Category Archives: Friends

Straight From the Bottle

Posted on by learning to live like water

I’m about to drink wine straight from the bottle. Because I don’t have a glass that’s not packed. I feel like I need to sit back and relax.  (There’s only about 1 glass left in the bottle.)  I’ve been going full tilt since 8:30 am and it’s now 5:30. Vacuumed and mopped the basement floors, and cleaned the fridge in there. It was my sons fridge, he’s 24. That should be enough to explain how much fun that was. I did score 4 beers out of it, lol, but I don’t really like beer. Oh well. Someone will drink it.

My two besties came over this morning and cleaned out my pantry and freezer. Their husbands cleaned out the garage. By cleaned out, I mean that they took all the food that was edible out of the pantry, and all the stuff from the garage that I couldn’t sell or give away.   Snow blower, weed wacker, space heaters, gas cans, all sorts of stuff.  Then the husbands helped me disconnect the TV, and put it in the box it has to go in for moving. Also the mirror which is attached to my dresser.

Then I packed more stuff. Like my printer, jewelry box, jewelry that doesn’t fit in my jewelry box, DVD player, hand soap dispensers and toothbrush holder. Cleaned two bathrooms.

Done for today. Done. Especially after talking to my sister for an hour, and my son for a half hour. I’m pretty spent.

I don’t have TV to watch tonight either. I can watch it on my computer though. So many people are asking to come by and say goodbye one more time. It’s really heartwarming. Because I don’t have time to go see everyone, but they are all willing to come here. I am grateful. Doing all this stuff alone has proven to be very hard.

The one person I really kind of hoped would say goodbye has remained silent. I’m not surprised, he couldn’t do the right thing on his best day. And neither could his girlfriend. Match made in heaven. Or maybe the other place. I’m over it, just think it would have been nice to leave things on a more positive note. He’s never been able to do things that are uplifting to anyone but himself anyway.

On the other hand, Addie, whose heart I broke over the silent one a few times, has been in touch, and still makes mefeel his   unconditional love.   I am so hsppy to hear from him. And happy that his girlfriend is secure enough and mature enough not to try to stop him.  Blessed to have that sweet man in my life, takes the sting out of the other one.

Well, onward. Not much left to do here. Thankfully. Wind it up and get my butt down to the land of sand, salt and palm trees. I’m ready.

Love and light.

A Going-Away Party

Posted on by learning to live like water

My bff, as I suspected she would, had a surprise going-away party for me last night. She’d asked me to dinner, but I know her. I knew I wasn’t going to get away with just a dinner. So when I got there about 20 of my closest friends were there.

I started to cry, just for a second, that they were all there, for me. No one, ever, has thrown a surprise party for me. Just was so nice, just wrapped up in the love of the people I love. They’ve all said they wanted to come see me in FL. I know not all of them will, I know some of them will.

We ate, and drank, and told stories, and laughed. I love going to my bff’s house, because I know I will laugh there until my stomach hurts. I only had one drink. I was tired when I got there. But it was just fun, relaxing. Caught up with everyone before I left.

A few people gave me gifts, which totally surprised me. How nice! I am going to have to get some cards that I can write thank you notes on, to all the people at work and my friends.

I don’t think there’s anyone I haven’t said goodbye to now. And I’ve been good, I’ve barely cried at all. At least not til I’m alone. I think I may cry when I leave town, maybe when I leave my house to go to my friend Susan’s for the two nights before I leave. The movers are coming Tuesday to take my stuff. Wednesday I’ll clean the house, and we’re leaving early Thursday, really early like around 5 am, to beat the NYC traffic because we have to go over one of the bridges over the Hudson. So, I will stay at her house after the movers take my stuff.

I am nervous, and anxious, and excited, and happy, and sad. I have never had so many mixed emotions about anything. Yet, I know it’s the right thing, only choice I can make that makes any sense for me to be able to spend some time not working. So I forge ahead, each day, and make the dream come a little closer. When I get to Florida, Susan will be with me, and my friend Pat from high school who lives there, and my other high school friend Cathy who is coming over from Daytona just to help me move in. So I will be greeted and in the company of more people I love. In October my sister will be down for the winter, I can’t wait for that, to be able to be close to her. It’s all good.

I am so blessed, just so incredibly blessed. That I am able to do this at all, to make this choice, to have had family to help me do it, and life-long friends. My bff toasted me last night, reminding me that we have been friends since I brought her Glorious Morning Muffins when her father died, and we sat at her kitchen table and bonded. 20 years ago. She has stuck with me through my horrible marriage and divorce, and helped me to move out, and advised me to leave Scott in the dust long before I could imagine it, but she was right. She could see how he treated me, and how I was taking it and after my ex, she couldn’t stand to see me let Scott do what he did to me. But she also never got mad at me for my inability to let him go, she knew I really loved him. Though one time, when I asked her to go shopping she said, “Ok, I’ll go, but we’re not talking about him.” LOL. And we didn’t. I don’t think she and I, or any of my friends have ever uttered an unkind word to each other. True true friends. We are there for each other, all of us, without judgment, with only unconditional love.

The path opens, and it is paved with the wonderful things that have been put in my life. I know there are more waiting for me there.

Love and light, everyone.

 

Off, But Not Quite Running

Posted on by learning to live like water

Nice to be sitting in my family room, sipping on a cup of coffee again. Yes, I miss my kid, but I’m not devastated by it. At least, not most of the time. Because I know he made the very best choice possible to live the kind of life he wants. I know he’s happy.

We were talking about when we could see each other again. He was saying to come maybe at Christmas, or in January, because he already has so many people coming for Christmas. I said, “Um…I don’t think I want to come in the winter!” LOL. He said, “Oh well, I thought you might just miss snow since you won’t see it any more.” I laughed and said, “Oh maybe some day. But I’m not there yet….” He laughed. I said when he can put together a 3 or 4 day weekend after he’s done with his initial training, he can come see me. I want him to see my little house, and my new life. So we’ll see. If I miss him too much maybe I’ll brave the snow, lol. But fact is, I hope to be working before Christmas too. We’ll just have to see how it works out.

So much to do today. And every day until I leave next Thursday. I woke up in the middle of the night making lists again, Grrrr. Finally I read for awhile, and managed to get back to sleep for a few more hours. I hope I don’t keep doing that all week! Geezus.

My friend Susan who is driving with me to Florida and I talked last night. She said she’s happy to drive us to the Tappanzee Bridge in NYC, because she’s from New Jersey and has been that way so many times, as long as I can navigate us through the other side of the Hudson River. We’ll have GPS but it always wants to put you on I-95, and we definitely don’t want to go that way. That would take us through all the traffic of NYC, Philly, Baltimore, and DC. Um, no. lol. So I’ll see if I can get the GPS to take us another way. The friend who picked me up last night told me to get the app WAZE, and it will show all the routes, and updates in real time for traffic and speed traps!

I can’t believe I’m gonna get back in the car for 2 ½ days, in 6 days. Yikes. It will be fun with Susan. We’re trying to pick audible books to listen to. She was part of my book club.

Well, off and not quite running yet. But I will be, I have to be.

Love and light, all.

First Monday of Not Working

Posted on by learning to live like water

My son asked me Saturday how my first day of retirement was. I said, “Well, it’s Saturday and I wouldn’t have been at work anyway, so it feels the same.” This morning is Monday, and I woke up early as usual. I tried to go back to sleep, but no such luck. Lists and plans and things that need doing kept stirring around my mind and finally I stopped fighting it and got up.

Now, sitting here in the early dawn, with my coffee, in the quiet, it does occur to me that, no, I don’t have to go to work today. I do wish I could sit on my deck in the cool morning air, but I don’t have a chair I can put out there. So, I opened the slider to let the cool air in, and listen to the birds.

My friend made me a spectacular Maine lobster dinner last night, 2 lobsters each. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten two, but I did these. Also salad, backed potatoes, green beans. I was shocked. Just feel so blessed that they wanted to do that for me. God I will miss this family. But they said they will come to visit, and will also give me a room next summer. Really lucky to have such close friends.

Feeling a little nostalgic, a little sad this morning, I suppose because I saw last night how much I will miss my people here. It’s certainly an emotional roller coaster. I think I’ll be fine when I get on the road to Florida, but this morning, the distance between now and then seems so great. So many people I want to see before I leave here.

I’ll get through it, as I always do.

When I got home my son informed me that the front door lock was broken. The deadbolt has been unable to be locked from the inside for awhile. There’s another lock in the door handle, which we really never use. But apparently, unknown to me, my son has been and now it doesn’t work either. It feels stuck, so I’m going to go buy a can of WD40 and spray it this morning. I sure hate to call a locksmith when I’ll only be here two more weeks. Seems ridiculous. But I can’t leave it unlocked for the week I’ll be gone.

My son also told me he thinks there’s a skunk living under my deck. I said, “OMG, I better get some repellent or something.” He said, “No….leave it for the new people.” LOL. He’s mad at the $5k they took from me too, lol. I will have to get my friend Peter’s big extension ladder out from underneath the deck though. I hope the skunk is not in residence when we try to do that!

Feeling pretty good this morning. A little tentative, but ok. I’m usually better as the day wears on and I get things accomplished. Moving along…

Love and light everyone.

Life IS Surely Calling Me

Posted on by learning to live like water

I was so tired when I got home last night. I wrote, because I wanted, as always, to try to record it while it was still fresh. This morning I remembered a couple other things that were kinda cool yesterday, and actually just coincidental, but then there aren’t any coincidences, so think what you will….

On the way to work I take the back roads through the town I live in, because they’re paving the main road and the pavement is a mess. But going this way, which is a road around the lake in town, there is a spot where they have closed the road down to one lane for construction. They have a stop sign at either end and the one lane section is about 50′ with jersey barriers on either side. Generally you stop and take turns with the cars lined up on the other side. Yesterday however, they had a cop there directing the flow of traffic and he was waving the whole line through. He was a big guy, and I’m gonna guess in his 50’s. At least, from a quick glance obviously not a kid. As he waved me through, making that “come on” motion with his hand, I looked at him. He changed his hand motion to an actual wave, with a big smile. The kind of smile that made me giggle, lol. I thought what a nice way to start the day, having some random man kind of flirt with me, lol! At my age you take it where you can get it, lol.

The other thing was that last night when I got into my car to drive to the restaurant where we were all meeting, I plugged my phone into the stereo as I always do. I always have all my music on shuffle, so it just plays in random order all the time. But I thought it was so cool, and really, such a message from the universe, that when I put it on, as I drove out of work for the last time, Beth Hart’s song called Life is Calling began to play. How friggin’ perfect is that?

I got to the restaurant in a couple of minutes, it’s very close to work. And sat in the car til the song ended. As it ended and I got out of the car, my dear dear friend who retired in January was walking up to the car, with a gift bag of goodies.

It’s been a long time since I spent a day feeling loved, and loving back. I hope it becomes the norm, because what a lift it gave me.

Just wanted to remember those two things too, about yesterday. I’ve put the song “Life is Calling” up before, but am putting it again, since I feel like it’s absolutely how I feel.

Love and light.

Emotional Packing

Posted on by learning to live like water

 

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I’ve found I can only pack and sort things for about 2 or 3 hours a day. I just get too emotional. So attached to some things, which it would be stupid to take, but it’s so hard to let them go. One of them….well, I just stuffed it in a box. It was a huge teddy bear that was a Christmas gift to my son for his first Christmas. I just couldn’t let it go. It’s been sitting in the rocking chair in my room since forever, even before I left his father.

So many other things. I had emails between S and I that I’d printed out, I had pieces of writing from 20 years ago, I had memories, memories. So hard. I managed to throw most of that stuff out, but it made me melancholy, to be leaving everything I have known as an adult. I lay down on the chaise in my living room and cried for a few minutes. I laid down on my bed, and just closed my eyes to process all that has happened to me in the 40 years I’ve lived here.Everything that has brought me to this moment, of packing up my life of 40 years, and sorting out the things I want to take with me.  Lay there for about an hour.

My son asked me twice today what was wrong. I just said, “You know, it’s just big changes…so many big changes.” But I decided that I was done packing and sorting for the day. I changed my clothes, put on some makeup and went to the store to get laundry detergent and limes so I could have a drink when I got back, maybe read a book or something.

I got to the store, and as the universe does, I walked through the parking lot right into my bff who I am able to tell anything to, and told her how my morning was. She knows me, she gets it. She is always, has always been there for me. Even when I didn’t listen to her about S, she stuck with me while I figured it out. So we talked, it was the best thing that could have happened to me to run into her. She said she’d pick me up at the airport on the 8th when I get home. Awesome.

When I got home, instead of making the drink I was going to, I made a frozen peach strawberry daiquiri for my son and myself. It wasn’t bad, considering it was the first time I’ve made one in maybe 20 years, lol. Then I sat on the couch and began really mapping out our trip to Denver. We’re going to do somewhere around 500 miles a day, and then the last day only have about 350 to do. I got hotel phone numbers so we can call and make reservations.

Then I did the same for the trip to Florida which is a full day shorter.

Then a girl which whom he is close friends came over, had the last of the daiquiris and they decided they’d make me dinner. 🙂  Good kids.

I think I’m at the point I can stop obsessing about making sure everything is packed up for my mover’s date. I think I’m well ahead of the game now. When I stop working next weekend, I’ll have all week to get most of the house finished. I will leave the kitchen until I get back from Denver.

It gets more real every day. Most everyone I know I’ll see again. They’ll be down to see me, or I’ll be up to see them. There are some people I won’t see again though, and some I won’t get to say goodbye to. I guess I just have to do the best I can. The love I have for them will always be. I think they know that.

Love and light, all.

Circle of Friends

Posted on by learning to live like water

They are having a retirement party for me at work. It’s like a break in the day, in the lunchroom, usually ice cream cake and cookies. The pres of the company give a little speech, and they usually present you with a gift of some kind. It’s a nice thing to do. They are usually a surprise, but my boss told me his brother, the pres, won’t be here next week, so they want to do it this week.

Then there was a note on my desk, asking where to get the cake and cookies, lol. Because I have either planned or been a big part of the planning of these things up until my own. I definitely appreciate it though, it will be nice.

Then the friend who is going with me to FL is having Paint Nite at her house that night. That will be so much fun. If my painting turns out ok, I’ll put up a picture. It will be another good chance to see more of my friends before I leave.

I guess I just have to not think about what I’m doing, saying goodbye to everyone. Just like, I’m going away for a vacation or something and I’ll be back. Because I’m afraid I’m going to be crying for like a month between now and when I leave. When I think of all the things I’ve gone through with this bunch, how they’ve been there for me, keeping me close, helping keep my head on straight. And loving me even when I didn’t listen to them, because they could see what I preferred to be blind to.  When my family fell apart, and I couldn’t see my son, they invited me into their homes for family dinners, and included me, treated me as a family member.

I will miss them, friends of a life time. But I won’t lose them. They’ll come see me, I’ll come up here and see them. We’ll talk on the phone, and FB messenger. We will stay part of each others lives.

I’ll see more of the friends I grew up with, many of whom already are in FL, and the ones that aren’t come down often and visit, and will be relocating there within a few years. It’s like full circle.

I’m really really blessed. I’ve known quite a few people whose circle is small, very small. 1 or 2 people. My ex hasn’t got anyone, but that’s the way he wants it. To have friends, you have to be a friend. Be willing to go out on that limb, not knowing what the outcome will be, and not worrying about it. I’m just so grateful for the people in my life.

Love and light

Beth Hart and Joe Bonamassa

Posted on by learning to live like water

When I went to Florida I stayed for a couple of nights with a friend from high school who lives in the town I’m moving to.  Turns out she’s been singing the blues at local places around there for over a year.  One of her favorite female blues singers is Beth Hart.  I have to sheepishly admit I did not know her.  My friend put on a few youtube videos of her, one was with Jeff Beck at the Kennedy Center honoring Buddy Guy. I realized I had seen it, live, because it was way tooo fabulous not to burn a spot into your psyche.

Needless to say, I’m looking forward, really forward, to going with my friend to see her sing.

Anyway after she played the Hart-Beck Kennedy Center video,  she “introduced” me to Joe Bonamassa, except when I heard him, I remembered that Scott had already introduced me to him, and I loved him.  One of those moments where we weren’t having sex, lol.  Listening to and discussing music.  With our clothes on!  (Ok sometimes we were naked, but not having sex, lol. Just sayin’ it wasn’t what some people wanted to believe it was!) OMG, and we did that with books too!  Anyway, my friend played the video below, and all I can think when I hear it, is damn…that was me last fall.  October 3.  And damn, I want to love someone else like that.  Except, I don’t want to ever have to watch him walk away again.

Listen to it…I bet you’ll feel the same.

Promise of the Sunrise

Posted on by learning to live like water

Just a promise of a sunrise this morning, hidden behind some clouds. There were breaks of blue sky, tinted with pink, there was a pink and golden glow on the horizon, beneath a tower of gray clouds. It was lovely, in a different, subtle, way.

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I stopped at the beginning of the dock, to talk to my sister’s neighbors. The one who lives across the street, in her golf cart, has felt like a good friend since the day I met her a few years ago. She asked about my weekend with my girlfriends, I showed her pictures of the house I fell in love with. Another neighbor was there, with his dog, Penny. I remembered him from last year. He is married, his wife doesn’t come to sunrise. I pet the dog for a few minutes. Then we all walked down the dock together, and the new friend I made the other day whose wife had to go home was there taking pictures. He also asked about my weekend, and told me he’d gone to St. Pete yesterday and had lunch at a lovely restaurant on the inland waterway near where I’d been.

You can always tell us tourists, we have the cameras, trying to catch and preserve every moment of the sunrise, to carry us through until we come back again. I have more pictures of sunrise from the Longboat Key town dock than anything else on my camera, lol.

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The sun came up, as it always does. It still put on a beautiful show. One that reminded me that clouds come and go, the sun is always there behind them, waiting to shine. The clouds that cover the sun can’t stop it burning brightly, and bringing daylight to a darkened world.

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Then it began to sprinkle, and then rain harder. We all left quickly, and the neighbor with the golf cart gave me a ride the 800 ft back to my sister’s house.

When I came in the house, my brother-in-law was up, had made me another pot of coffee. He said it hadn’t rained here in about a month, so they were glad for the rain. It didn’t last long though, probably about 10 or 15 minutes. There may be more today though.

Thinking about the gray clouds of my life, the storms, the dark days of fear, and heartbreak, and yearning for life. And then the sunrise, always there, always managing to get through the clouds, always bringing the light back to my life. Never letting me get stuck too long in the darkness. Bringing me my son, my family, my friends, my joy. Always remember, the fact that the light is covered in darkness, can’t stop it from burning brightly.

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Blessings Abounding

Posted on by learning to live like water

  
I’m sitting on my friends patio having coffee. It overlooks a little lake in the middle of her complex, with egrets, and ibis, ducks, and palm trees. So nice and warm. Probably about 70. 

We had such a ball last night. There were three of us, we were missing our 4th member of our group, so we called her on the phone in the Midwest and put her in speaker and it was like having her there, lol. She stayed on the phone for a couple hours till it went dead. 

We were at times laughing hysterically at the stories we had to tell. Soooo good to belly laugh. Today we’re going to some art place called The Blueberry Patch. Then to some place that my friend whose house we are at promises is awesome pizza. 

I’m thinking I’m gonna meet with the realtor again at some point before I go, put in an offer and leave a check with her. I can’t tell you how much I love this little house. And to live a mile from a beautiful beach!!!!  There are so many cute shops and galleries and great restaurants here. But it’s small and largely undiscovered by the throngs of tourists that come to FL. It’s the height of season now, and in so many beach communities here the traffic and crowds are unreal. But not in this small town at all. 

3 doors down from this house is a community garden where you get a little patch of ground to grow whatever you want.  People plant veggies like cabbage and kale along the sidewalks here, for the purpose of anyone who wants or needs them taking them. Kind of a passive “feed the world” thing, and it makes attractive landscaping too!  

I love the progressive and kind of liberal attitude here. Bohemian almost. The house I love is yellow with orange shutters, and light green trim. So Florida!!  So many houses like that here, bright vibrant colors, unusual artwork and sculptures in their yards. 

Plus, even tho the house is only a mile from the water, it’s not in the flood plain!  So I don’t have to worry about that crazy hurricane insurance. Plus the back yard has a couple of big trees for shade, so important here. 

I will love it here I know. Especially with friends and family nearby.  I have to get this house!!!  

I’m feeling really blessed this morning. Love and light, all.