Tag Archives: moving

Good Things :)

Posted on by learning to live like water

Good-Things-Happening

It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep can do for you, lol.

I told my boss yesterday about my impending move. I said, “I’m NOT giving you my notice!” He laughed, but he was very grateful to know what my plans were because they totally affect his plans with staffing in the business. I told him that having been a boss for so long, I can see that he has an issue and that I knew I would be instrumental in solving it, so I wanted him to be able to plan. It was selfish as well, because I know I will be training anyone he hires, for the other job as well as mine, and training, decent training, will take at least a month for each position. He asked me to please start writing a manual for my job, because it is by far the most complicated admin job. He asked if I knew anyone who might be able to do my job, which is WAY unusual for him. But it requires someone who has some knowledge of bookkeeping, doesn’t want to stay tied to a desk all day, can work independently, and really likes customer service. I told him I will keep my eyes open. I told him when I accepted an offer, I would expect to have around 60 days then. He laughingly said, “Labor Day….” and really I’d be ok with that, I just don’t want to be here in the winter. I’d like though, ideally to be moving in July or August, even though it’s hot as hell in FL then. I told him I assume whoever buys my house will be a family with kids who want to be settled in before school starts.

I’m so relieved he knows my plans. It has been bothering me, and I just felt that even though I don’t have an exit date, that he’d want to know. And he did. I was also afraid that someone would let it slip since a lot of people at work know, and I didn’t want him to hear it from someone else.

He and I communicate easily, it’s a pleasant relationship now. It was hard for a few years in the beginning, but he’s come to appreciate me, I think. Not just my work ethic and ability to work without too much direction from him, but that I try to guide the younger members of our staff as to the way he wants things done.

I still have this stomach thing, I know I should call the dr, but I will pay out of pocket for it, and I hate to do that. Totally pisses me off . I feel like it might be one of my diabetes meds, which bothers me some, because it worries me that I might not tolerate it any more, after taking it for about 15 years. I take two a day, one in the morning and one at night. Yesterday I didn’t take the morning one, and I was better yesterday morning, and my blood sugar was ok all day. So I’m gonna do that again today. Maybe I don’t need 2 any more, since I lost 20 lbs. IDK. This particular med is processed through the liver, and on my last labs only a few weeks ago, my liver function was good. So it also could just be a bug. I supposed a call to the dr is in order.

I spoke to my friend in FL last night for about an hour. She is such a great person! I’m going to send her a key to my house so she can go check on it for me. Her bff there lives about 4 blocks from me, she is there a lot. She said she’d be happy to do that. So I have to have my sis send me a key, and I’ll get one made for her.

Can’t wait to go out and watch her sing. And last night she was telling me she has yearly passes to all the parks, except Disney, in Orlando which is about an hour and a half from me. How fun!!! She had a back injury years ago that has really disabled her to some extent and she’s put on a lot of weight. She is going to get weightloss surgery within the next month, because she just hates the weight (she was always thin) and it will help her mobility too. She’s so looking forward to losing the weight and hanging out at the beach with me. She can also hang out at the yacht club with me, lol. She was in the merchant marines for many years, so she can speak the language too. And we both want to find a rich guy with a boat, lol.

Anyway, life is looking good today. If I can just get this house sold!!! Gotta set some intentions, lol. Got so much to look forward to.

Love and light.

Saturday

Posted on by learning to live like water

musings

Whew! I slept 7 hours, feeling better this morning.

Until I realized that my lawn needs mowing, and my son was off yesterday and could have done it but I didn’t even think to tell him. Of course, he doesn’t think of things like that, on his own, ever. He’s working all weekend, so I guess it’s up to me to get it done.

And of course, I’ve been wasting time, sitting here all morning, perusing the dating site for kicks. Wasting time because there’s no one there, lol, and I’m moving so what would be the point? I guess I just wanted to play “imagine that” because I miss male energy in my life. Pretty pathetic.

And then reading, on my WP reader. Which is way more productive and interesting than a bunch of pictures of men I don’t know, probably half of whom are scammers, lol. I have had so little time to read blogs in the last couple of weeks. Work, write, go to bed. Repeat. That’s been my life. And clean the house.

Which I have to do again today.

It’s a little frustrating to be keeping the house “show ready” and have no showings. And scary. I’ve been on the market a week, and no one’s come to see it. I emailed the realtor, asking if I should be concerned. But then again, I don’t want to sell it quickly and be closing in the middle of June, but need some showings, just to keep my spirits up.

I guess I wrote the Scott stuff out of my systems last night. Today I don’t give a shit. LOL. Good. Glad. Not missing the misery he brings with him everywhere he goes. I was just tired last night. It’s easy to revert to old behaviors and feelings when you’re exhausted.

Haven’t decided if I’m going to my friends bonfire tonight. I can’t drink. Even though my stomach thing seems better this morning, I would not take a chance of drinking and killing off all the bacteria in my stomach again. Plus there is this cold kind of feeling hanging around the edges of my health. Not a cold but it wouldn’t take much to become one. I guess I’ll figure it out when I’m done with the lawn. And cleaning the house. And maybe running to the dump. If I go, I’ll have to make some food to take. So will need to add that to my list.

I think I’ll be tired, again….

Might be better off calling my friend in Florida and catching up with her. Or Montana. Or Iowa. Sitting in my jammies and relaxing.

I can’t wait to be sitting on my deck in Florida (or here for that matter) writing, feeling the warm breezes. Smelling the salt air. And be done with all this stress of buying and selling and moving. Back to just living. Creating. Dreaming the good dream.

In proof-reading this blog, I wonder why I feel compelled to chronicle my life here.  I mean really?  It’s not like anyone needs to know how I will spend my Saturday, lol.  I think it’s just a way of organizing my life, and then making myself accountable, because if I write it here, I feel more of an obligation to actually get done what I say I will.

I guess I should go get dressed, get this day underway. Get a little closer to Florida.  The picture at the top is because I am….still…a hippie, (despite someone saying I was not, because I didn’t “live the life” on his terms) and because sunflowers are my favorite flower.

Love and light.

On Breaking Like a Little Girl

Posted on by learning to live like water

breakingi like a little girl

So, look….I don’t break like a little girl. Usually. And not now, not today. In fact I’m a long ways away from breaking.

I am tired, I am slightly stressed. I know I need to be doing things like putting my furniture up for sale that I’m not taking with me. I’ve heard to just sell it on ebay, with a pick-up only, not to use Craig’s list. Don’t want to be letting the craigslist killer in my front door. Maybe I could advertise it in the local little paper. IDK. I need to find someone to give my old washer and dryer to, although, I have been told that Big Brother/Big Sisters will take that stuff off your hands and put it for sale in their stores, Savers. Which seems like a good cause, and I could take a tax deduction.

I need to finish getting the utilities in the Florida house in my name. I need to have the mail forwarded up here from there, til I move there.

I worry that my boss will find all this stuff out, about both houses, and it will ruin my relationship with him, which is good at the moment. Work life could get very unpleasant if that happens. But if I tell him, without an exit date, he might give me one, and I might not be ready to move, and I don’t want to have to pay this mortgage if I don’t have a job. So every day I feel like I’m taking a chance.

I want to find out what a POD will cost to get my son’s stuff to CO. I need to get costs on moving my stuff to FL.

Yesterday I was sat on my deck and fell asleep in the sun. It was lovely. But while I was there, I thought about how I ran into a good friend at the store yesterday, in the organic produce section, and we talked for 15 or 20 minutes. She wants to try her hand at jewelry making, for a hobby, because her youngest child is about to go off to college. So we made tentative plans for me to go with her to get some basic tools etc, and I told her to come over some Sunday (her husband works weekends) and we’ll sit on the deck and make jewelry…drink wine…

Anyway, sitting out there yesterday, thinking about that, I thought, God, I wonder how long it will take me to have friends like that in Florida? Friends I can make spur of the moment plans with, like going to Costco Saturday with my bff, like going to my cousins to do reiki, like having this friend over to make jewelry on the deck. I will miss my peeps so much. They are my family here. I’ll have to create a whole new family and that’s a little scary.

Altho, my bff said Saturday, “we want to come see you as soon as you get settled.” And I know she means it. I said, “October, you will love it there in October. You will be getting pissed because it’s getting cold here…Florida is lovely then.”

But still I had this dark vision of me sitting alone every weekend there, nothing to do and no one to do it with. It was momentary, because I know I will make friends, and I know that before I’d sit all alone, I’d probably head to the beach or my sisters, or something….But, you know, the fear kind of showed up momentarily.

But, I guess the point is, it doesn’t break me. I think a broken heart can break me, but even that only momentarily. And who knows, maybe I know enough now to work through it, without feeling broken at all, if it happens again. Plus, I think I learned enough lessons from the last two men, to choose better, and not fall in love with someone who will treat my heart so callously. I’m sure there are men who actually appreciate a loving heart, and will treat it lovingly in return. I’m hoping I find one in Florida.

Maybe at the yacht club, lol. Or maybe I’ll get a fishing pole and go down to the fishing pier and find a fisherman, one that doesn’t get a thrill out of being helicopter lifted off a sinking ship. One that just likes to catch fish, and be near the ocean. Calmer…..more content. More appreciative of the joys life offers every minute. One who doesn’t need to be walking on the edge to feel alive. One who feels alive every moment he takes a breath, and finds wonder in that gift.

So, the opinion once given me by the man who broke my heart, that I break like a little girl, well, I am gonna guess that he has probably discarded that opinion of me anyway. I broke like a grown up, and I did my work, and I once again found a new path that will work for me. I’ll get through the hard parts of it, probably by writing, by being near the sea every day, by finding joy somewhere every moment.

I won’t walk the edge, I won’t risk falling off. And if I slip, I won’t break. If I crack, well…I’ll let the light in, let it weld the pieces back together, and glow a little brighter when it’s over.

Love and light.

A Sunflower Kind of Morning

Posted on by learning to live like water

sunflowers

I chose this picture because the sunflower is my favorite flower.  I cannot look at it and not feel happy, like a giant real smiley face or something, lol. It promises to be a beautiful warm spring day here today. Finally, I will be able to open the windows and let fresh air into the house. The “pizza triggers” have abated this morning, thankfully. I woke up very early this morning and all the work yesterday had inflamed my arthritic joints, enough that I got up and took 3 ibuprofen, and then tried to get back to sleep for another hour or so. I only dozed, so it may be a long day. I still have so much to do, and have to get to the grocery store too, and the realtor is coming over too, at some point.

I messaged with a seemingly nice man last night, he is at last real, and not a scammer. John….he’s 5 years younger than me. He’s attractive, it seems, not flighty, so far, not boring. Lol. But who knows, it is fun just to talk to a man. It gives me a lift. We agreed to continue talking today. He lives about an hour away, which is about my limit. Scott was about an hour away. But you know how these things are….I may never hear from him again, lol. Whatever happens is fine, I have so much going on anyway.

I got a message from Alec, the guy I met for coffee about a week ago. He said he was so disappointed not to have heard from me. He asked if I would tell him what I didn’t like about him. He had sent me one message the day after our coffee date, which I didn’t respond to. Actually, I forgot about it with all the stuff I had going on, which is kind of unlike me to just ignore someone’s decent message. This morning I responded that there is nothing wrong with him at all. (Even though I though it was a little insensitive that he knew I was on my lunch hour and didn’t offer to meet for lunch.  He’s a retired CPA and surely could have sprung for a sandwich.)  It’s just that I felt no connection when we met. I assumed he felt the same. So maybe not, whatever. I can’t pretend, nor will I waste time if there isn’t one. He is very inside the box. He may push the sides of it a bit at times, but I am, at least compared to him, so outside it. Not to mention, that he is a strict Shabbat observer, and so is not available at all, even by phone, from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Which kind of eliminates all my free time. I felt a little bad that his message was sent at 1:18 in the morning. Hoping it wasn’t keeping him up that I obviously didn’t want to pursue a relationship.

When I woke up early this morning I began to think about the scenario of selling my house soon, and closing on it in June sometime. My son is going to a music festival in Las Vegas in June, and what if the dates conflict with when we need to be out of this house? I decided more or less, that if that happens, I will have to get a POD for his stuff, and we would load it and send it off before he goes, with his bed, and the couches in his space. Or else decide to sell them. The POD will probably cost about $2000. His mattress and box spring are not old, and he wants to take them. The couch and love seat I bought when I lived in my “transitional” space, the condo I rented while going through my divorce, and are apartment sized, and nice.

Crazy stuff to be thinking about at 4:30 am though. Geez.

I guess I better be off and running, if I can run after being up so early, lol. Maybe up and walking fast. If I get to the grocery store early, I might get out of there quickly and not run into anyone that I know, which generally will keep me standing in the pasta aisle talking for a half hour, lol. It looks to be a sunflower, happy and good, kind of day.

Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday. Love and light.

Wednesday Morning Musings

Posted on by learning to live like water

I’m an early riser. I usually wake up sometime around 5:30, give or take 15 or 20 minutes. The last two mornings it’s been slightly before. When they went to daylight savings time, I hated it because it meant dark mornings again for awhile. But the last two mornings, I have been able to see the first rays of daylight at 5:30. I know that means that soon, I’ll be able to sit out on the deck in the morning doing this, watching the sun rise. Can’t wait for that. It’s my favorite time of day.

I got a message from the new guy.  He said he forgot, when he told me he’d call me, that it would be Tuesday and he sings in a chorus, and had practice.  So will call me tonight. I answered him, “Ok, I’ll give you a pass. Chorus, you sing? I sang in high school, in the choir, and always at church. But haven’t in years. I still sing in the shower though! Talk to you later…”  He replied “Good morning Deb. Yes, I’ve been singing in the same group for over 30 years. I’d love to hear you sing in the shower, lol.”

So I think the conversation with him will be fun, I’m looking forward to it.

I made the date with the realtor for pictures tentatively for Monday. She’s going to stop over on Sunday sometime and sign the paperwork. So I will be live on Zillow sometime next week! Just pray for me, that it sells quickly and easily. I want to get to Florida.

The house looks good, my son promises his space will be done by Sunday night. He’s off Sunday so hopefully it’s true. I am sure I’ll have to assist, lol.

I talked to my brother-in-law about the insurance on my house, and I swear, insurance is so fear-based!!!! It is terrifying when you start to think about all the things that could happen!! Especially in Florida, where they have terrible hurricanes and tornadoes, and floods. My house is 20′ above sea level, so I’m above the flood plain. And my roof is new, but the house is old. I probably have some worry if there’s a hurricane, but tornadoes are rare that close to the ocean. Of course, there have been huge water spouts seen in Tampa  Bay, which is where the town I will live sits

water-spoutThis is an actual water spout in Tampa Bay in 1995

Well there’s always some worry, no matter where you live. We get hurricanes in Connecticut too, and blizzards, and a tornado once in a great while. There was what they called a microburst about 20 years ago right in my small town. It took down a tree in my yard and totaled a car. My ex saw a waterspout on the lake right in front of our house once on a windy day.

So let it be what will be. I still can’t wait to live where there is never winter. Never to shovel snow again. Or have the buggars freeze in my nose, lol.

Life it good. Love and light, everyone.

 

 

 

 

Feeling The Joy Again, Finally

Posted on by learning to live like water

joy balloon

Boy.  The closer I get to not having to work, the less I want to go every day.  So here I sit, Monday morning, just wishing it was 2 months from now and (hopefully) my house would be sold and I’d be packing to leave.

I am not good with the transitory phase.  Once I decide I want to go in another direction, I just want to be there. When I visit family or friends, and the day comes where I have to go home, I just want to beam myself home, (“Beam me up, or in this case home, Scotty”).  That’s about where I am today, Monday morning.

I’d so much rather be doing something that would facilitate my moving, than going to work.  I think I will work a little when I get to Florida, maybe 20 hours a week.  But it won’t be a job like this, no serious responsibility, or big decisions to make.  Something mindless and maybe even fun, lol.

On top of not wanting to work, especially on Monday, when I have to work til 7, it is snowing.  It snowed yesterday.  Give it up winter!  It was 60’s last week, now it’s 30’s and snowing.  Another reason I want to get out of town, lol.  I have never lived where there wasn’t winter to deal with, and I am SOOO looking forward to it.

I was talking to my sister yesterday, telling her how I was packing up clothes to give away that I won’t need.  Looking in my coat closet, at my 5 or 10 winter coats.  She said, “well you’ll need a warm jacket, and maybe a coat, once in a while.  But you won’t need your ice scraper!  Or your mittens!”  We laughed, me, I almost cried, lol.  I will be so happy never to walk out into 0° temps again, with 5 layers of thick clothing and still be cold.  I hate being cold.  I am too old to be cold.  I won’t ever have my house set at 62°(F) again, when it’s so cold that to sit on the couch with my lap top, I am dressed my fleece pajamas, slipper boots, a thick pink robe, and a blanket over me.  (This just made me think of Scott, without being upset, lol.  He hated my pink robe.  He called it the “dreaded pink robe.”  If I wanted to make him laugh I’d send him a pic of me in it. Well those are old days, a funny memory.)

Do you suppose I’ll ever complain about the heat in Florida? I suppose. If I do, then…I’ll have to call my friends up here, in New England, or my friend up in the Adirondacks of New York, and see if I can come visit for a bit. I think I can find a bed. Airfare is cheap between Tampa and here.

Speaking of my friend from upstate NY, I think she’s coming to visit me next month. I want her to come before I leave here. She is an old high school buddy, we will have so much fun.

My new male friend will call tonight. He sent a message saying he would, and so far, he has done exactly as he says. Marbles in the jar. He’s reliable. He does what he says he will, time after time. Maybe we will make plans to meet, that would be nice. I look forward to talking to him, he has this easy, kind manner, his voice is relaxing. I feel like maybe we could be good friends, if nothing else, because I’m leaving.

I feel recovered this morning, from all my emotional upset that was wrapped around Maggie’s passing. Back to being excited about moving, about my new life. The old emotions have retreated to the place where they belong. They have a place in my heart always. But I feel, at the moment anyway, that I am done obsessing about them. There is so much for me to be happy about, grateful for, excited about. These are the things which will occupy my mind today.

Oh, and work, lol. I guess work will also still have to take up some of my space today. But not for long. Lots of joy in my heart this morning.

Love and light.

Sleep, sweet sleep. Ahhhh.

Posted on by learning to live like water

sweet-sleep-wm

I can’t believe how well I’ve been sleeping.  Except for the night I went out dancing and drank a little too much.  But I’ve been getting 7 hours of good sleep every night, with no problem.

To me, the ability to sleep well is such an indicator of healing.  For months after and during all the drama with S, I was taking 10 mg of Ambien every night to get 5 or 6 hours of sleep, and it didn’t always work.  Now, I just go to sleep within minutes of turning my light out at night.  It shows me, more than anything, how much I have let go, forgiven, moved on.  It’s also helpful to know that I still have measures in place so that I can’t hear from, or get involved in any drama with, him or her.  The energy connection is still there, like the ringing in my ears (that I have because I am mostly deaf in one ear) but I am now able to just tune it out.  Never thought I could do that, but I can.

I messaged the Florida realtor last night, and told her I accepted the counter offer. The seller is going to hook up the gas to the stove/oven and to the hot water heater, which will cost her.  Plus she’s going to upgrade the electric at the same time.  So, I agreed that I’d meet her half way as she asked, between my original offer and my new offer.  I told the realtor, let’s get this done, I don’t want to fool around with it any more.

My house here won’t sell for what I’d hoped.  More than I bought it for but not enough to recoup all my money after I pay the realtor and state conveyance tax, which is 1% of the sale price.  But I’ll still be ok, there will still be enough there to do what I planned.

Moving on down the road.  And into the shower, gotta go to work.  🙂

Love and light.

 

 

Being Propelled Forward

Posted on by learning to live like water

lip of insanity

I have not been able to keep up with people’s blogs lately, I hope once the house is on the market I have a little more time.  I get the notices on my phone app, in my email, and I save them all to read, and pretty soon I have like 20 to read.  So, I’m apologizing for ignoring them.  I guess its one reason I want to retire, so I have the time to keep up with everyone.

The realtor is coming tonight.  We’ll probably sign a contract, settle on an asking price for my house.  She sold me the house, so knows it well, and she lives across the street from me.  It should be an easy meeting.

We had book club last night.  The other girls had to go early, so it was over by 8:30.  We are reading The Tapping Solution by Nick Ortner.  It’s about EFT tapping, tapping your self along the energy meridians also used in accupunture etc.  It’s apparently very effective for changing habits, undoing phobias, healing actual physical ailments.  I have always had my own way of dealing with trauma, which has involved going within, sitting with it, letting it bubble up and go.  Reiki and gong baths, and meditation.  But it would be good to have other modalities as well, because I have had nights where I tried all of that but could not get to sleep, and would have tried tapping instead of taking an Ambien, (which sometimes even didn’t work.)

Hopefully, I have left all that trauma in the past.  It feels like it.  I’m feeling very mellow this morning.  It’s so hard to let go of things, but I believe I have.  The psychic who told me to grieve if I need to grieve, and to nurture myself, followed by all those dreams, seem to have propelled me through the door that I couldn’t get open.  Maybe it’s like Rumi says, “I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door.  It opens. I was knocking from the inside.”

Yes, pretty sure that was the problem.

Love and light.

Dancing Through the Insanity

Posted on by learning to live like water

Rumi

I am starting to find out exactly what’s involved with putting a house on the market. It’s not like there’s a choice, if I want top dollar for the house I have to do it. Today I spent a little time getting stuff together for Easter…some of the traditional Polish treats. My son is half-Polish, his father was 3rd generation 100% Polish, so I like to keep up some of the holiday traditions for him.

Started clearing out the stuff that needs to be out of sight when the house goes on the market, especially for the pictures. Up and down the stairs. Biggest problem is all my jewelry making stuff. Trying to put it in some semblance of order, out of the way. It’s not a neat hobby, lol.

I sat down on the couch to rest around 2. I was so exhausted, and I slept a good 7 hours last night. Why so tired? It occurred to me as I sat, on the computer, with my music from my phone playing on the stereo, that I hadn’t eaten but a protein bar at 7 AM and some coffee. So I got a yogurt, and a tall glass of water, and ate it while I perused WP and FB. Felt much better after about 10 minutes, I think my sugar had crashed.

I decided to brave the basement storage area. It’s attached to my son’s space, and his mess is like water, seeking it’s own level, spreading across the floor. I worked down there for awhile, just cleaning up, straightening up, throwing stuff away, emptying junk out of cabinets…. Maybe a couple hours. Changed the furnace filter while I was at it.

About 4:30 or so I sat down again in the TV room on the couch, opened the computer and next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes and it was about an hour later. I had fallen so dead asleep, I was disoriented waking up. And I was hungry! I made a little dinner, and then got some estimates on moving stuff to Florida. That will require some thought. A mover would be nice, but would cost about $800 more than a POD. Which is expensive enough, but how to get the furniture from upstairs down into the POD? I have no idea….. My move into this house was about 2 miles, from a small condo, and cost me $300. Will have to work on that issue.

Tomorrow, no time to rest. I have to get to the grocery store, hopefully before the rest of the town. Make a carrot cake, traditional for Easter. Why? Idk…Bunnies like carrots? No idea, but it wouldn’t seem like Easter without it. I usually give most of it away, take it to work, whatever. Then start on the garage. I have a ton of stuff that needs to go to the dump, so I looked up how that works on line. I have to get a permit from the town for $10 and can only take stuff there on Saturday. It looks like at least 2 or 3 trips. UGH.

I talked to my BFF’s husband today, who is like a brother to me, and asked him if he would look at my fireplace and just tell me what I need to replace, because for the life of me I can’t figure it out. He said he’d come over this week sometime. He is truly one of the good guys.

If I weren’t moving to a house a mile from the beach, I’d say I was gonna need a vacation when this is all done. But I will be on a permanent one, lol. I guess it’s just getting the house ready now that seems the big job. Once it’s done and on the market, I only need to keep it that way, not get it that way.

This must be the most boring blog ever, but I’m trying to document what has been done, what has to be done, and this helps me to organize my thoughts. I think I’m going to need at least 2 more weekends before pictures, but no longer. I need the house on the market by the middle of April.

The realtor texted me today that the seller has decided to get the gas hooked up in her name, so we can test the stove (and I’m so excited to have a gas stove, I’ve always had electric) and hot water heater. It was really a small thing, but I’m glad about that. The stove is brand new but not the hot water heater, so will be glad to have it checked out. We had the mold test done today, will get the results back Tuesday or Wednesday and then go in for the final negotiating. So, I have from now til then to kind of relax and let it be.

Tonight, all the emotional kind of angst I’ve had for days seems to have subsided, really disappeared for the time being. I know it’s a huge part of why I’m so tired. When the medium told me I needed to nurture myself, she said, that’s why you’re so tired all the time. I didn’t think I was tired all the time then, but it was like a prophesy! Because man, am I tired now that I’ve let it go. It’s not completely gone I’m sure, but I’m in a way better place. Probably because I wrote so much about it, and then because I spent the day working toward my new dream.

It’s quite a journey, from unconditional love and forgiveness, to betrayal yet again, to understanding, to anger over people trying to involve themselves in something that was none of their business, and then trying to let it all go again. Egos are so destructive. I think I’m pretty much back to the place of unconditional love from an unattached place. Back to the knowing I will always love the man, and also that I can never let him into my life again. I would say, we could be friends only, but really, even that….would be hard. We’ve never been in the same place and been able to keep our hands off one another. So how could we be friends only? Just let it go. I’ll soon be 1500 miles away, and creating a new life. He’ll have his old life, maybe. IDK. Maybe not, maybe she will realize she can never trust him, even if she loves him. Same as I did. It doesn’t matter to me any more. Moving forward. Rising strong.

Going to bed, lol. Love and light.

Getting to the Other Side

Posted on by learning to live like water

NewLife

I got so much done on my house yesterday.  I think one more weekend and it will at least be ready for these people who are interested to see it.  My son promises to go at his space today, and it’s by far in the worst space in the house.  I just have the bathrooms and the garage to do.   Even if these people don’t end up buying the house, at least it will be ready to put on the market, pretty much, when I get back from Florida.  I will need to paint the deck, but I don’t think I can do that until the days are longer and warmer.  End of April maybe.  I’m going to hire someone to come in and get the yard in good shape, cut back the shrubs, etc.

I had so much fun talking to my friend in Florida last night. Old friends are so wonderful to have.  I haven’t talked to her, except FB messenger, for a long long time, but we know each other so well, we just pick up where we left off.  I just love her to death.  She’s just one of those people who never allows anything to take her joy of living from her.  I can’t wait to see her.  Having her there, where I want to live will be like instant immersion into that life.

Which will move me at light speed  away from this one, lol.  It’s time, really.  Definitely time.  It’s funny, I have had the plan to move to Florida since before I met S.  The relationship with him did not deter it.  It has always been there.  It could have worked out in many different ways, either for us, or for me.  If he had wanted a relationship, and to retire, we could have shared each other’s homes, had a place to go in the winter in Florida, a place here in New England in the summer.  And kept our independence, both owning a home.  We could have just visited each other. It turns out it became my escape route, from the devastation he wrought on my life for a time.  I’m so glad it’s one dream I never gave up.

I think at times, well he wanted a relationship, just not with me.  But then, did he want one with her, really?  If he did, why did he do what he did, knowing it would kill it.  And if it wasn’t dead, then spending January with me, certainly didn’t help breathe life back into it.  It’s not my problem any longer though.  I look so forward to loving a man who knows what he wants, and who doesn’t engage in self-destructive behaviors constantly.  There is another side of life, and I intend to experience it fully. 🙂

Lovely to have slept a good night’s sleep last night.  Today is supposed to be warm, at least warm enough to go to the cove for lunch.  It’s been so long, I am looking forward to it.

Off for my 2nd cup of coffee…..Love and light, all.