stuff all morning, into the afternoon I got a can of WD40 and fixed the door locks, first of all. I made a couple of boxes, I wrapped up some kitchen stuff in bubble wrap. I cleaned out the coat closet, and sorted into throw away, give to Salvation Army, and the light jackets are going with me. Did the same with winter boots, and all the scarves, gloves and hats. and my shoes in my bedroom. Threw away all the winter-type shoes. 🙂 Started a box for electronic stuff, and put all my old LP’s in it first of all. Did some laundry, and got my suitcases out so I can start sorting the clothes that will go in the carry-on to CO, and the rest, of which I will stuff as much as possible into my regular suitcase to carry in the car. And dealt with getting my son’s car on his own insurance.

Then, by 2 PM I was done. Just done. I called my cousin, who went to the family wedding this week, and she was about to go to Whole Foods. She waited for me, and I went with her. She told me my ex looks bad. Overweight, and has a ponytail. OMG, a ponytail. This was a guy who couldn’t stand for one hair to be out of place oh his head. Bought tons of Consort hairspray. I’m so glad my son didn’t see him like that. Geezus. And he’s telling everyone how he ran 5 miles that morning. OMG, and he thinks people believe him. Really.

Cousin could hardly talk to him. She felt bad, but she has so much of her own family drama. I said, “Don’t feel bad, he’s just work. He really is. He wants everyone to feel sorry for him, and blame me.” She told me my sister-in-law, not the mother of the bride but brother-in-law’s wife, had gained back at least 100 lbs of the weight she’d lost last time I saw her, 10 years ago. And couldn’t shut up about my ex’s “mental illness.” She’s a trip too, we never got along, and that’s mostly because the two brothers were brought up to hate each other. But she’s hyper possessive of her husband (my BIL) and does not like anyone to have a conversation with him that does not include her. Cousin said she was happy to talk to SIL alone but also wanted to catch up with BIL alone, but SIL wouldn’t have it.

What a bunch of childish bullshit. Geezus. I forgot how dysfunctional that family is. I’m used to my family, where everyone loves everyone, and we all sit around the table and make each other laugh. And tell each other we love each other on a regular basis. I can’t imagine an unkind word when we are all together.

Can you say, “Glad. I. Didn’t. Go.”????? Yikes. Talk about major ridiculous dysfunction.

So now I’m home from Whole Foods, with a big tray of their store made Chicken Parm to eat this week. And a Whoopie Pie cake, gluten free, from a gluten free bakery on the way home. It was a fun outing. Nice to get out of the house. Settling in with a glass of wine.

I realized I was getting antsy because I am so used to being with people all day long. And at work, I longed for my own space, crisis free. Today I was happy to get out, be with people for awhile, and then come back here and settle in for the night. Deciding now on a 2^nd glass of wine.

I think I’m going to google the town I live in and see how close a Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s is to it. Maybe a Sam’s Club too.

Feeling pretty good tonight. I’ve been telling everyone, “Until we meet again”, not “Goodbye”. It seems to work. I don’t feel so much like I’m losing people. The friend who made me lobsters last night told her daughter I’m going to stay with her for a week next summer.

I’m not losing anything. But gaining so much. It’s all good. It will all be fine. Life is good.

Love and light, all.