Haiku No. 168: Letting Go

letting go of son

Tears bleed from my eyes
As the child becomes a man.
So much has happened.

The time to let go
Is never good, nor easy.
Twenty-four years, blinked.

Ours, a few short years.
I pray I’ve done my job well.
Stand back, watch him fly.


Mercury Retrograde?? NOW? Come on….

I just saw on FB that Mercury went retrograde yesterday. I checked, www.ismercuryinretrograde.com, and yes, it will be that way until Sept. 22. When Mercury is in retrograde the site says, “Yes, that may account for the weirdness….”

If you are unaware of what it means, astrologically Mercury governs communication and intellect. When it’s in retrograde, communication of all types can become difficult.  Decisions can be harder to make.

This concerns me, because Mercury retrograde is not a good time to start anything new. And…I and my son are starting EVERYTHING new during this time. New lives, new places to live, he a new job, me retirement.


This time-table is not of our choosing. So we will have to work through it. It seems we have done all the prep in times when Mercury was not retrograde.

I have to believe the time-table has been set by the universe and meant to be.

It’s also a new moon, tomorrow. Which I hope takes precedence over Mercury’s antics. The new moon is the best time to set intentions for what you want, to plant the seeds that will blossom into your life. Both my son and I have been doing this for some time.

While I believe these things, Mercury Retrograde, and the New Moon, can energetically affect us all, I don’t believe that they are over-riding and can undo months of planning, and strength of desires, and beliefs. What having this knowledge does for me, is make me more aware of my world, of the energies that wrap around us moment by moment. For example, retrograde may have contributed to me waking up at 4:30 this morning, but not as much as the fact that my son and I are leaving for Denver day after tomorrow, and I keep replaying the lists of things that need to be accomplished before we leave, and after I get back.

So, off I go today on my list of chores, knowing that I may have to work through a little more resistance than I would have expected. Maybe I’ll have a little New Moon ceremony tomorrow, light a candle and set intentions for our trip that it all go smoothly and easily. Couldn’t hurt. I tend to believe more in positive energy (setting intentions) than negative energy (Mercury retrograde). I think the positive energy is far more powerful.

Love and light, all.

Life is Good Tonight

My son’s last day was today. For the first time, he came home and sounds pretty excited about the move. It makes it SOOO much easier for me, if he actually wants to do this, not HAS to do it. He’s got plans for every day after I leave, I think. The day I leave, he and his friend are going to go tailgate at a Bronco’s game. The next day he has a concert, and might connect with a friend from here who now lives there. The next day they’re going to a Rockies MLB game. I am so excited for him. It just makes me so happy to know he’s figuring out how to make this work for him.

Life is good tonight.

I went to see my friend Linda. We talked and talked, and at the end of the convo, she was talking about keeping her beach place in RI, selling her huge beautiful home, and buying a place near me in FL. She said, “Then we could bring the gongs.” OMG. I started crying. I told her if she was living near me with the gongs, I would be in fucking heaven.

The gong baths have gotten me through so much, just so much.  From my contentious divorce, fighting for my son, the Supreme Court, and of course, the break up with Scott that I thought would kill me.  They have played a HUGE role in my healing.

All of this wouldn’t be a for a couple of years. I told her by then I’d have a following awaiting her arrival with the gongs. Even Scott used to say to me, the day after I’d been to a gong bath, “You need a gong bath every day.” Because they so centered and grounded me. Very excited about that prospect.

I got considerably more of the kitchen packed up today. Then I sat on the couch and fell asleep, so went up to my bedroom and actually took a nap. I feel like years of being overtired are manifesting now that I can relax, and actually sleep when I’m tired. It’s amazing, really.

I told my son about his father having a pony tail tonight. He gasped, and looked at me with eyes like saucers, and said, “oh I’m SO glad we didn’t go. That would not have been good.”

I’m starting to look forward to our drive. It will be good time for us. I told him tonight that it was cool that our last a bit thing will be this long cross-country drive together. He agreed. Damn, I love that kid.

I’ve given up on not having a glass of wine in the evening when I’m done with all my stuff for the day. I feel like I need the express lane to unwinding with all the stuff that I have to accomplish every day. It’s crazy. The idea of sitting in the car and doing nothing is not so unappealing at the moment, lol.

Life moves on. Gratefully.

Love and light.

A Little Much-Needed Direction from the Universe

Last night I thought I heard my son come home early, around 9, instead of 9:45 as usual. But he didn’t come in the house, so I wasn’t sure what was going on. Then, he called me, and told me that some of his friends were here, lol, they had come to say goodbye but they beat him home. LOL. By the time he got home, there were 5 of them waiting for him.

He told me how this girl he’s been seeing, who he says they are just close friends, because he is moving and they didn’t want it to go further, was coming over tonight or tomorrow, and will be here Friday morning when we leave. He said, she’s starting to lose it big time. She’s in her senior year of college, so there’s no chance she was going to follow him out there in the near future.

Anyway, the whole thing made me realize how friggin’ hard this will be for him on Friday to drive away from this house. Everything he’s ever known, tons of good friends…..OMG, I know we will both be bawling our eyes out.

This whole trip is just eating at me today. I am nervous, I am wishing so much he were coming to Florida with me. I find myself angry at his stupid father, because if he HAD a father at all, he could have stayed here and lived with him. But he’d rather go 2000 miles away than share living space with his dad.

I did my morning meditation, and it came to me to call Linda, my friend who plays the gongs. Because she gets me, probably better than anyone really, on a spiritual level. I’m going to miss the last gong bath on Thursday night because I just can’t, leaving Friday morning early. We have to pack the car etc. I have been wanting to say goodbye to her, so we talked and I’m going to go shower and go see her. I’m sure that will help me get out of this fear mode I’m in right now.

Funny, how the universe just directed me to do what would help me the most.

Love and light, all.

Laugh Til You Fart

(Warning:  Adults only…..)

I was talking to a dear friend tonight about how I had one man who was an awesome lover, but not fun, and another one who was not really a good lover at all, was quite self absorbed, but made me laugh all the time. He made me laugh so hard I farted once, in the middle of sex. Which had us both hysterical. (And me red-faced, lol) Once when we broke up he said, “Who’s gonna make you laugh til you fart now?” (We stayed broken up for a few days I think, lol.)

I’d rather have the laughs I think, than the heavy serious lover. I love to laugh.

In truth, I want both, lol. An unselfish, caring lover who can make me laugh til I fart.

But I remember being talked down to, because I had a rich full life with the funny one. And I said to that person, “Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? To have great sex with the man you love?” Geezus. I should feel bad about that? Or be embarrassed? WTF?

I just don’t get that attitude. As if it’s not one of the joys of being in a relationship with someone. As if sex with the person you love should be a burden.  Or you should make them feel it is.

Well, anyway, I never understood that whole thing. I suppose some people just have baggage, that keeps them from enjoying fully that wonderful part of intimacy, in a (for me) closed, monogamous relationship.  I don’t want to be judgmental.  I’m just happy that I don’t have any, lol.

I’m sure there’s someone out there (in Florida!!!) that will join me in that endeavor

Love and light, all.